Are These Crocs For Strippers?

$9.99, Crocs

Where have I been? Crocs have gotten downright scandalous! What happened to the green turtles-in-the-half-shell Crocs with the little Minnie Mouse doohicky snap-in stud things? You know -- footwear's way of saying "I give no fucks at all." 

Look at these metallic suede Crocs (which, please note, were $99 and are now just $9.99)! They're the color of sizzurp! It's like those yung Crocs went off to state college, skipped class, blazed mad blunts, discovered trap, popped some Molly and then made it rain honits. These are the "Rack City" of Crocs. The "Bandz A Make Her Dance." Crocs, you got downright freak nasty on me. I see you twerkin'. Go 'head. Get Paid.