Jessica Alba Power Dresses In Lanvin!

While I'm truly indifferent to Jessica Alba's comings and goings in this world, I do give her two style snaps for totally POWER DRESSING TO THE MAX in the Lanvin Pre-Fall 2009 metallic dress she wore to the Spike TV’s Scream Awards 2009 earlier this month.


It's SO Joan Collins in Dynasty.

Lord Help Me...

There are like 80 new colors of the Vivienne Westwood for Melissa Lady Dragon shoe. Or, you know, four. Same difference.

Hold me back!!

And also:



Seriously? I really want the stamp one. With the matte finish?? Hothothot!

Unfortunately I need more rubber shoes NOT.

You, though, you go 'head. Find them at Epaulet, as always.

OMG I NEED A JONATHAN ADLER BARBIE DOLL!

($49.95, Barbiecollector.com)

I NEED this Jonathan Adler Barbie doll! It's like the actualization of all of unhealthy fantasies in doll form!

($53.99, Barbiecollector.com)

And why stop there when I could also own the Barbara Streisand Barbie? Barbie Barbra can you HEAR ME?


+ Plus: Brunch At Fred Flare WITH Jonathan Adler!

Jeffrey Campbell: "What about your shoes. Do they serve some sort of orthopedic function?"

($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Needsupply.com)

ALL I can think about when I look at these fugly wugly wasn't he, fully-encased-in-no black covered platforms is Seth Green as Kenny Fisher in Can't Hardly Wait, and the key line he delivers to Lauren Ambrose: "What about your shoes. Do they serve some sort of orthopedic function?"

Wedding Dress Steals: J. Crew Silk Sophia Gown

Errrrryone be gettin' hitched up in herre. My fiance's sister just got engaged, so we're off to HAWAII in just a few months for her beachside wedding. NOT mad at it! She's looking for a simple white dress, and I saw this one in the new J. Crew catalog (which, BEE TEE DUBS, I love ALMOST EVERYTHING IN! Ann Taylor isn't the only maje retailer that's stepped it ALL the way up! W2GJC!), and it's so simple and beautiful:

($395, J Crew)

It's the "Sophia" dress, and for under $400, you'd think it'd be cotton or jersey or something, but it's silk and it's beautiful, especially for a summery beach wedding. The dress is styled far better in the catalog -- the model is hunched over like a sad emo lady -- and is wearing a gorgeous statement necklace, which is what's so great about this necklace -- it's flattering in the high waist, and it's simple but not boring and a great canvas to personalize it with some beautiful, possibly bright (if you're me) accessories. Also, since the straps are thicker, it's perfect if you're a big-busted bride or for whatever boobs you do or don't have. Plus, the empire waist (versus mermaidy tightness) means you can have at it with the pizza without the punishment of Spanx. My own wedding dress is a similar style -- I've been doin' work on my arms, but a totally flat tum is just pretty much not in the cards for me.

Anyway, check out how pretty it is in grey too:
With some yellowy or magenta-y accessories? OMG. Beautastic.

($395, J. Crew)

Also gorgeous -- the Whitney silk dress with a pretty sash that actually doesn't suck.

HOLY SHIT. ANN TAYLOR HAS STEPPED IT THE EFF UP IN THE MOST REAL WAY

Yesterday I had THE MOST vile experience ATTEMPTING to browse wedding rings at Michael C. Fina -- they barely acknowledged my presence. Maybe they're not in the habit of... selling... fine jewelry? To people willing to pay good money for fine jewelry??? Seriously? I had to ASK the woman behind the counter for help. And I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE STORE. Ew. Sure, I was wearing fuchsia leather fingerless gloves, so she perhaps assumed I was a drug addict or a thief or something (wrong on both counts). In actually, I interested in what they had for sale. Sorry, but my father and my fiance's father were both in sales, and you never know who you're turning down or turning away. (In this case, A PERSON WITH A BLOG! Who's not afraid to share her shitty experience with the reading public! Three other friends told me they had same experience trying to shop there. Since when do you need to "TRY" to shop??) So turn away, I did. But not before I noticed they had like the TACKIEST crap for sale near the door -- Ed Hardy-esque flame-lick cuff links and stuff. EW. I headed over to the diamond district, which, sure, can be sharky, but people actually TOOK their time to talk to me like they gave a shit as I attempted to look for a piece of jewelry that symbolizes my love and committment to my partner. So thank you, diamond district dudes, for giving a shit. And fuck you, lady who works at Michael C Fina, for not giving a shit. Because I'm trying to buy my WEDDING rings, so yes, I do give a shit.

SOOOOOO, long story longer, after that, I stopped into Ann Taylor because they had sparkly things in the window. AND OH MY GOD. Ann Taylor has SEEEEEEEEEEEERIOUSLY stepped it ALL the way the fuck up and gone from Grandma to Grand-NAW! Like, such an epic makeover it's like when Sandy goes from boring to whoring at the end of Grease. Except obviously neither Sandy nor Ann Taylor is/ are whores.

Okay, check out ALL of the super cute things I found at Ann Taylor online that I would wear in a single solitary heartbeat.

($65, AnnTaylor.com)

WHO among us would NOT wear this amazement chunky statement necklace? NOT I! I can tell you that much.

($120, AnnTaylor.com)

Um, I'm sorry, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I can no longer separate rational needs from irrational wants when confronted with this metallic jacquard leopard-print skirt, Ann!

($85, AnnTaylor.com)

Lately all I can think about is Glee and sequiny things. Unsurprisingly. This sequined tank top is as perfect as Puck.

($175, AnnTaylor.com)

ANN! WTF! I LOVE this grey slouchy boot! Seriously!? Jamaican me CRAZY!

($175, AnnTaylor.com)

Ann! It's cool, not tryin' to put a rush on you. I just wanna let you know that I got a crush on you.

($100, AnnTaylor.com)

ANN! It's like you CREPT into my closet and KNEW I have the BEST orange suede vintage jacket that this would complement PERFECTLY! GAH! Ann, it's like you know me better than I know myself. You devil, you!

Hi! A whole Chanel-inspired outfit! Bar jacket and all! I ADORE YOU, ANN!

My Fantastic Brunch With Fred Flare! And Jonathan Adler! And Parker Posey! (But Not Charlie.)

Guys! Yesterday I got to go the most wonderful brunch situation. It was a charity brunch hosted by Fred Flare, the proceeds went to God's Love With Deliver (which is a wonderful New York City-based organization that delivers healthy meals to people living with HIV/AIDS), and the guest of honor was JONATHAN ADLER! THE Jonathan Adler! And radworthy woman Parker Posey was there too. The brunch was across the street from the Fred Flare store at tasty Greenpoint yum/ coffee/ vinyl outpost, Eat, and their coffee almost had me ZOOMING down the street it was so strong and good and delicious. Anyway, it was also the year anniversary of Fred Flare's brick-and-mortar store opening (I did a piece about the store at this time last year, and I had the pleasure and honor of meeting Chris, Keith, and Jen at that time).

Anyway, Parker Posey herself toasted the guys and said it best -- it was so great to see everyone smiling and happy. And that smiling, happy vibe at the brunch is same fun and infectious vibe that Keith and Chris and their Flare girls (and guys!) bring to the store.

Fred Flare is one of my favorite stores on EARTH, and that's because Keith and Chris are two of the nicest, hardest-working, most fun and just geniunely good guys who deserve all of their success and more. Happy anniversary guys! And MEWS to Charlie!

Oh yeah, check out the insane black sequined blazer I picked up at the store. DEATH!

($84, FredFlare.com)

It was $84 bucks, but I felt like A MILLION TRILLION bucks in it, which is what Fred Flare's all about.

Oh yeah, PLEASE GTK (get to know) Fred Flare kitty CHARLIE, who, aside from Roris P. Cat, and Simonium Timonium, who's my other cat with Beauty Blogging Junkie's Glambr (long story), and the late, great, Romeo, AKA King Of All Kats, is the CUTEST CAT IN THE UNIVERSE. Then GTK their amazing night out on Fashion's Night Out, where they went on a designer scavenger hunt! Amazements!

Assad Mounser = Chunky's The New Skinny!

I love the current jewelry trend of the super chunky, layers-upon-more-layered necklaces that's happening right now that will probably have us all look back in like five years and be like OMG! THAT WAS SOOOOOOOO 2009!" But for now, let there be chunky jewelry! Also, I'd like to pat myself on the back for copping some chunky pearl-and-metal necklaces a few years ago, but really, no one gives a shit.

($339, Assad Mounser, Otteny.com)

Right now, Assad Mounser (Amanda Amanda Assad Mounser's eponymous label -- her debut collection was inspired by David Bowie, AHMAHGAH!) is the QUEEN of chunk, which, in this case, is a good thing.

($495, Assad Mounser, KirnaZabete.com)


($495, Assad Mounser, KirnaZabete.com)

Mad Men Style: BE BETTY DRAPER!

Um, hi. Remember Betty Draper's AMAZING aquamarine jacquard Grace Kelly dress from two episodes ago?

($350, Rebecca Taylor, eDressme.com)

BOOM. Rebecca Taylor's blue-gold sweetheart party dress. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Cheap! Sequin Tee-Shirt! PERFECTION!

($36.90, Alloy)

I've been searching fruitlessly for a sequined t-shirt or tank I could dress up with skinny jeans or wear under a blazer, but everything I found was a few hundred bucks... EXCEPT THIS ONE! It's just $36! Thanks, Alloy!

Also, since I'm here, should I get these bleached skinny jeans? Eh?

($36.90, Alloy)

Frock Yeah: Alice + Olivia's Perfect Sequin Party Frock

($495, Alice + Olivia, Singer22.com)

I've spent far too much time this week indulging my sequined-frock fantasies, and this Alice + Olivia keyhole-back sequin number is like the Don Draper of sequined dresses as far as fantasies go, no? It's costly, to be sure, but it's so so so many dresses in one -- rough-n-tumble skinny sad punk, as illustrated above, blazer on top for a daytime look, or as it should be -- slicked-back hair, dark lips, almost no jewelry, black tights, black booties or patent heels for holiday fun. Done.

Strange Searches Net Men's Panthyhose

Hiiiiii guyzzzzze. It's been FOREVER. Okay, not really forever. Technically just a week. It's just that it FEELS like foreveskies. I've been WALKING -- I WALKED 40 EFFING MILES FOR BREAST CANCER (Well, AGAINST it and to raise money for research and funding) ON SATURDAY AND SUNDAY! And I've been working. But I MISH you.

Okay, so this is random and not at all about fashion or beauty or style or stuff, but SERIOUSLY, can you EVEN HANDLE the absurdity of the random shit I've found while searching for OTHER random shit?


Men's pantyhose! IN GERMAN! How much do you wanna BET that that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's body with some random dude's face Photoshopped onto it?


Some kind of horrifying reimagining of the female reproductive system as some kind of gay disco, at the bottom of which lives one of those Fisher Price rainbow rings toys, which, apparently, vibrates. DO NOT WANT!

Okay, lastly, here's something that IS fashiony. A HILARIOUS article by Mary HK Choi in TheAwl about thigh-high boots, referred to here as "skank boots." Best line:
"These disgusting shoes that happily swashbuckle up your leg to munch on your—thanks to micro winter shorts and leggings—totally visible, strangled-to-the-point-of-bulbous PUDENDA are bad for business. Unless you're a safety girl who stows Gold Circle Coin condom of champions in them, I don't understand how healthy people with eyes and reflective surfaces who still menstruate regularly and swallow after chewing food don't know this is a fucking practical joke run by the fashion industry, famous people, and anorexics who do this shit instead of crying and running in place."

PS -- DEAR FCC AND READERS. THIS IS NOT A PAID ENDORSEMENT OF A DISCO VAGINA OR MEN'S PANTYHOSE. I DID NOT RECEIVE EITHER, NOR DO I WANT TO RECEIVE THESE PRODUCTS FOR FREE.

YES, PLEASE, WANT! Cheap Monday Night Sweater Dress

($99, Cheap Monday, Karmaloop.com)

Cheap Monday's eerie, Egyptian-inspired sweater dress is what I NEED to be wearing right now. Someone with $99 to donate to my cause, make this happen. (Note: my cause is THAT I NEED TO BE WEARING THIS CHEAP MONDAY DRESS. kthx.)

Pointless Desires: Silver Oxfords

Ugh. So, Christian Louboutin or Yohji Yamamoto or someone fancy pants made some fancy shiny silver Oxfords or brouges or whatever. I'm not even coveting those, but I DO want these simpler silver jazz shoes:

($100, Labour Of Love, Farfetch.com)


($132, Candela, Bluefly.com)


($595, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Thoughts on these Christian Louboutin glittery "Fred" jazz shoes? Ridiculous, but with the black-and-white outfit, they're cool in a Michael Jackson way. (Btw, news you can use: Christian Louboutin custommade the shoes the dancers wore in the Michael Jackson tribute at this year's VMAs.)

Topshop's Student Shop = 20% Off On October 13 and 14

Are you a student in a real-deal school? University of Phoenix honor roll member? Enrolled in the school of hard fuckin' knocks? Still desperately hanging onto your student ID? (Please. I would be if I hadn't lost my wallet in the Lower East Side like five years ago. And even back then, it was getting desperate.)

Check out Topshop's Student Shop event on October 13 and 14 to save 20% on in-store savings.



For the first time, we’re bringing our famous Student Shop to New York!

Tuesday 13th and Wednesday 14th October
478 Broadway (Broadway and Broome)
7:00 – 10:00pm

For two nights only, we’re offering late night shopping with a twist where you’ll get 20% off instead of the usual 10% off for all students with a valid student card.

There’ll be live DJ’s in store, goodie bags and gorgeous hidden prizes to get your hands on. This is the perfect opportunity to get your AW09 capsule wardrobe all sorted …

Numbers are limited. Places available on a first- come, first-serve basis, after which a one-in, one-out policy applies.

Make sure you put this not-to-be-missed date in your diary.

A VALID STUDENT ID MUST BE SHOWN ON ENTRY.

(Which means I'm out.)t

Gorj Manoush Pink Minidress -- Proceeds Benefit Breast Cancer Charity

Okay, can I say a bitchy thing real quick? I can because it's my blog! Okay, I think the breast cancer awareness pink product bandwagon is a little overly full. I am fully not trying to take away anyone who's had breast cancer or anyone trying to do their part to raise money or awareness. I mean, if you wanna put on a pair of pink socks and that makes you feel like you're doing your part, then, so be it. But my point is the breast cancer month pink products thing is slightly overboard. Though obviously any money raised toward breast cancer -- or any disease -- research is a good thing.

Anyway, that said, after seeing pitches for like everything short of breast cancer month Kleenex, flipflops, shoehorns, and pingpong balls, oh yeah, and the pink PedEgg (VOMMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTTT) I saw an amazing pink dress by Manoush.

($320, Manoush, eDressme.com)

10% of the price of this Manoush dress, as well as the rest of eDressme's pink dresses, benefit breast cancer research.

I shit you not.

REGRETSY! Finally, A Site For Etsy's Most Regrettable Submissions

For YEARS I've marveled at some of the most absolutely SHITEOUS and absolutely baffling submissions on Etsy that make ABSOLUTELY no sense and appear to fill no niche or need.

FINALLY, someone brilliant and ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL has answered that call and fulfilled the need. Please, check out Regretsy. I haven't laughed that hard since Rose, Blanche, Dorothy and Sophia showed up naked to dinner at the nudists colony.

Even Regretsy's tagline had me LOLing so hard I was gasping for air: "Handmade? It looks like you made it with your feet."

Special attention must be paid to the Michael Jackson baseball -- "I would have thought a great gift to keep Michael alive might have been a defibrillator. But I’m not a doctor. Other than that, this makes perfect sense. Because whenever I hear “Michael Jackson”, I immediately think “baseball”. Well technically, I think “Little League”, but you know what I’m saying."

+ Sarah Palin Christmas tree ornament -- "Look out, Santa, our Christmas tree is going rogue this year! What better way to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus than with an ornament commemorating America’s wolf-hunting sweetheart? Will giving your loved ones this ornament keep you away from the death panels? You betcha!"

+ Seashell Cowrie Shell Seahorse -- "This is the best use of shells and library paste since I had the linguine at the Olive Garden."

+ And, of course, the Vulva Portrait Pendant Charms -- "If I’m going to spend that much time online talking to a stranger about my pussy, I better be playing with myself."

Studded Booties, Coats And More Things That Don't Need to Be Studded But I Can't Stop Being Drawn To Like A Magpie

WAHHHH. This girl's so POUTY. WAHSSSSSAMATTARRRR? Don't you like her BLAZER? I do. Duh. BECAUSE IT'S GOT STUDS ON IT.

($158, Priorities, Winknyc.com)

I like how this blazer's by "Priorities," as in, none of mine are straight.

($145, ASOS)

I am committing so many sins just by staring at this black studded swing trench. Ugh.

BEE TEE DUBS! I CAN'T BELIEVE I forgot to tell you that I got a camel-colored studded trench coat from Topshop. It looks like this but it's CAMEL, got it? It was originally $400 something, which is outlandish, but I got it on sale for $200. Still kind of pricey considering it isn't made marvelously, but I'll be wearing on the daily. Huzzah for fall!

($310, Topshop)

OHHHh studded black booties with cone heel! You were MADE in my image, were you not? I CAN'T though. I CAN'T. Super pointy cone heels are NEVER comfy. And $300 is reeedamndick. Hi. Welcome to the dialogue of my internal conflict.