($89, Victoria's Secret)When a 5" heel just isn't enough, run a yard and a half of the tackiest crushed velvet you can find -- OOH! BLUE! PerFECto! -- up your leg, install a stripper pole in your bedroom, and just call it a day.
($180, Ugg, Victoria's Secret)How do you improve upon the "perfection" of regular Uggs? Metalicize them. Then wrap them up in zigzagging ribbons like the world's worst gift! Voila! Tres Tomb Raider!
FabSugar scored the hooker-boot homerun! Sequins AND animal print AND metallics? Where do I sign up?