American Apparel Basically Stole Naked Porn Towels From Me!

Um, clearly Dov Charney and the kindly fellas over at the succinctly named Butt Magazine have been reading FashionBinge, because they CLEARLY stole my porn towel idea!

Okay, it wasn't my idea, but I do get credit for scouting these amazing towels, featuring a Unabomber/ Michael Jackson Goes To The White House dude in Aviators and half-unbuttoned cut-off jeans shorts! The difference? Mine were like $3 at Conway. Sure, they turned into a matted bunch of cottony pills when I washed them, but still! It was $3 well spent!

My Conway towels: $3

American Apparel's Butt Mag towels: $45!

Topshop Would Like To Sell You These Mom Shorts

I often enjoy Topshop, at least in theory, but I call bullshit on these shorts, which have all the trappings of Mom Shorts, which are the dysfunctional stepdaughter of Mom Jeans. High waist? Icky '90s light wash? BUSTED.

($55, Topshop)

Monday Mortses!

A few selects to start your week off right... by encouraging you to gouge your eyeballs out of their sockets!

(Apprx $163, Topshop)

I mean... that's just... a lot of patent. Red patent, no less. No really... there should be less of this.

(Apprx $132, Topshop)

Ooh! The Chewbacca look = HUGE for Fall 07. Honestly, the only thing worse than real fur is horrendously cheap-looking acrylic fur. Can you even fathom how ratty this thing would look at like 4AM Sunday morning after a smoky pub crawl? Classy!

($51, Lip Service, Sourpussclothing.com)
Speaking of classy...

($26, Asos.com)
Oh, Sienna. What have you done?

(Adidas)

Mmm. Nothing says "sexy" like tight elastic bands squeezing the most universally flattering part of every woman's thighs! Add in some cargo pockets to highlight the sausage-casing effect, and it doesn't really get much sexier than this, ladies!