Saturday, July 26, 2008

Hot Flops = Hot Mess!

Ohhhhh b'gosh. Check out these "AMAZING NEW FLIP-FLOPS" called, disturbingly, "Hot Flops." Gah... Kind of a misnomer since yes, they're "flops," but no, they're not "hot." Though actually, they could definitely be considered "flops" the more I think about it.

Basically, someone took regular fucking flip-flops and glued some craft store dollhouse miniatures on them. WHOOOOPDIEDOO! Observe the traumatic, craptacular results in highlight form:
Oooh! The poker version! Gotta know when to fold 'em, folks!



Fashion FORE!



Seriously, someone was asleep at the wheel during the brainstorming sessions for these... if there WERE any brainstorming session. NOT ONLY is there a HUGE, TACKY clump of grapes (like the kind you'd see on a jug in some shitty tableau next to a statue of a jolly, stereotypically fat chef in a crappy Italian restaurant) on this otherwise innocent flip-flop, but somehow a dragonfly got roped into the situation AND -- look carefully -- you'll notice, a pineapple. That just makes me hate all pineapples now solely because of this one pineapple's involvement here. Oh yeah, you can also choose from FIVE OTHER fruit-themed "Hot Flops." You know -- if orange isn't your thing.



Like Chi-Chi's for your feet! A celebration of... crap!

These MIGHT be cute... if you're like 14 months old and not cognizant enough to realize what the fuck you're wearing.


Uhhhh????

Anyway, for additional torture, check out the poorly conceived subcategories of Hot Flops -- "Fruitflops," "Sportflops" and the especially disturbing "Coolhotflops." Again -- neither cool, nor hot. Weep. Morts Bagorts! :<

16 comments:

WendyB said...

Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

wow those are reallyy ugly..i dont think i or anyone i know would ever wear those..the flip flops i would wear are these really cute ones i just bought from shopgoldyn..the shoes on that site are nothing like those ugly things!

Noël said...

These are so hideous- And your writing cracks me up! OMG "These MIGHT be cute... if you're like 14 months old and not cognizant enough to realize what the fuck you're wearing." LOL

Sal said...

Tell us how you REALLY feel about Hot Flops, Tamron. C'mon. Don't hold back.

jozette said...

OMG hahahah. Hot flops. More like vomit flops. yikes. but i can totally see my ex mother in law sportin one of those jammie jams at the casino or something. you should have to either be over the age of 65 or own at least one christmas themed sweatshirt to purchase these.

christine said...

ooooh those grape ones are so bad. can you imagine the moms who think these are so cute and innovative, they just HAVE to pair them with their khaki capris and dragonfly-print button up.

Amber said...

Ugh, Tamron! I wouldn't wear those to a pig's BRIS. Those are way hid. PS "a celebration of crap" just made my day. I secretly miss Chi Chi's, though. They closed the one in my hometown and it plum hasn't been the same since.

tuntra said...

more like hot mess than hot flops >_>

tukatech said...

its hot,,,,

eye4style said...

These are officially one of the most horrid things I've ever seen in my life...

Thong Pansy said...

OMG!!! I can't believe ALL the negativity against the cutest pair of fruity thongs to come out n foreva!(Yes I still can them thongs!)I received my Hot Flops (Thongs) last week & immediately fell n LUV! I got the fruity grape thongs pictured above but n fushia! The moment I slipped the soft thong straps betwixt my toes & watched n the mirror as the bunches of grapes on the thung straps bounced around I was N HEAVEN!!! The bumble bee & dragon fly just add to the festiveness of these delightful thongs! Although it's cold here I just HAD to go "out" & show off my new thongs...soz I went to the market...WOW did I get much attention (Bet they were jealous of my cute thongs!) OH WELL! Seems I'm alone here, guess it takes a guy to appreciate cute ftuity thongs!!!

Thong Pansy said...

OK! I've found a pair of Hot Flops that I find revolting...the presidential flops R DISGUSTING! (I won't call them thongs cause these REALLY R FLOPS!)

Jessica w/cute shoes! said...

You are crazy, I owe two pair and LOVE THEM, P.S. so does everyone who sees me in them, they always ask where I bought them, because they want a pair.

Anonymous said...

SO CUTE! I just bought a bunch everyone loves them!

Anonymous said...

If you don't like them, don't buy them. I can't stand haters. Get a life and go buy some other flip flops then. WOW, some people are so effed in the head. Do y'all really think y'alls comments are going to stop people from buying them. I'm sure no one gives a crap what you haters think. Ha Ha ....so sad.

Mary said...

I saw the tennis hot flops at a tournament last week. The woman wearing them was very popular --- everyone just had to know where she got them! Too cute!

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