Fashion Binge: Target Goes Bridal

I'm now convinced there's absolutely nothing Target can't do. It is my hope that someday, their offerings will be so comprehensive that pregnant women will even be able to give birth there. There should be a Target lending library. Target University. Even a Target dental clinic. Sure it's a little "I Heart Huckabees," but the difference is, that movie basically sucked, and Target basically does not.

Anyway, as you possibly know, as it isn't exactly BREAKING news, Targs now carries Isaac Mizrachi designed bridal gowns. Actually it's just Target.com, but let's not split hairs, eh? Anyway, the dresses are totally not bad whatsoever -- nearly identical to the stuff you'd find at David's Bridal and other chain bridal stores -- especially if you're into very classic styles. And I know: I've never been a bride, so yeah, it's probably easy for me to "say" that buying a dress at Target could be cool. And I KNOW that being one SOMETIMES causes otherwise reasonable women to start acting like brides of Frankenstein. And of course I'd like to think I wouldn't be a total 'Zilla. Because it really is fucked up that women are told that we should spend on one day, about the same amount of money that we'd spend on ourselves in a year. If I WERE a bride, I think that looking a.) hot and b.) like I'm wearing something that represented my personality (see a.) would be more important than plunking down $5,000 on ONE dress that I'll wear (and, let's be reasonable... most likely spill wine on) for like five hours. I know women who've spent $99 on a dress from a bridal store in the mall, and they've looked OUTSTANDING. People are going to remember that you (hopefully) looked beautiful. Not that you spent what could part of a down payment on a home in some parts of the country on your dress.

Anyway, that's why I think it's great that Targs is selling bridal gowns. Sure, other people are going to own the same dress as you, but are you getting married THE SAME time, at the SAME place as that person? Probably not, unless you are a woman marrying another woman and you DELIBERATELY picked out the same dress, in which case, more power to you. I say, if the dress fits, wear it. Especially if it's about nine times less than your average wedding dress.

Observe:

($159, Target.com)
My fave.

($159, Target.com)
A bit too bland for my tastes, but a lovely dress regardless.

($89, Target.com)
This could be really nice for an evening wedding.

($49, Target.com)
Very cute too, but the reviews are negative. It's from the bridesmaids collection, which isn't bad but seems more like a bunch of dresses they just stuck a "bridesmaids" label on. Whatevs.

($19, Target.com)
A surprisingly cute wedding shoe!

($29, Target.com)
This one's all about the heel. I hate those stumpy little square heels that seem to afflict so many bridal shoes.

($34, Target.com)
Nice. TRES Madonna circa the "Boy Toy" era... And you can dance...

($16, Target.com)
... For inspiration...

($16, Target.com)
... I'm waaaiiiting...

($39, Target.com)
I think I'm most fond of the fact that they have $40 sashes in seven different colors.

So, speaking of weddings, Disney also has a line of McDresses out. I hate to say it, because I absolutely LOATHE Disney, but the dresses truly aren't that bad. Probably because they got a pro to design them. If you didn't KNOW they were Disney, you probably wouldn't be auto-mortsed. Here are a few that actually aren't totally vomit-inducing. Oh yeah, and they're "inspired" by Disney pwetty pwetty pwincesses, so YOU! TOO! can be a pwetty pwincess, which is TOTALLY vomit-inducing.

The Jasmine..... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

The Snow White. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

But they can't all be Disney winners, as Go.com taught us.

The Cinderella. Ouch.

Disney already does a good enough job of pouring shite into the brains of young girls. It's really painful to think of women forking over thousands of dollars for the privilege of being Disney-branded bride. I really hope no one reading this felt/ feels compelled to do so. That said, if they made these in adult sizes I might rethink my stance.

And don't even get me started on the people who actually GET MARRIED at the Magic Kingdom. Something tells me they don't exactly look like this couple from the ad: