This Eat Kale And Carry On Bag Is For Assholes

This "Eat Kale And Carry On" bag ACTUALLY EXISTS!

If you ever, I repeat, EVER see any person walking down the street carrying this horrendously sanctimonious "Eat Kale & Carry On" canvas (of course) tote bag (I spotted it in a store window I probably should've smashed on Smith Street in Cobble Hill), you have my express permission to mercy punch them. The hope is that they'll eventually fall off of their asshole, elitist pedestal and thank you for it. It's one thing to eat kale and/or to carry a canvas tote bag (although both separately and together, they each involve varying levels of self-aware shame and self-loathing if you're me). It's quite another to prance around like a fully formed assnozzle and smugly force your agenda on the innocent public.