($725, Nicole Miller, Nordstrom)Oh Nicole Miller Strapless Two Tone Silk Gown with Train from Nordstrom. I had remotely high hopes for you. You were a perfectly silvery/ not purply color when I unboxed you. I thought my visions of being an edgy, not-boring, modern-yet-subtly '80s bride were about to come true. Except... Except. There's often an except, no? This dress looked like it was thrown together in 14 seconds using old thread and some remnant fabric. The side seams looked stretched out and appeared to be almost bursting (um, before I tried it on, okay?), and there were threads hanging off of the band at the waist. The bodice seemed to lose shape as I took it out of the bag. Also, I ordered a size 10 and I couldn't even zip it up my back, which made almost no sense because while it was big in other places, and while I could definitely stand to drop a few, I have a tiny back (my band size is 34). (HOW was that size 10? And this was a street size 10, not bizarro bridal size.)
Anyway, it was too bad because the train started in a spot that made my ass look great. Too bad the OTHER 80% OF THE DRESS WAS A COMPLETELY DISASTROUS SHIT SHOW. Truly, it had the feel of a knock-off prom dress. The fabric felt like one of those vaguely ethnic pillowcases you buy at a street fair for like $12.
$725 would've been considered a STEAL for a wedding dress, but for ANY dress at ANY price, this was made like an absolute raggy piece of garbage. (Seriously, was this a pre-worn sample? A mock-up?)
Anyway, back to Nordstrom it goes. Next?