Monday, July 10, 2006

The Scourge of Crocs



Can someone please explain the popularity of the odious Crocs to me? Actually, someone has. Everyone, meet Carl, seen here accessorizing with a coconut:



Boyfriend has not worn anything but Crocs on his feet in my presence for at least three months, to the point that he has worn a hole in the bottle of his beloved pair, shown in close-up here:



This dubious choice of footwear is almost okay for a quirky, left-leaning ex-vegetarian with a somewhat incongruous taste for hardcore music, and at least he had the good sense to get the less offensive chocolate ones, unlike Mario Batali, who flames around in bright orange. But seriously, women are wearing these — rubber clogs! — out on the street, and not just the 50-year-old-female version of Carl, either (a specimen who is usually seen wearing, say, lime green crocs with a dizzying array of clashing shades of green: tote bag, vest, shorts, jean jacket, etc., in other words, FEAR). I saw a girl on the subway in a miniskirt and hot pink Crocs. What was she thinking? Is she trying to attract legally blind Mexican gardeners? Okay, that was a little over the line. But come on! I went out looking for a clock in the East Village and within minutes I spied these two fashion atrocities:





The Croc market has exploded so much that you can now get little plastic things to go in them, so that if you happen to love both the Green Bay Packers and Crocs, now you can combine those two loves. This is actually pretty fun, though obviously patently ridiculous as well:



It is kinda cool that the evil geniuses behind Crocs, two hippies in Boulder, Colorado, have turned their high-dea for a remarkably ugly shoe into such a phenomenon in just a few years. Apparently they are so in demand that the manufacturer can't make enough. Here's a shot of the selection available at the Super Runners Shop in Grand Central:



Even my mom is hip to these shoes, singing their praises after using them as shower shoes on a recent road trip. And boy do people looooove to talk about how "comfortable" these shoes are (as if that counts for anything). Carl cannot shut up about it, and if you go on the Crocs site, you will see fawning testimonials from diabetics, marathonners, frat boys, even brides (my eyes!). Actually, lots of wedding peeps incorporated these shits into their special day. And I bet they didn't even go with the only slightly less-horbz sandal version:



Now, I think you will all be able to tell from my rant here that I am firmly against Crocs and think they should all die a horrible, fiery, toxic death. However. I hate to admit this, but...



...I am kinda, almost, maybe, sorrrrrta feelin' the Croc boot as an alternative to the ubiquitous rubber rain boots, perhaps in a nice bright purple. Anyone care to second that emotion?

Oh, and if you need a clock in the East Village, and fast, it's Galleria J. Antonio all the way.

16 comments:

I'm Schnappi, The Little Crocodile said...

Oh, so this is not just a Midwestern thing, huh? Good to know we aren't the biggest dorks in the world.

karen said...

i also find these shoes re-pre-hensible. i can't believe you spent that much time following around people wearing them so as to take their picture. awesome! my 10-year-old brother loves the color yellow and as a joke I tried to talk him into gettting a pair but even he could tell they're seriously ugly. crocs are so the new uggs.

Anonymous said...

thank you for coming out and saying this about these shoes. the brown ones look allright in your picture, but those neon ones have to go. what ever happened to flip flops? Sneakers? Ballet flats? Painted toenails?

Black Barbie Gives You This Stress Test said...
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Tamron Lohan said...

Crocs are so disdainful as to make me LONG for Uggs.

Mary-Kate Hopkinson said...

I don't think Crocs are actually sentient beings, therefore I believe you mean disTASTEful. As you were.

G. said...

More on the social scourge that is foam footwear:

http://milderweather.blogspot.com/2006/07/crocs-suck-saga-continues.html

G.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like doling out 30 bucks to strap day-glo sponges to one's feet, eh?

Further evidence that we are societal lemmings and that we will glom on to virtually anything that Average Joe Idiot deems to be "fashionable".

My advice? Do NOT wear these things! If you do, in 10 years, someone will unearth a picture of you wearing them, thus relegating you to a level of embarrassment not witnessed since your father was snapped wearing a leisure suit.

Anonymous said...

These are the most disgusting things I have ever seen. I have a friend that is a Director at Crocs and he even tells me that they are pieces of s*%t. He only hopes the fad last long enough for him to fully vest hist stock options. They are doing things right by securing all of the exclusive license with companies to ID brand loyalty. I actually go out of my way to ridicule anyone that I see wearing these things out in public and anyone who gives me crap about how they are great for washing the car or working in the garden...arghhh. I have a pair of nice rubber spa slippers that work just as well and they fit better. If you see someone in public wearing Crocs just stop, point, and laugh at them.....

Katherine said...
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Anonymous said...

call me back water. when i first saw croc sandals on a street, i thought this things look soooo ugly. then at the beginning of this year i went to Phi Phi island, thailand. there was an explosion of 'these things'! just about everyone who was not Thai, was wearing them!!!! almost all the stalls on Phi Phi were selling them too(demand-supply). yes yes it still didn't dawn on me that it was in fashion. until one day in london, we went out shopping and i saw crocs in department store. i made a joke that the ugly beach shoes had made it here too and went to look how much there were selling for. then i found out the shocking truth that it cost 30pounds a pair(for that hideous sandals!!!!)

however i have to admit that i thought the purple crocs boot look good and very light on my just about 2 years old daughter.... didn't buy them though, too expensive for something that my daughter will outgrow in a year time

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Phentermine said...

Thank You! Very interesting article. Do you can write anything else about it?

doodoolicious said...

I detest crocs. I can't believe you even let your boyfriend wear them. I won't even be your friend if you own a pair. I let all my friends know, if you own a pair of crocs you must find a new friend.

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