Again, Hayden-Harnett Continues To Torture Me

($148, Hayden-Harnett)

Hayden-Harnett, that's ENOUGH out of you. STOP creating the type of marvelous metal-and-leather studded pieces -- like the Corrine studded leather necklace in grape -- that I would create if I were so inclined. It reminds me of bad-ass broken glass, and also reminds me that I have a wedding to pay for. Can I just pay someone to stand over my shoulder and slap my hand away from my mouse every time I almost buy something? If I paid you per slap, you'd be rich beyond your wildest dreams. Wait a second... instead of hiring that kind of disciplinarian, why don't I just BUY THIS NECKLACE? GOD, MY POWERS OF DEDUCTIVE REASONING SHOWCASE THE FACT THAT I'M NOTHING SHORT OF A FUCKING BRILLIANT, BEAUTIFUL MIND!

Topshop's Fall Boutique Designer Collabos: Footwear Picks From Preen, Ashish & Emma Cook

Well, at least they're bold. At your own risk, check out Topshop's boutique designer footwear collaborations for fall. Topshop's teamed up with Ashish, Preen, and Emma Cook, who's BRINGING BACK THE CREEPER! THE CREEPER LIVES! Everything's coming up '90s. And, yeah, I keep reading that the up-to-your-cooter booter's gonna be bigger than CRACK this fall, but eh? Pass.

Okay, wait. I WOULD wear these Emma Cook mushroom-colored suede platform Oxfords...

... And the Emma Cook dalmatian-print fringed pseudo-Creepers.



But Emma Cook's old-school zebra-print Creepers is where I ABSOLUTELY draw the line!


These Peter Jensen for Topshop batshit sky-high white boots are taller than two of me.


While these Preen For Topshop thigh-high suede boots are like taller than three of me.


I love Ashish, but sorry. Ziggahzig... do not want.

Blowing My Mind Right Now: Iossellani Skull Cluster Ring

($363, Iossellani, ForwardForward.com)

Once again, line between need and wants grows even hazier and hazier.

More gorj jewelry that confounds my understanding of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
+ Crystal fixations
+ Littmarck leather bracelets!
+ Tarina Tarantino jewelry I <3
+ Avindy diamond rings for UNDER $400 (yahrly!)

Studded, Structured, Sequined Shoes For Fall!

It's time for a... Fall shoe binge! Check these selects -- studded, structured heels and booties I'd buy if you were footing the bill.

($129, Steven By Steve Madden, Piperlime)

I know. I need more studded stuff like Kanye needs more exposure. But I can't resist these fun "Stardom" flats.

($24, Pink Footwear, Lulus)

Black oxfords = So simple, so cheap, so... something I will inevitably go back and buy in a week after much pointless deliberation, so I may as well just buy them now, right?

($585, Giuseppe Zanotti, Piperlime)

I need more '80s throwback heels like Fergie needs more bronzer, but I can't resist these black suede eyelet-covered Giuseppe Zanottis.

($110, BCBG Girls, Dillards)

Uh, blue suede, cone heel, fun '80s grommets? BCBGirls "Border" heels = YES.

($49.99, alice + olivia for Payless)

Don't you love how Payless can get low, like Flo Rida style? These alice + olivia "Robertson" peep-toe jeweled boots are sluttastic in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY. Next stop? Bootswitdafur!

($26.99, Payless)

Black lacquer heels at PAYLESS? Girl, you is NASTY!

($26.99, Payless)

Payless, girl, you are BAAAAAAAAD! And it feels GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

New Tournaire Engagement Rings

Check out these brand-new super-architectural (obviously), thoroughly modern-paradoxically-ancient-accented engagement rings by Phillipe Tournaire. They're inspired by the first-ever engagement rings from the Merovingian dynasty, which sounds cool because no one cut their hair.

And instead of a bloody bloody blood diamond, you get the loaded-with symbolic structural imagery of a united couple's new home and family. They're 18K gold, and if you simply MUST have a diamond, you can do that too. They start at $1,100, which isn't so bad for a really cool alt- engagement ring, you know? Jews, you should dig it too because they've got a very Jerusalem/ Havdallah spice box vibe too. And if you just like trends (guilty), the second ring is basically a glorified pyramid stud. Win!

This Alexander Wang Stud Print Dress Is Making Me Sad

($968.78, Alexander Wang, Brownsfashion)

... Sad because we'll never be together, and because the print reminds of me SO many things I hold so dearly to my heart -- studs, crossword puzzles, and online Tetris knock-off games, such as Bejeweled. Ugh. We were so meant to be together, this Alexander Wang dress and me.

Great. Now I have that Jewel song stuck in my head.

Jewel - New Music - More Music Videos

I Heart These Kate Spade Heart Heels

($325, Kate Spade, Endless.com)

Even though they're Kate Spade... Can't have it all. HOW fun would these be peeking out from under a wedding dress, hmmm? (Much like Cat had her Melissa x Vivienne Westwood heart heels peeking out from beneath her super-fun wedding dress!)

LOOKY CAT! ALL HITCHED UP!

Meet the NEW Mrs! Cat done got HITCHED UP! Here we are doing make-upy things during the cocktail hour, where everyone looked like someone out of The Great Gatsby, (minus the greedy bummer-ness of that book). It was an emotional roller coaster, and an absolute blast. Cat looked phenomenal and magically married -- if you will -- FOUR fun pieces that totally should not have gone together but did so perfectly! (Dress, fun hair poof, vintage lace necklace and THE Melissa x Vivienne Westwood heart-toe shoes.) Seriously, Cat should quit her day job and become a stylist for girls who want to look cool and gorgeous and not ZZZZZZ on their wedding day. Everything fit together perfectly... just like the bride and groom.

More fun to come. Cat's off to Paris, and I'm off... to bed! Bon soir!

Rebecca Taylor Cutout Bootie I Am Totally Trying Very Hard Not To Buy Right Now

For WEEKS now I've been trying DESPERATELY not to buy these SWEEEEET-ass Rebecca Taylor perforated platinum boots. They're leaving a perforated spot in my heart.

($239, Rebecca Taylor, Shopsheboutique.com)

Also, two things: FIRST OF ALL, my totes apologiezorbots for not BLOGGING more. I've been straight blogging my DECK off at Le Job, and ALSO, CATHERINE IS GETTING MARRIED in like 72 HOURS! EEEE! So we've been bridal/bridesmaiding up a storm. Speaking of STORMS, let's hope it does not RAIN, so please do an anti-rain dance for Saturday, kay?

BTW, I'll wearing these Fornarina Daisy heels, except in silver. I got them on Yoox for $28. Not kidding here.

OKAY, so the other thing I was going to share was that today I accidentally closed Firefox and lost probably over 40 tabs I'd been collecting for like MONTHS. Devastating computational mishap! It didn't even warn me or anything. I'm basically like one of those people on that show Hoarders with the way I squirrel away links. Ugh. So sad. Don't let careless computer use happen to you.

Oh Look! More Really Fugly Shoes That Look Like Paper Bags!

($69, Chinese Laundry, FlyJane.net)

These Chinese Laundry Sudoku "shoes"? "Sandals"? Shandals? Make my feet want to cry. Also, I really don't trust sites that end in .net. Was EVERY SINGLE combination of "shoes" and "something else" really and truly taken in the dot com domain? It reminds me of the "Clown Penis Dot Fart" SNL commercial. Which is a way better idea than these crappy shoes. WHY WOULD YOU WANT YOUR HEEL COMPLETELY OBSCURED BUT THE OTHER 3/4 OF YOUR FOOT FULLY EXPOSED? No.

Marc Jacob's Fur Lined Suede Ankle Booties Make My Eyes Sad

Hey! Wanna know why you either get to be a desert boot, a platform, OR a stiletto. Because here's what happens when you try to combine ALL THREE TO FORM A METEOR OF ONE FUCKING HIDEOUS SHOE.

($855.14, Marc Jacobs, Mytheresa.com)

No.

Awesome Wedding Ring Alert: Avindy

Check up on these gorgeous rings I found by mother-daughter jewelry design duo Avindy. They'd both make super unusual wedding rings, and, even more unusual, they're both under $400. Yes, really.

($310, Avindy, Havensonline.com)

I always love the hammered metal -- this ring's also available in white gold, which I'm sure is really gorgeous.

($375, Avindy.com)

This ring's a twelve-diamond (so I'm assuming it goes halfway around, which is perfect for the recession, because who even sees the back of your hand? You don't NEED diamonds there!), and it's pave. Perfect starter ring.

ALSO, sorry for the lack of postage lately -- Me and Cat's been BRIDALING up a STORM, literally -- I was at an AWESOME wedding in the Finger Lakes, where it RAINED like woah, cleared up for 30 minutes, leaving just enough time for the bride and groom to do the damn thing, and then the second they kissed, there was a huge clap of thunder -- the heavens approved! Then, of course, it poured again, and there was a gorgeous rainbow. NICE WORK, R&D! AAAANNNND, Cat's OWN wedding is like FOUR SECONDS AWAY! GAHHH!

HAMBURGER BED! I DIE!

I'm in big big trouble deep. I'm in love. With a hamburger bed. Actually, it's a cheeseburger, but beggars can't be choosers, as I used to tell my ex-boyfriend!

It's the granddaddy of all non-edible burger products. As the proud owner of a burger pillow, I can ONLY DREAM of owning this burger bed. And I never will. It got sold on ebay for $3,050. Grrrr. If only I'd known, I could've sacrificed a wedding dress and just rolled down the aisle between these amazing bunz.

Kayla Kromer of Austin MADE this burger bed, and obviously she is a GENIUS.

You can be friends with the Burger Bed on Facebook and become a fan of Kayla, which you should, because she's obviously a genius, like I said.

I love this snippet of dialogue on Hamburger Bed's Facebook page. It's regarding the BUYER (luckiest human ON this EARTH besides RACHEL ZOE who is SOOOOO FORTUNATE to have cracked the code that allows one to exist ONLY ON SHREDDED LETTUCE!), Paul:

One person: "Is Paul cool?"

Another person: "He bought a hamburger bed. Enough of an indication? I think so..."

Anyway, unless you are Paul, know Paul, Paul decides to resell the burger bed, or, you break into Paul's house (reason enough to invest in a feral pitbull!) you can buy a more size- and recession-friendly burger pillow like the one I own and adore:

($38, Leeleescreations)

You have no clue how comfy a burger pillow is. And surprisingly supportive on one's neck! Kosher for Passover too.

($20, 80stees.com)

Cheesy but cute Juno hamburger phone tee. GET IT? CHEESY?

Topshop Fall/ Winter 2009 Preview, Y'all!

In which I editorially select some of my FAVORITE pieces from Topshop's forthcoming Fall/ Winter '09er stuff. Did I hear a niner? Lots of chunky knits, studs, fake furs, feathers, and '90s grunge inspiration topped off with some '70s boho-meets-coke den attributes. Mix, but never match, okay? Look for the pieces to hit Topshop stores and Topshop.com starting nowish.


From the Horror Girls collection.



Will I EVER get over the raging perma-bone I have for pyramid studs?

Because I LOVE a sequin jacket, peeps!


Besides finding like $50 in your pocket, what's better than a banded sweater with a nice scoopneck, hm?









Both sweaters are from Markus Lupfer collection, and they're $170.

... Seriously, I will HAVE MY WAY with that leather bag and those black studded heels. Both are absolutely the last night I need right now (weddings don't pay for themselves, as it turns out!), but I can't stop OCDing about them in my widdle brain.

Okay, now for the Topshop Fall/ Winter '09 stuff that I am NOT feeling:

NO. Muppets died for these sins. I cannot handle THAT much '90s.

Please, no. Don't EVER EVER EVER wear a feather headdress unless you are an actual factual Native American engaging in some sort of purpose-driven ceremony.

Michael C Fina Wedding & Engagement Ring Sample Sale! HOLLAR!

Dudefaces. Are y'awl in the market to be buying up a wedding ring or engagement ring? Yah? Mkay GREAAAAT because Michael C. Fina is having a sample sale in-store at 545 Fifth Avenue.
It's August 4 - 6, 11a.m.-8p.m, and the sitch is you get can save up to 70% off brands like Vera Wang, Scott Kay, Tacori, Jeff Cooper, Verragio, and several other brands I've never heard of because I don't sit around reading about wedding rings all day. But I do know what 70% off means, you know? Okay, that's as much as I know.

Giuseppe Zanotti, What Hath Thou Done???

($1109.83, Giuseppe Zanotti, Colette)

No. Sorry, Giuseppe Zanotti. This is like some Pebbles and Bam Bam meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert shit meets a tragic shearing scissor mishap. And you do not get to do that.

Maison Martin Margiela 22 Wedding Shoe Abortion

I found these absolutely stunning Maison Martin Margiela 22 heels, which I ordered for potentially for my wedding dress. They turned out to be an absolute abortion of a shoe effort. Which is unfortunate because they are absolutely the most beautiful shoes I've ever held in my hands, which were the only body part that got to experience them since they were too narrow to fit onto my foot. I felt like Cinderella's step-sister, all shoving my oar of a foot into 'em.

($190, Maison Martin Margiela 22, Yoox.com)

These photos do them no justice whatsoever. The white part is actually this stunning nude-colored (if you're me) mesh, and while they look really delicate, they're made so well. I cried putting them back into the box and sending them back to Yoox. I tried them in a 9, which I never wear, but they were just too narrow. Bew! Oh yeah, big shoutout to Yoox, because they're on their returns like white on rice. Hate when returns take like 2838348 years. Theirs take like 10 days. Super speedy, and I'm lovin' on their customer service.

Also, um, check out these bizarre-ass money shoes by Maison Martin Margiela 22:

($190, Maison Martin Margiela 22, Yoox.com)

They're like the classiest hooker heels EVER. Also, if you give me $190, a pair of old heels and some Monopoly money and some Crazy Glue, I will recreate this look for you. Win!