Marc Jacobs Shoes: The Good, Bad & The Fugly

Seriously, why is Marc Jacobs stuff so schizophrenic? It's either gorgeous or atrocious.
First: I must say that I am enamored of these Marc Jacobs patent cone heel pumps:

($335, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

They're slightly less salmon-y in real life, and they're just overall perfect.

($325, Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

Perfection!

($198, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Pinkmascara.com)

These are amazing. And my size too!


... But how does that explain these atrocities?

($300, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

I hate criss-cross no matter what, but a criss-cross Mary Jane? So misguided.

($235, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

The biggest crime of all! Asymmetrical slingback? Metallic? Jeweled heel! FOR SHAME, MARC JACOBS!