Calvin Klein's Secret Obsession: Not So Secret, Actually When You Spray It Like Ten Times In A Row. Oops.

The friendly folks in charge of Calvin Klein's fragrance PR sent me over an advance of the new Secret Obsession fragrance -- the one Eva Mendes went nudie for and then the pilgrims over at FCC Puritan HQ got all Victorian on us and banned that commercial, probs because it reminded them of the sex they weren't having.

Anyway, Secret Obsession is STRONG, people. Because a lot of the fragrances I prefer tend to be sorta weak, I tend to spritz more than a few times. Bad idea. I nearly suffocated myself and my houseguests after I sprayed this one like six or seven times. This is a seriously musky, mysterious (hence "SECRET") fragrance, so be forewarned: just a dab'll do ya, kay?

It evokes a very glam, old Hollywood, sorta Cheetah Club, late-1950's feeling (I've been watching a ton of Mad Men -- think Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway). Very musky and erotic, with very strong notes of orange, jasmine and mucho tuberose, very seductive, nighttime fragrance. Don't wear this to high holiday services, okay, or else you'll have lots more repenting to do.

Check out Mimi Mimi Frou Frou's highly sophisticado review of the fragrance.

It's available in 1 oz, 1.7 oz and 3.4 oz sizes, and honestly, I'd probably recommend the smallest size because a little goes a LONG way here, ladies.

Eva Mendes- Secret Obsession Banned Commercial
by CelebriNet2

Labor Day Sale: 20% Off Everything At Active Endeavors

Yay! Everything is 20% off at Active Endeavors with promo code "Laborday20."

Which means those Loeffler Randall boots just went from $695 to $556!

Extricating Dudes From T-Shirt Hell

Not too long ago, while on the train, I had the extreme misfortune of seeing a guy (obviously) wearing this t-shirt:

Yes, that says "thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." Now I have a feeling that the type of guy who'd actually wear a shirt like that is NOT the type of guy who really sees much action at all. But still. Guys, that's not cool. And I even LIKE potty humor. But that's just bad. And grammatically incorrect -- it doesn't even end with any punctuation!

Anyway, here are some men's t-shirts that express much better taste and don't offend or involve sperm.

($17.95, Fuzzy Ink)

Love this guy. He's the sheriff of 'stache town, and with coupon code "Stache," you get 10% off. I got this shirt, designed by Craig Watkins, for my boyfriend and he wears it on the regs.

($26, Alphanumeric, Robustflavor.com)

Gas prices = le suck.

($30, Jay McCarroll)

Designed by the inimitable Jay McCarroll, and $5 go to Alex's Lemonade Stand, which raises funds to fight childhood cancer. (Shirts available in women's sizes too, y'all!)

($35, Wonderful Design, 2K By Gingham)

2K By Gingham, a Japanese company, aggregates lots of sick designers and sells their t-shirts in both men's and women's sizes. Sorta like Threadless. Love the funny bear above (hee -- he's got pwivate parts!) and two below:

($35, James Joyce, 2K By Gingham)

For the armchair DJ.

($48, Davis, 2K By Gingham)

Comfy-cute soft for dudes.

Loeffler Randall Boots Continue To Inspire Brokeback-Levels of Lust In Me...

Ugh. Usually I'm not too into flat boots, but I keep seeing the Loeffler Randall Matilde flat boot from their Fall 2008 collection, and I could just make love to it like Enis and Jack Twist after a hard day o' ropin' steer.

Observe:

($695, Loeffler Randall, Singer22.com)

Perfectly pretty.

($695, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

The LBD of... flat black boots.

($795, Loeffler Randall, Singer22.com)

More expensive = more desirable!!!

($775, Loeffler Randall, Singer22.com)

Snakeskin = the most desirable of all.

* An aside: Has anyone actually purchased anything from Singer22? The site looks like it's held together by ASCII and dental floss. Did they just blow their load on advertising or something? It's no Net-a-porter! If I'm gonna spend THAT much (and I'm not, but I'm speaking theoretically here), they'd better shell out for a little Flash, you know? Control Your Parameters!

I Am Seriously So Mad At Myself Right Now...

For not having the foresight to set a Google alert to inform me of the existence of this amazing blow dryer dress, which is now ALL FREAKING SOLD OUT at ModCloth. Why? Because God hates me:
Is it super lame that because I'm on book three of the Twilight series, I wish I had Alice Cullen's psychic abilities to help me out in CRUCIAL situations like this? Also, who else is reading Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn? CONFESS AND DISCUSS!

Oh yeah, to console myself, I'm gonna buy this quasi keffiyeh. Sniff!

($19, ModCloth)

Get Bombed: Eddie Bauer Bomber Jacket!

I'm not much of an Eddie Bauer consumer, but I do love me a nice, ruggedly handsome leather bomber jacket:

($349, Eddie Bauer)

It's designed for men, but like Tila Tequila, I'm sure it could easily go either way.

Relevant video:

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Hayden-Harnett $500 Gift Certificate Giveaway!

I will be completely honest here. I want ME to win this. Not YOU. ME ME ME! But if I don't win, I really want you to, 'kay? And if you do win, I'll totally look at you with one of those fake Miss America "I'm so happy for you but so not really!" smiles.

So enter to win the Hayden-Harnett $500 gift certificate giveaway. Yes, you have to opt-in to receive their emails and catalog, but it's well worth it if you win this bag, no? And even MORE worth it if I win!

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

... Like these French Connection studded heels and this new-for-fall Hayden-Harnett bag:

($186, French Connection, Asos)

I don't particularly LOOOOOOOOOOOVE the whipstitching around the top, but I'd walk a mile in heels for those studded cone heels.

($495, Hayden-Harnett)

The most perfectly perfect fall/winter colors. Sigh. Hayden-Harnett: determined to ensure I never stop coveting and lusting after material goods.

Fall Footwear Trend: No Toe!

Is it going to be absolutely impossible this fall to find a pair of shoes that have actually managed to escape the drawing board with their toes intact? Peeptoes have moved from sandals to pumps to boots and Oxfords to like EVERY SHOE EVER, and I'm not all that sure I'm feeling that. Observe:

($175, Corso Como, Piperlime)

Why? I just don't get it! Is it that hard to go the extra 1.5 inches and cover the toe? You're not gonna be wearing these in 90 degree weather!

($405, Claudia Ciuti, Shopbop)

Why? What? NO!

($59, Steve Madden)

So tacky, Jackie!

($109, BCBGirls, Nordstrom)

These wold be totally otherwise cute(sy-ish), but again, WHY the no toe!?!?!?

($99, Nine West)

I actually like these, because they have a sort-of cool vintage look and don't just look like an otherwise regular pair of contemporary shoes that happened to get their toes sliced off. And I love the heels.

($110, Jeffrey Campbell, Shopintuition.com)

Like these for the same reason.

(Apprx $83, Topshop)

These, however? WAY too much going on here.

($96, Jeffrey Campbell, Nordstrom)

Of course, not as what's going on here. (What the FUCK IS going on here!?!?)

($249, Pour la Victoire, Nordstrom)

Oh my Lawd Gawd. They're not inexplicably open-toed, but there's still no excuse. Soooo New Jack Swing-era. Gah.

Remember: random peeptoe = just say NO!

Laptop Bags That Aren't Super Nerdy

Just because YOU'RE a computer nerd (yay!) doesn't mean you have to carry a totally nerded-out laptop bag. I'm currently in the market for a good one, because the Targus ones just ain't cutting it.

Soooo today in Andie Woo on Smith Street, I saw a bag that only reiterated my extreme need for an extremely cute laptop bag. Observes:

($150, Mixx, Alternative Outfitters)

Soooooo cute, right? I'd carry this "Danielle" bag around as a regular bag too. By the way, I guess the brand was called Mixx but now it's called Hoyden Life, but my inquiries to both have bounced back. Weird. But, most importantly, you can still buy their stuff. Yay.

($122, Mixx, Lulamae.com)

The "Megan" bag. Adorable.

($265, Mat & Nat)

Vegan bag line Mat & Nat has totally swankified their sitch. This bag is actually from their men's line, but we'll just let that be our little secret.

($34, Fred Flare)

Not officially a laptop bag, but if you've got a real light and lovely one, like, say, a Macbook Air, you could carry it in this cuteness. My Acer -- which I refer to as the Acer of Base -- however, weighs about as much as a refrigerator, so a lightweight bag such as this might cause me a bit of scapular distress if I tried to carry my compootah in it.

Anyway, point is, those Mixx/ Hoyden Life bags are where it be.

Top Hats at Topshop?

Tyson Beckford in a tutu! Harlequin-style top hats at Topshop? I don't care if Topshop's selling them or Fred Astaire himself rises from the grave to force these upon you. They're just wrong. They remind me of the awful costumes I had to wear in crappy dance recitals growing up in Ohio in the early '80s. My poor parents had to spend so much money on that garbage, and my mom would spend HOURS shoving like a billion bobbypins into my head to get those dumb headpieces to stay on.

I couldn't find the one absolutely moneyshot -- me in a modified showgirl outfit, red satin, a silver sequin heart across the chest, red creonline skirt (natch), and a terrible red heart coming up and out of my head like a muted thought bubble of love. Ugh. Worst. Poor moms.

Anyway, I DID find this photo of me (right) and my sister (on the left), and I think you get the idea. And no, it wasn't taken in like, 1935. It was just scanned in in B&W.

Anyway, point is, dance costumey top hats = no. Still, I <3 Topshop, so I guess I'll allow this one mistake.

Payless Mocs: Worth the $25?

You decide!
($24.99, Payless)

They're cute, classic, and cheap, but I still <3
my butter-yellow Minnetonka ones which, since I bought them last month, I've barely taken off my feet except to go sleep. Me, not the shoes. No rest for those bad boys!

Lady Sings the Blues...

Quickie post on some cuuuuuute blue dresses...

($355, Julie Haus, Active Endeavors)

Pricey but SO precious...

($111, Lorick, Active Endeavors)

Black and blue's the new black!

($44.99, Richard Chai for Target)

So cute for work, and there are ACTUALLY lotsa sizes left!

($34, Old Navy)

This probably wouldn't work for me, but some of y'alls could rock it, lock it right.

($59.99, ModCloth)

You thought those were stars, didn't you? They're not! They're CLOVERS! Even cuter!!!

KG2GTTFN!

Hayden-Harnett Sale + Target Collabo, Bathing Suits and More!

First of awl, Hayden-Harnett is having a major-rager of a sale.

Observe:

(Originally $161, now $64)

Absolutely delovely. Want abounds.

(Originally $190, now $47.50)

Sublimely sweet.

(Originally $170, now $68)

I got this in turquoise. It's the softer, most butteriest leather evah.

(Originally $210, now $52)

Again with my peacock fascination. It never ends.

(Originally $315, now $63)

I usually can't deal with velveteen, but for $63, I can handle a little Dr. Zhivago.

Okay, so Hayden-Harnett's also branched out into cute (obvs) swimwear
and there are also rumors floating around that they might do a collabo with Target and/or open a shop in Grand Central, which would give us all a reason to actually bite the bullet and go there.

Silly Tranny! Silver Shoes Are For Girls!

(Apprx $44 USD, Office.co.uk)

These metallic Keds-like lace-ups are listed in the MEN'S section of Office.co.uk. Really? Surely there must be some kind of mistake here. Is this TRULY what you UK laddies are wearing? I sincerely hope not. No boy should be wearing metallic shoes unless he's got a cane in his hand a top hat on his head.

Napoleon Perdis Peep Show Madame Curl Curl: No Other Mascara Will Ever Touch My Lashes Again

($25, Napoleon Perdis)

Run, don't walk, put your money where you mouse is, and buy this Australian mascara THIS INSTANT. Right this VERY instant. No. Not when you're done reading this post or through checking Jezebel. NOW. This instant. This is, wands down, the best mascara I've ever used, and I've tried a LOT of them, my friends. It goes on very wet and thick, and it's instantly visible. For reals, I've gotten compliments on my lashes, without even fishing for them. It's like it KNOWS me. You need this stuff. Worlds better than Benefit's Bad Gal or the tons of other junk-ass mascara I've blogged about, though I do still love Cover Girl's Lash Blash and would use it again in a pinch. But why, when I've got my Madame Curl Curl! Yay, me, and yay you if you get this stuff!

More on Napoleon Perdis -- he's a celebrity make-up artist dude, and he has a ton of stores in Australia, which does me little good. But, there are also 63 US locations that sell his miracle drugs (plus some concept stores in California but NONE in NYC! Booo!), and some Target and HSN collabos are slated to launch soon as well as a reality show on TLC, though I can't confirm that. You can also stock up at Sephora and Dermstore.com. Tell 'em Tamron sent ya!

** UPDATE: Grayburn, you're right -- I basically just shot my load all over this product without explaining WHY it's awesome. It basically goes on like a cross between Sharpie and Sherwin Williams, which is to say it's got the drama of permanent black marker with the wetness of paint. The curved brush also gets it all up in all your lashes (I do have to do the turn-and-edge thing, which is fine), and just a coat or two gits r done. MIRACLE OF MIRACLES! Seriously, this is the REAL DEAL EVANDER HOLYFIELD of mascaras. The ONLY issue I have is that it can be a little messy -- I definitely need to call upon my friend, Signor Q-Tip, to clean up a little on my upper lids when I'm done, but that could be the overzealousness with which I am applying. Like, seriously, remember when you were little and your mom bought sugar cereal and you were SO excited to go to sleep because when you woke up you knew you were gonna get to eat it? THAT's how I feel now about my mornings and putting on this mascara. (Unless I'm hung ovah.)

ALSO, apparently the products are no longer gonna be available at Sephora and are instead going to be at Ulta, and the Target NP SET is going to launch later this month. Yay!