Why Aren't I Wearing: This Vintage Frank Usher Dress?

POWER DRESSING JACKPOT! The description of this bonkersly rad 1980s dress basically parallels everything I want my life to be. (I've bolded the most attractive parts to emphasize how much they relate to everything I love and strive for.)

(Apprx $240 USD, Frank Usher, Freudianslipvintage.com)

An incredible vintage 1980's Frank Usher beaded cocktail gown, with substantial shoulder pads. Literally dripping with beading, bold silver sequins and bugle beads are encrusted across the shoulders and cuffs, and in a zig zag band across the front and back bodice. The dress is in black silk chiffon, with a sheer panel across the top of the bodice. The remainder of the dress is sprinkled throughout with sparkling black bugle beads. An exceptional dress for the party season, and in a really wearable size!

The extent to which I'm considering buying this is troubling me.

+ SWEET 1980s Frank Usher top on eBay. Remember the name "Frank Usher" and save it your eBay searches AHORA.

Vivienne Westwood's INSANE Rocking Horse PLASTIC Wedges

Like really really platform. Really plastic. Yes. This is happening. And you have Vivienne Westwood to thank.

($198, Vivienne Westwood, My-wardrobe.com)

Now I couldn't for a hot split second wear these without toppling over, but I love the Nike, Winged Goddess of Victory vibe. And if I COULD wear them, I'd probably just say fuck it and wear them with black sequined leggings. At that point, why not?

More of Fashionbinge's plastic shoe obsession.

What Are You Wearing New Year's, New Year's Eve?

If only I were wearing this Malene Birger LBD. Those aren't feathers. They're LEATHERS. Ya rly.

($381, Malene Birgin, Shoplesnouvelles.com)

Devastatingly handsome.

Issa? Why? No Really. Why?

($341, Issa, Forward-Forward.com)

Because a nautical flag is not a dress.

Demi Moore Freaks Out Over Mascara, Meanwhile Rachel Zoe Is A Fucking Walking Skeleton In A Wig

Look, Demi Moore seems like a really nice lady, and I will say that Rachel Zoe is talented with a dress and a pair of heels. But at what point do you look at yourself in the mirror and admit that you look like a skeleton in a wig? Because she does. She makes me wanna straight-up shove her head into a pizza and not let go until she's eaten at least four pieces. I don't care how long it takes. I'M OBESSSSSSSSSED with how ill she looks. And listen, I'm all about loving your body and body types, and all of that, but there's a difference between being naturally thin and sick. And I love fun beauty products and silly packaging as much as the next girl. But you don't die over awesome mascara. No seriously you die, like, from not eating food. (Also, mascara is not food.)

All I Want For Christmas Is This Marchesa Dress

But there's no way that this black and gold Marchesa work of art -- referred to more commonly as a "dress" -- will ever be mine because

a.) I don't even celebrate Christmas...

b.) Even when it was marked down from $4,830 to $1,449, that's still a no-go, and

Meanwhile,

c.) I was tardy to the party and it's sold out. Because it's from waaaay back in 2008, if you can even remember that far back to when your favorite fashion plate and mine, Miley Cyrus, wore it to the 2008 American Music Awards.

I guess I'll "let" Miley have this one... and pray she holds a big-ass garage sale or something. I'm not proud.

Why Aren't I Wearing This: Presh & Pretty Once Upon A Time Heart Dress

Okay, even though I LOVE embroidering stuff, for I am a grammaw, I often think embroidered clothing can be kinda lame on adults. HOWEVER, I am lifting my embroidery ban for this super presh Once Upon A Time blue dress with a little black heart and arrows stitched on.

($167, Once Upon A Time, Farfetch.com)

In kind of the same way that the Comme des Garçons Play heart is just a little cute, this little embroidered heart is sweet but not too sugary.

Is Chickdowntown Out Of Business?

My sources (uh... the Internet) point to YES.

According to a story posted on Pittsburghlive.com today, Chickdowntown.com was living on a $973,000 line of borrowed credit. Yikes. Chickdowntown.com's site is down, and the phone at the brick-and-mortar Pittsburgh store had been temporarily disconnected. Chickdowntown advertised in Harper's Bazaar and Vogue and had TV spots, which, you know, costs money.

Oddly the Chickdowntown Blog is still up and features some transparent posts (part of me feels bad reading it -- another indie boutique succumbs to the economy, but the other part of me is like HOW do you end up almost 1 million bucks over your head!!?!? Plus, the store's customer service record has been TERRIBLE.) Anyway, Founder Amy Reed jetted off to TWTRCON in DC this past October to represent "Real Time Brand," and though I don't know what's up with Chickdowntown as a brad, it very much sounds like Chickdowntown.com the site and e-commerce offerings went the way of Phi.

Woah. I Found The Ugliest Thing Ever On The Internet

Is it a backpack? Lady Gaga's metal and PVC placenta? Where's the head? I don't know. Not even that tag hanging off the bottom of it can identify it!

($1325, DSquared, Luisaviaroma.com)

Dear Preen Printed Dress: Why Do You Cost $1,195?

($1,195, Preen, BlueandCream.com)

Frowny fashion face. Pretty, pretty, pretty Preen dress. You're so out of my reach with your perfectly wide straps and fun layers and great graphic prints. Sigh. Here are some kinda-sorta black-and-white print dress lookalikes:

($484, Diane Von Furstenberg, Matchesfashion.com)

($78, Topshop)

(Apprx $60 USD, Missselfridge.com)

($250, Topshop.com)

Hayden-Harnett Blowout Sale On This Rager Of A Skirt

($76.25, Hayden-Harnett)

Oh, devil! Stop guiding my hand riiiiiiight to the Hayden-Harnett Secret Santa sale, where this BLUE RIBBON of a patchwork skirt is marked down from $305.00 to $76.25. When I sleep, I DREAM in Hayden-Harnett's pretty prints and colors.

Wedding Dresses For Under $1,000! Thanks, Sue Wong

I just discovered L.A. designer Sue Wong's fantastic gowns, created with gorgeous Jazz Era-beading, tons of tulle, whimsical whispers of feather, and gorgeous gems, jewels and embellishments. And you KNOW how I love an embellishment. (Taylor Swift, Pink, Anne Hathaway, Christina Ricci and lots more lovely ladies have all worn Sue Wong's designs.) Now, these dresses aren't specifically designed as wedding dresses, but hi! That's part of why they're under $1,000 each! You could buy and wear THREE Sue Wong dresses in one night for the price of one actual wedding dress.

Check out a few Sue Wong dresses I'd rawk down the aisle in a hot second:

($578, Sue Wong, LordandTaylor.com)

($658, Sue Wong, Bloomingdales.com)

($518, Sue Wong, Lordandtaylor.com)

($328, Sue Wong, Bloomingdales.com)


($508, Sue Wong, Bloomingdales.com)

This Is Really Happening Again: The Long Jersey Skirt

($138, Rachel Pally, Shopbop.com)

Really? This is really coming back? I mean, I like Rachel Pally, and also, there's nothing INHERENTLY wrong or bad about a long jersey skirt, except that it OFFENDS ALL OF MY SENSIBLE SENSES AND SENSIBILITIES! It's fine if you're Orthodox (I guess? Would Orthodox women wear this?), at the beach, or pregnant, but it's just such a meh look that takes me right back to the summer of 2003. I mean, I just cleaned out my closet and dropped some of these like a bad habit. Either wear shorts -- IF YOU MUST -- wear a CUTE SKIRT WITH SOME SEMBLANCE OF SHAPE, or suck it up and wear pants because you hate shorts like 98% of the rest of the female population. Long jersey skirts are like zzzzzz shapeless sacks and you should not be wearing one if you've graduated from college and/or are not on the beach and if you don't want people to think you're hiding other people under there. Also, do you really wanna look like a gypsy? No. That's all. Kbai

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like CARDIGAN WEATHER!

Actually, it's daaaayyyys past the beginning of cardigan weather, as I type this from inside my snow bunker in Brooklyn. Anyway, beyond sweet Marc By Marc Jacobs holiday cardi I wish I were wearing right now, in the BK snow bunker:

($260, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Net-a-porter.com)

Mittenberry! Free Your Thumbs And The Texts Will Follow

Guise. Ready for the cutest thing that's also functional? MITTENBERRY! They're a totally genius pairing of winter warmth AND THE POTENTIAL FOR THUMB FREEDOM. Seriously. They're mittens with removable thumb flaps... SO YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HANDS WARM AND TEXT! And not only can you remove the thumby flaps, but they actually stay down with the help of a cute little button. (Kinda like those olde-tymey PJs with the butt flap, except you don't need your butt to text.)

Mittenberry mittens are 100% wool and 100% cute. Get them at Mittenberry.com for $23.99 in snow white, light pink, or grey. And use "freeship" for, well... free shipping, obvz.

Sweet Zara Balenciaga-esque Heels

I'm not fully sure why Zara's dropping these fun chain-link sandals like right this second, but they're fun, limited-edition -- only 1,000 pairs made -- and at $229, they're basically Balenciaga for like a seventh of the price. Pick 'em up if you're in the neighborhood.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Harlequin Porn Convention...

($678, Interlude, eDressme.com)

I lived out an entire menstrual cycle's worth of emotions when I first looked at this hideous mess of a sequined mermaid dress. Eventually, I settled on "depression."

Justify My Love: Wanting. Needing This Sequin French Connection Dress

Current mood: Very strongly leaning toward this French Connection "Fast Sequins" Dress.

($288, French Connection)

And if you're bored by black, it comes in this rich-ass, royal blue:

Obviously you wear a sequined mini dress to a holiday party, and you don't even have to bring a gift, because you're like a walking Christmas present for others to enjoy. But you could also dress it down and go real hard in these chunky, harnessed motorcycle ankle boots by Aussie brand Maurie & Eve:

($288, Maurie & Eve, idontlikemondays.us)

Get them at idontlikemondays, or pick them up at the lovely little Soho boutique Babel Fair, which sources cute things from all over the world -- from designer dresses to cute little edible-looking erasers.

Win Frye Boots Courtesy Of Shopbop

It's Chanukkah and almost Christmas, Kwanzaa will soon be upon us, and who DOESN'T want to stop spending and start WINNING at the holidays and at life in general? The nice folks at Shopbop.com have given FashionBinge a $100 Shopbop.com instant gift card to give to ONE of you lucky hos.
You could win, oh, say a pair of Frye boots or whatevs else you want from Shopbop.com.

So, go to Shopbop.com, and tellll me what you'd get in the comments.

You have until December 23rd to enter. The LOLziest comment is also the winningest... Aaaaand GO!

Pros and (Faux) Cons

Okay, decision time.



PROS
$16.99 at Payless.
Cute classic look.
Neutral color.
Fur trim!

CONS
Not actual Chuck Taylors.
Faux suede might suck.
Probably not fully fur-lined.

DECISION
Pass. Not for me, but maybe for lovers of very skinny jeans and the teenaged out there?

I Guess I Do Want This Cushnie Et Ochs Marble Print Dress

(*$$2,162, Cushnie Et Ochs, Brownsfashion.com)

Wait... I didn't THINK I wanted a marble print dress -- it kinda looks like a crumped-up, stepped-on paper bag a little, no? But after seeing it on Leighton Meester, I think I maybe do, right?



*I left on that extra $ for extra expen$ive.

Ashish LUST + Sequined Boyfriend Blazers For A SONG

WHY aren't I wearing this one-shoulder NEON animal print Ashish dress RIGHT THIS MINUTE AS I BLOG THIS... instead of this 532-year-old polyester/rayon robe someone brought my mom back from China. That's not a racialist comment. It's just from China and it's made of really uncomfortable polyblend.

($895, Ashish, Net-a-porter.com)

Oh yeah. I guess I'm not wearing it because it's $895.

OhBTW, speaking of Ashish, I LOVE this Ashish black sequined boyfriend blazer (best friend blazer!), but it's $1020, and HI! The one I got at Fred Flare is $84. So I just saved you $936 (not including tax.) You're WELCOME.

L: $84, Fred Flare; R: $1020, Ashish

Fashion Facts I Slept On: Rebecca Minkoff At Bluefly!!!!

Shame shame SHAME on me for not knowing that Bluefly.com has MAD Rebecca Minkoff bags!!!

($170, Rebecca Minkoff, Bluefly.com)

You ought to be adding this black-and-blue Rebecca Minkoff Morning After Bag post HASTE!

($285, Rebecca Minkoff, Bluefly.com)

SAMESIES for this black embossed suede Morning After Bag. So soft I could rest my head upon it and use it as a pillow.

Someone SERIOUSLY Needs To Get These

I've been spending the past three or so hours looking for shoes for my wedding dress (gksafk;ssk;lfsdl!;jsa;dk;l). Four pairs later, hopefully one of those will be a winner. But on an unrelated note, I found these on Etsy, and SOMEONE out there needs to get them PRONTO!

($85, Vintage Donald Pliner, Etsy.com)

... RIGHT?

(Stuart Weitzman, Zappos.com)

And here are the shoes I hope work with my fucking dress.

Gift Alert: Tracey Tanner

Just ran across these fabulous leather accessories by Tracey Tanner, thanks to one of my favorite wedding blogs (I still read just a few, okay?), East Side Bride. Tracey Tanner's leather wristbands, in particular, are totally badass and would make great gifts. A few of my faves, which would also make great gifts FOR ME, should you happen to be in the market for same:

Sparkle triple-wrap band, $45.

Space stud band, $35.


Mono square double-wrap band, $45.


Bar wristband, $35. You can get up to five rows of studs!


Scale wristband, $85.


Fin wristband, $45.

There are also small, medium, and large bags, wallets, pouches, etc.

Go get 'em!

Studs Not Duds!

This is going out to my co-blogging buddy, stud lover extraordinaire Tamarama....



Studs stretch tank dress, $58.

Need Supply rules, by the way. They even have models with slight stomach pooches!



Hooray, reality!

Looks Like a Blazer, Feels Like a Cardigan!

Now that's my kind of blazer!



Silence & Noise sequined cardigan, $42.

Also...BREAKING:



Free People sequined blazer, $168, for when you just want to spend a little more.