Pangea Organics' Japanese Machta Tea With Acai and Gogi Berry Is A Magic Eraser For Your Face

Real talk: After a few glasses of Pinot Grigio this past Saturday night (MAN, do I sound like a Real Housewives cast member in training -- Quick! Someone make me rich so I can make that nightmare of a dream a reality. Look at Bethenney! She's doing great!), my face looked and felt like one of those bumpy piles of joke barf. Not a good look.

I have stacks on stacks on stacks of mask samples to try, and I decided to try Pangea Organics' Japanese Machta Tea With Acai and Gogi Berry Mask. Phew! That's a mouthful, but it's penance for the mouthfuls of wine I chugged (at the peerless Seersucker Brooklyn, one of my favorite restaurants in Brooklyn, if you'll allow the tangent).

Anyway, the mask smells like a mix between the paint section of a hardware store and a very expensive spa, two harmonious qualities I insist upon in a mask. It's got a sod-like consistency (I'd post a photo of myself wearing the mask, but a.) I don't want any asshole who can't read assuming I'm in blackface, God forbid, and b.) I think you probably know what a mask looks like), and it immediately tingles, which I assume means it's working, but it was super gentle and not terrifyingly intense.

The mask contains very few chemicals, which is a selling point for me, anyway, since I refuse to get within a nautical mile of a chemical peel. And matcha, by the way, is fancy name for green tea, and Pangea is a Boulder-based upstart with an owner who looks kinda hot.

When I cleaned it all off, my skin looked completely evened out and refreshed, and all of that wine-y redness had magically disappeared, leaving me to hereby declare this mask a magic eraser. When I looked at my totally rejuvenated face in the mirror, I apologized to myself for party rocking, and then I purchased the full-size mask (apparently you can make your own mask at home, but, like, come on. No.), which is $40, which is coincidentally the price of that bottle of Pinot. Full circle.