Excuses, Excuses, And We're Almost Off To the UK!

We're big assholes. Our hearts are here at Chez Binge, but our hands are furiously banging away at job-related assignments. Boo! I, Tamron Lohan, am getting ready to depart on a trip to London and Scotland, while MKHo has sweetly agreed to play back-up babysitter to my emotionally unstable cat, who I'll now post some photos of because I am lazy, and they are right on my desktop:

Him atop my bedroom door.

Demonstrating the many uses of reusable bags. (Note: that's not my arm!)

Shimmying out of his lobster costume (for dogs).

Okay. Next. All you cosmopolitan Binge readers out there: where should I go in London (I was there about seven years ago, and I've never been to Scotland) -- I'll be staying in Clapham -- and Edinburgh? OBVIOUSLY TopShop, and Covent Garden and Camden Market, but are there any cool shops -- vintage? -- that won't leave me dashing to buy an international calling card to phone Chase and ask them to extend my credit card limit??

Comment or email me through the informative "About Me" section of this "Web log."

JAMIE LYNN SPEARS PREGNANT! (Plus, Some Cute Leather Booties)

(Photo via TMZ.com)

HOLY FUCKING FEDERLINE! Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. (Story at TMZ.com). You know, I step into the grocery store for a few Tuesday night needs, I walk out, and the last bastion of Spears family hope has a mini bun in the oven. (And please note, I already know I'm going to hell, so to ensure that I get there safely, I'm gonna continue blogging about a 16-year-old's illegitimate pregnancy.)

Okay, so seriously... WHAT THE FUCK? Are condoms not available in other parts of the country? And it's funny, right now I'm reading "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides, and I JUST read the part about how sometimes the English language isn't powerful enough to contain emotion or sentiment. Um, HELLO! TRUER! THAN! EVER! Because is there even a word for levels of schadenfreude this fucking epic? If not, someone ought to invent one.

Also, do you think this was like... some kind of intentional attack by the Winehouse Fielder-Civil camp to deflect attention away from Amy's arrest? Do you think they're even capable of plotting, let alone standing up straight?

Ok. I'm off to enjoy the inevitable media feeding frenzy.


Oh yeah, these boots are hot:

($69, Spiegel.com)

Mary-Kate's Yellow Louboutins

(Photo via Fashionsite.blogspot.com)

In the newest issue of Nylon, Mary-Kate is wearing a pair of Christian Louboutins that probably weigh more than she does. All the more reason I should have them instead -- she could HURT herself!

My attempts to ID the Louboutins has so far been fruitless. Here's as close as I came:

($650, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Close, but no cigar as "they" say.

($27, Amazon)

Wah. Even less of a cigar. Anyway, if anyone knows what the Louboutins that MK is wearing are called, please lemme know. If only to assuage my curiosity.

Also, and oddly, I've never had this problem before, but I've HEARD that people sometimes refer to their Louboutins as "Loubs." PLEASE don't. It sounds sort of like an infection.

Jewelry I Love and Want Right Now

I could devote an entire blog solely to my love of Alexis Bittar. Just a few more pieces I love, all from his Lucite line ...

($150, Alexis Bittar)

My Kryptonite. Gah! Shit's bringing me down! I'm powerless in its presence!

($150, Alexis Bittar)

I mean SERIOUSLY.

($85, Alexis Bittar)

I'm not a huge fan of red, but these are so slim and smooth, that I'd so do it. (I WOULD!)

($110, Tarina Tarantino, Shoplastyle.com)

I'm not so much a fan of Tarina Tarantino anymore, but I'll make an exception for these. Very elegant, yet not too stuffy. By the way, here's a 20% off coupon for ShopLAStyle: cookie29891. (Looks like a one-time use thing, so someone hurry up and use it!)

($32, Llyon LA, Blondette.com)

While I'm not into crosses, these are cute. And cheap!

(Apprx $1,199, Lulu Frost, Kabiri.co.uk)

Would this be more than my apartment's monthly rent? Yes. Would this be the most beautiful thing in my apartment? Indeed.

Non-Fashion-Related Horrors

It's hard to say which is less forgivable:

This creepy kid from "The Today Show" ...
(WHY is he so aggro???)


Or...
This slightly NSFW fake butt...

When my boyfriend sent me this link, and I was like WTF is that, he responded, truthfully: "I don't know, but there is an anotomically correct example of Anal Fistula included."

Anyway, this is an anatomical model, and per the pullquote from the website, it's "Molded from a 74-year-old patient," and "it looks and feels just like the real thing!" Its product name is D.Q. Bitus (formerly Seymour Butts... for real...), which is an absolutely HILARIOUS (!?!?!) play on the word "decubitis," which is the fancy doctor term for bedsores. WOO! THAT'S HILARIOUS! At what point did they decide Seymour Butts wasn't professional enough? By the way, you can also get the carrying case for an extra $59, so D.Q.'s ass doesn't get cold. Anyway, if that's what my ass looks like when I'm 74, I hope I die at 73.

Cuters Accessories, And Some Not-So Cuters

Several unnecessary but adorbs accessories:

($28, Jonathan Adler)

Many It-designers are overrated. Jonathan Adler is not of them. I LOVE his pottery and I'm especially enamored of his embroidered pieces. They have that excellent 1970s je ne sai quoi that totally reminds me of all the cool shit inside of Roy Scheider's Bob Fosse apartment in "All That Jazz."

($25 per hanky/ $125 for all seven, Jack Spade)

Jack Spade is also one of those designers, though while I do find his much of his pricing to be overrated, I love his design aesthetic. These day-of-the-week handkerchiefs are each named for a different day-of-the-week song title. Days-of-the-week hankies are the new days-of-the-week undies.

Close up:
CUTE! Saturday's prolly my fave.

($25, Patricia Field)

I know I shouldn't like this cute little Patricia Field Barbie mirror compact, yet I do.

($248, Anomaly Jewelry, Etsy)

I'm not a huge fan of babies (not ones that are born or awake anyway), but I do love lobsters. And while a real-life lobster baby would probably break my heart, I'm not sure if it'd break it as much as not owning this piece would.

($274, Sabrina Dehoff, Creatures of Comfort)

I think I may've posted this ages ago, but I'm not the best at "memory." Anyway, it rules.



Now, three things that definitely don't rule:

(Bijules NYC)

Um, I too put a high premium on creativity, but sometimes, you just gotta draw the line. Unless you're Lil Kim. (I do like a lot of this designer's other pieces those.)

($244, Gary Baseman, Thegiantpeach.com)

I know there's an entire world of anime and street artists and stuff that I know admittedly little about, but sometimes I just KNOW in my gut that sometimes, plastic figurines are best left to plastic figurines.


Now, as someone who enjoys making jewelry, I know it's not nice to crap on other people's hard work. But, that said, that's basically what I'm about to do. Okay, I think it's nice that if you're say, 48 years old and have several grandchildren whose likenesses you want to turn into mini acrylic chips that you can wear around your wrist, then you've found an outlet to fulfill that desire. But a Fall Out Boy charm bracelet? (Chris Daughtry and Josh Groban I can sort of understand. It hits that target demo like a fucking bullseye.) But AFI? Breaking Benjamin? And who the fuck is Neal Schon? Should you be able to own a McDreamy Grey's Anatomy charm bracelet? In my opinion, you should not be able to. Also, the egregious misspelling of John Lennon and Van Halen concern me greatly.

It's showtime!

'Tis The Season For Fugs Footwear: The Holiday Edition

Truthfully, the only thing these shoes have to do with the holidays is that it's the middle of the December. Now that I've cleared that up, let's get to it:

($164, Glory Chen, Endless.com)

You don't even need to have seen the inside of this person's home to know that it's decorated in that depressing pastel "Southwestern" Stucco style.

($50, Schuh)

How can just one pair of cheap shoes say so much about unfulfilled expectations?

($470, Bernard Wilhelm, Shopfatal.com)

Remember the '80s? Yeah? Me too. Some things are best left there.

($198, Free People)

Aye caballero. No mas, por favor!


(Apprx $152, Topshop)

Perhaps these "Gladiator" boots were named after the movie, which would explain why they suck so epically.

($109, Type Z, Zappos)

Can whoever took Apollonia's purple suede "shoobies" without asking please return them? She's getting pissed.

($2,350, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

FINALLY! A boot that lets me pay tribute to both "Hellraiser" and "Blade Runner" at the same time.

($78, Naughty Monkey, Zappos)

Sometimes, "knowing when to say when" applies to the Bedazzler too.

Phillip Lim Lust

Four pieces that I'm currently lusting after, by 3.1 Phillip Lim.

(Apprx $857 USD, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Matchesfashion.com)

I'm usually not into Asian-inspired silk styles or prints, but for some reason I really love this.

($310, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Barneys Co-op)

I've seen this in person, and it is the softest, most delicate, most femmey, tissue-thin wonderful little slip of a thing. And it is GORGEOUS. However, since it's fairly short, it is made for a woman whose breasts stopped growing at age 11.

($315, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Neiman Marcus)

Love this. Very Carnaby Street. And at an amazing price to boot! w00t!

($695, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Net-a-porter.com)

I would kill for this dress. Only someone who really deserved it though, of course.

UPDATE! KIPPYS RUINS CHRISTMAS!

Per my last post on holiday handbags, check out some Kippys atrocities before the holidays are shut the shit down. Here's why:

($2190, Kippys, Bellasbarn.com)

OMG. If Joan Rivers died and were reincarnated as a jacket, I'd assume it'd probably go something like this. It's like Vegas barfed all over a Little Miss Texas pageant. Per the site's description: Kippy's Black Acid Washed Leather Jacket with Jet Swarovski Crystals. This Fitted Blazer looks fabulous with any denims, pants, and skirts.

DENIMS? Whatever. That's the least of the problems here.

($525, Kippys, Bellasbarn.com)

I don't know Mariah Carey personally, but I feel confident that even back in her glitteriest of butterfly phases, not even SHE would've worn this piece of sparkly trash.

($699 -- down from $995, which makes it a total steal! -- Kippys, Bellasbarn.com)

Now, I'm not even 100$ hardcore anti-fur, but I can't believe rabbits died for this fucking horseshit. I'd toss a can of red paint at the offensive bitch carrying this shitbucket just for having such piss-poor taste.

($1099, Kippys, Bellasbarn.com)

According to the item's description: Kippy's Handbag with Beaver Fur w/Pita Stitch and Side Pockets. Fur Handbags are the In Style Magizine Must have for 2007-2008. Um, something tells me that this would NOT make InStyle's It List. The only It List this bag would make would be a S-H-It List. Also, the ACTUAL name of this shitsack is "Beaver Bag." Seriously. It sounds like some fraternity hazing stunt. Okay. I can't take it anymore. I think we've had enough.


And to make up for the damage I've done to your eyes, here's an audio treat: an MP3! "Christmas Is Cancelled" by The Long Blondes. Don't say I never gave you anything.

Holiday Handbags!

Ho Ho HooooMG I want these cute clutches:

($145, Kooba, Activeendeavors.com)

Love the idea of holiday accessories that are sort of in the red family but aren't like Santa-red.

($350, GoldenBleu, Fashionchateau.com)

I will, however, make an exception for GoldenBleu. LOVES.

($138, Hobo International, Bloomingdales)

Not bad. I really love the black one.

($78, Banana Republic)

A nice little elegant number to hold all of the 143 lipsticks and glosses I invariably and inexplicably have on me at any given moment.

($65, Levis)

I've spent half my day in disbelief that this bag is by Levi's. (Okay, not half. More like 13 seconds, but still...) HOW cute it is this? I never would've guessed -- it looks like a sweet little 1950s vintage number handed down to you by your "dirty joke" auntie. Hooray to you, Levi's, for nailing that subset of the handbag market!

($138, Bo Bo Bags, Luggagepoint.com)

I am including this as a "holiday bag" because it's a cute travel bag, and sometimes you gotta travel over the holidays. To get to where the presents are.

(Apprx $61 USD, Topshop)

And speaking of presents, I would very much like to receive this Topshop butterfly print bag as a present! Looks like it's sold out right now, though perhaps they'll re-up?


And finally, here is a bag I PRAY no one receives as a present, for it is no gift at all:

($54.99, the erroneously named Ivegotyourbag.com)

Um, I don't know who the fuck Kippy is or why s/he charges $445 for belts that probably even Brooke Hogan wouldn't be caught dead in, but someone needs to put a stop to this fashion morts ASAP before the holidays are RUINED FOR EVER FOR EVERYONE!

Marc Jacobs Shoes: The Good, Bad & The Fugly

Seriously, why is Marc Jacobs stuff so schizophrenic? It's either gorgeous or atrocious.
First: I must say that I am enamored of these Marc Jacobs patent cone heel pumps:

($335, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

They're slightly less salmon-y in real life, and they're just overall perfect.

($325, Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

Perfection!

($198, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Pinkmascara.com)

These are amazing. And my size too!


... But how does that explain these atrocities?

($300, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

I hate criss-cross no matter what, but a criss-cross Mary Jane? So misguided.

($235, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

The biggest crime of all! Asymmetrical slingback? Metallic? Jeweled heel! FOR SHAME, MARC JACOBS!