Max Kibardin's Denim & Swarovski Crystal-Studded Heels Are $2194... And Probably Worth It

$2194, Max Kibarin, Luisaviaroma.com

I am not in the habit of spending $2194 on a single pair of shoes. But I could start to get into that habit for a pair of Bruno Magli creative director Max Kibardin's denim and Swarovski crystal-studded heels. Any heels that feel like 1980s Madonna reincarnated as footwear is pretty much guaranteed to be something I'd wear. Seriously. As a rule, I like to ask myself "Do these shoes look like 'Desperately Seeking Susan' in the form of a stiletto"? If yes, then I'm wearing them.

And now, please enjoy this highly intriguing, highly nude photo of Kate Moss wearing nothing but a pair of guitar stilettos (they actually work) created by Max Kibardin and Chicks On Speed... and her personality.

Manish Arora: The Obsession Grows

Manish Arora's super psychedelic, kaleidoscopic, Bollywood-takes-a-head-trip prints (he's not called the Galliano of India for nothing) are yet another reason I need to start recycling cans for coins or something, so I can save up and splurge.

($188, Manish Arora, Thecorner.com)

($176, Manish Arora, Luisaviaroma.com)

I mean, COME ON. THIS SHIRT IS CALLED "FLAMING DISCO BALL." That's exactly almost what my parents used as my middle name, but it didn't fit on my birth certificate.

Designer Vs. Discount: Black Lace Top

($827, Markus Lupfer, Luisaviaroma.com)

See, this Markus Lupfer black lace top with an ooh-ahh inducing exposed zipper is an ooh-ahh-inducing $827! BOO!

Meanwhile, this BB Dakota black lace top...

($70, BB Dakota, Piperlime.com)

... JUST $70! YAY! You save $757! BOOM!

Um, Seriously? What Happened Here?

($585, Maurizio Pecoraro, Luisaviaroma.com)

WTF is this macrame cage bag thingie?? It looks like a lab dissection gone wrong meets an arts and crafts project gone wronger. And is that an abstract vagina down the middle there?

I Am Just $429.30 Away From My Dream Nude Ankle Boots!

($429.30, Gianna Meliani, Luisaviaroma.com)

Gianna Meliani OBVIOUSLY stole these nude mesh ankle boots out of my dreams! Return them to me!

Hobo Shoes! Now Just $2115

Got $2115? These hobo-looking shoes look like they walked out of a cliched hobo cartoon. Is this some kind of reverse classism? Busted-looking hobo shoes that 15,000 hobos and a rich dude couldn't even afford? Gross. And they don't even come with a stick and a bandana? Really, Seth?

($2115, Augusta, Luisaviaroma.com)

Oh, and they're not available until March. Perhaps because they're busy perfecting them. If you can't wait that long, check out these hobo shoes!

They're a cool $8.99.

Woah. I Found The Ugliest Thing Ever On The Internet

Is it a backpack? Lady Gaga's metal and PVC placenta? Where's the head? I don't know. Not even that tag hanging off the bottom of it can identify it!

($1325, DSquared, Luisaviaroma.com)

Five Of The Ugliest Shoes I've Seen In Ages

Horbs shoes, in no particular order. Because does ugly really need an order?

($720, Dolce & Gabbana, Luisaviaroma.com)

Sure The Elton John Museum is aware of the recent robbery that took place there...

($1324, Christian Louboutin, Luisaviaroma.com)

Nope. Sorry. You either get to be a boat shoe OR a stiletto, but not both. (Sorry, Fergie.)

($1306, Valentino, Luisaviaroma.com)

It's bad enough that Bea Arthur recently passed away. Did Valentino really have to DEFACE the Golden Girls' beloved couch on top of it?

($595, Pucci, Net-a-porter.com)

These could actually be cute if... no wait. They could never be cute.

($41, Costumes4less.com)

Six and a half inches of faux wood and weep.