Sunday, April 06, 2008

Already, I Am Sick of Gladiator Sandals...

And it's barely even Spring!!! Seriously, unless you're actively involved in battling bears or guys who look like Russell Crowe, you do NOT need to encase you foot in a leather cage. Please. DON'T!

Some particularly egregious offenders:
($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Urban Outfitters)
If you're concerned that your cankle areas (for lack of a better term) are going to be chilly, MAYBE IT'S TOO COLD OUT FOR SANDALS! But you really truly do not get to do both.

($28, Urban Outfitters)
Dudes, fringe is not for shoes. Fringe is for jackets... no wait a second. Fringe is NOT FOR ANYONE outside of Branson (and I'm sure several of Branson's fine citizens don't even wear it). Don't ever wear fringe EVER. (One exception: you are Dolly Parton and/or 1967 Dennis Hopper.)

($57, Naughty Monkey,
Seriously? What the shit??

($79, Nine West)
We get it. The American economy is in the shitter, so we're supposed to buy bright things to make us forget. I love bright things, but that's no reason to let the sandal equivalent of Bill Cosby's Coogi sweater creep up your foot.

($125, Urban Outfitters)
As if someone sent a perfectly okay jazz shoe through a paper shredder.

You get the point. So now, some lovely warm-weather footwear alternatives to the scourge of gladiators:

($48, Urban Oufitters)
Not my all-time favorites, but definitely not bad at all. At least there's no covered heel or ankle nonsense.

($105, Dolce Vita,
Perfectly reasonable, sweetly (note: not barfily) trendy metallic peep-toe that says "I'm a grown-up, and I'm perfectly mature about keeping MOST of my foot consistently -- not schizophrenically covered."

($105, Sam Edelman, Bloomingdale's)
Love both of these. (Very similar, cheaper ones here, BTW.) Wedge-y but not towering, which is more than I can say for these:

Holy hell. Anyway, back to better spring shoes:

($175, Cole Haan, Bloomingdale's)
Rarely do I see white shoes I'd actually wear, but these are great (both versions!) all-purpose sping/ summer heeled sandals that completely do not suck or offend.

($365, Chie Mahara,
Sweet, sweet design. Sweet, sweet desire. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge found a happy home on your foot (minus the congestion and the jumpers.)

($375, Ralph Lauren, Bloomingdale's)
The price is a bit ridick for a bit of rope, and sure, they're a bit campy, but they're still fun in a WASPy sort of way. (And Ha'shem KNOWS I'm WASPY!) Though I'm not sure why you wouldn't just opt for Kinos -- Key West classics -- instead:


($41, Steve Madden)
It's not much, but it's right to the point and WORLDS better than the much-aligned flip-flop. HELP US HELP YOU!

** Also, Steve Madden promo code:
$10 off: SML963BF1E (Not sure if this is a one-hitter or what.)

Finally, if sandals aren't your thing (and I get that), I like these ridiculous (and ridiculously priced!) Nikes:
($79, Nike, Alloy)

Do I offend???
** Disclosure: This post contains a paid link.


Liberty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Liberty said...

What about fringing on flapper dresses? I have a vinatge one and I love to swish it about (in private not public generally...) or is that not technically fringing as such...?

JPinOH said...

How many plastic snakes had to be killed for those towering wedges? Ugh...the horror!

laura_s said...

is it weird that im madly in love with these?
i keep putting off from buying them bc im afraid ill be called medusa on the subway...delish has already told me they're fab but im still nervous about serpents on my feet.

Tamron Lohan said...

saw those too. at first i considered for a half second, but then i realized i'd been bitten and struck by the venom of over-tackiness. AVOID THE REGRET!

laura_s said...


The Jet Set Girls said...

Too funny! Great post. I worry about how I would ever keep all those straps up walking around the city all day!

Robin said...

I would totally wear the arts and craft project nine west gladiator sandals. Hate the rest of your hated shoes, though, so forgive me.

But not like I love those Chie's.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this shoe post!
I am not a fan of gladiator sandals either. However, I do like those $48 urban outfitters ones...

aficionada said...

shoes are my weakness! great blog & articles. ♥

Number 5 stupid name ... want to be Kevin or Dave! said...

I actually like the fringe-y sandals. But I also love my fringed Minnetonkas.

Henna said...

So glad I bought my gladiators last summer after searching high and low... atleast I won't have the same ones as anyone else!

Anonymous said...

i'm a wardrobe stylist in los angeles....i own the fringed sandals in brown & just ordered the white....they rock!

Pinky said...

Those are fabulous

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