Alloy Has The CUTEST Bags. I'm Being Completely Serious Here

You guys. I am being completely honest and open, and I'm like, baring a very vulnerable part of my soul here when I tell you that Alloy has some REALLY cute bags (like this studded orange bag). Yes, THAT Alloy. The one for 12-year-olds. I'm practically old enough to HAVE MY OWN 12-YEAR-OLD (okay, not really, but also kind of really), but that didn't stop me from purchasing this nautical striped bag:

$39.90, Alloy.com

Cheap! Sequin Tee-Shirt! PERFECTION!

($36.90, Alloy)

I've been searching fruitlessly for a sequined t-shirt or tank I could dress up with skinny jeans or wear under a blazer, but everything I found was a few hundred bucks... EXCEPT THIS ONE! It's just $36! Thanks, Alloy!

Also, since I'm here, should I get these bleached skinny jeans? Eh?

($36.90, Alloy)

Zac Posen, Marc Jacobs & Diane von Furstenberg eBay Steals!

I've started to poke around eBay a bit both for a potential wedding dress and for a bridesmaids dress for my bestie's wedding in April. And HOLY HELL are there some designer steals and deals out there, assuming they're not fake of course.

($336, Zac Posen, eBay)

This listing's just for the skirt. Still a great deal. I'm not always a huge fan of brocade, but this whole look is so crisp and timeless. Too bad it's not an entire whole dress though. How great would it look with those Tuleste Market necklaces?

($149, Diane von Furstenberg, eBay)

Also just so elegant. A look you really can't mess up... unless you wear it with sneakers or something.

($139, Marc By Marc Jacobs, eBay)

This Marc jacquard dress would look HORBS on me but possible adorbs on YOU?

($239, Marc Jacobs, eBay)

... As always, check feedback and return policies stuff before you get all click happy.

Or, go with the known entity:

($39.50, Alloy)

Another great necklace to go with those Tuleste Market necklaces.

($39.50, Alloy)

These Alloy dresses, combined with the fact that Alloy's got free shipping (well, they charge like $1.95) until December 7th -- NO MINIMUM -- make me so FREAKING excited I practically wanna jump out a window like Kristin Wiig's Sue:

Warm Up! Grey-Day Accessories! Plus: Fred Flare's New Store!

The weather went from pleasant to fucking February in like a week. Here are some warmy woolies and stuff in lovely neutral greys to stay warm in, kay?

($14, Lulu's)

Berets aren't usually my thing, but this one does a nice job of straddling that dangerous line between "oui oui hee hee!" and hackeysacking.

($20, Fred Flare)

The sweet pom pom makes me wanna do snow angels, and the wooden button keeps this grey-day hat from a.) flying off yo damn head and b.) being too cutesy-cute. ALSO, you can save save save on shipping with promo code "STORE CUTE." Why? Because FRED FLARE is opening their first-ever brick-and-mortar! FINALLY! Also, I wrote a lil story about it for Metromix New York! Read, believe, ACHIEVE! It's an interview with Chris and Keith (the brains behind Fred Flare), and two sweeter souls don't exist in this world, with the exception of my boyfriend and my cat. Wait... not my cat. He's a total jerkface. Anyway, you MUST go check out the store in Greenpoint and go spend your bucks on Jonas Brothers wayfarers and bags like this... oooh or this We Are the Superlative Conspiracy bag... or this bustier dress in black or red...

($22.50, Alloy)

Yeah, so I really love this grey scarf too.

($21.50, Victorianbird, Etsy)

Stripy fleecy sweatshirty scarf! Sing huzzah!

($9.99, Target)

I like how these heart gloves are like stop-light inspired. JUST THINK of how much funner driving would be if the lights were HEARTS instead of just circular-lights. Of course, then we'd probably just get sick of them and never notice. Ahhhh ennui.

($12, Lulu's)

Perfect winter socks for boots or bummin' around the house. I like to put on some super warmo socks WITH my slippers, for extra-warm crumb bum effect!

OH YEAH: coming soon -- a big-ass scarf post by a special guest poster!! Until then, control your parameters. 'Kay nighty nite!

Escape to Cuters Beach

I'm headed out on a starter vacay tomorrow -- I really should be packing and not playing around. And while I'm not going to the beach (nay, definitely not -- I'm off to sandy Kalamazoo... jealous?), here's my fantasy packing list of stuff I'd like to be bringing with me were I off to a weeklong trip to the beach and not getting up at 5 a.m. for a three-day trip to the Midwest:

($168, Letarte, Canyonbeachwear.com)

Such a suit. Letarte makes great suits. This safari bikini is supercute and not too overkill with the jungle theme.

($156, Letarte, Couturecandy.com)

Another cute Letarte. Reminds me of Shoshanna's bikinis.

($187, Serfontaine, WinkNYC.com)

These are sort of ridiculous, but they're so soft and comfy-looking and would be so cute with a beachy tank.

($30.50, Alloy)

So old-school they're almost great. Very Mary-Kate Olsen, according to Chicago JP. True!

($35, Alternative Apparel)

Buttery soft heather cropped pants, perfect for pulling on and lounging around after you've taken your post-beach shower. Also, I cannot say enough good things about Alternative Apparel -- their fit and feel are fantastic, and they're not headed by an evil, mustachioed porn-faced CEO! Yay!

($112, Peter Jensen, Gargyle)

More Southampton than South Padre.

($595, Loeffler Randall, ActiveEndeavors.com)

I'm not the type to wear heels with shorts and a bikini top, but if I wear, these would be the perfect pair for that sort of ridiculous posturing that really only happens in movies and magazines, I hope.

($75, Shopintuition.com)

Super cute beachy-prep bowling bag.

($68, Brooklyn Industries)

Not beachy per se, but super fun. Brooklyn Industries has gotten cuter! The first one reminds me of Paul's Boutique.

($70, Boost, Urban Outfitters)

Suuuuuuuper fun, suuuuuper summery cute headphones... to go in your beach bag.

($1.29, Biocare Labs)

The site is pure crap, but trust me -- this lip balm is the best. Doesn't do that gross thing where it makes you thirsty in the back of your throat. Okay -- time to pack my ACTUAL, real-life items. Nitey!

Already, I Am Sick of Gladiator Sandals...

And it's barely even Spring!!! Seriously, unless you're actively involved in battling bears or guys who look like Russell Crowe, you do NOT need to encase you foot in a leather cage. Please. DON'T!

Some particularly egregious offenders:

($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Urban Outfitters)

If you're concerned that your cankle areas (for lack of a better term) are going to be chilly, MAYBE IT'S TOO COLD OUT FOR SANDALS! But you really truly do not get to do both.

($28, Urban Outfitters)

Dudes, fringe is not for shoes. Fringe is for jackets... no wait a second. Fringe is NOT FOR ANYONE outside of Branson (and I'm sure several of Branson's fine citizens don't even wear it). Don't ever wear fringe EVER. (One exception: you are Dolly Parton and/or 1967 Dennis Hopper.)

($57, Naughty Monkey, Karmaloop.com)
Seriously? What the shit??

($79, Nine West)

We get it. The American economy is in the shitter, so we're supposed to buy bright things to make us forget. I love bright things, but that's no reason to let the sandal equivalent of Bill Cosby's Coogi sweater creep up your foot.

($125, Urban Outfitters)

As if someone sent a perfectly okay jazz shoe through a paper shredder.

You get the point. So now, some lovely warm-weather footwear alternatives to the scourge of gladiators:

($48, Urban Oufitters)

Not my all-time favorites, but definitely not bad at all. At least there's no covered heel or ankle nonsense.

($105, Dolce Vita, Piperlime.com)

Perfectly reasonable, sweetly (note: not barfily) trendy metallic peep-toe that says "I'm a grown-up, and I'm perfectly mature about keeping MOST of my foot consistently -- not schizophrenically covered."

($105, Sam Edelman, Bloomingdale's)

Love both of these. (Very similar, cheaper ones here, BTW.) Wedge-y but not towering, which is more than I can say for these:

($29.50, Alloy.com)

Holy hell. Anyway, back to better spring shoes:

($175, Cole Haan, Bloomingdale's)

Rarely do I see white shoes I'd actually wear, but these are great (both versions!) all-purpose sping/ summer heeled sandals that completely do not suck or offend.

($365, Chie Mahara, Sodafine.com)

Sweet, sweet design. Sweet, sweet desire. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge found a happy home on your foot (minus the congestion and the jumpers.)

($375, Ralph Lauren, Bloomingdale's)

The price is a bit ridick for a bit of rope, and sure, they're a bit campy, but they're still fun in a WASPy sort of way. (And Ha'shem KNOWS I'm WASPY!) Though I'm not sure why you wouldn't just opt for Kinos -- Key West classics -- instead:

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)


($41, Steve Madden)

It's not much, but it's right to the point and WORLDS better than the much-aligned flip-flop. HELP US HELP YOU!

** Also, Steve Madden promo code:
$10 off: SML963BF1E (Not sure if this is a one-hitter or what.)

Finally, if sandals aren't your thing (and I get that), I like these ridiculous (and ridiculously priced!) Nikes:

($79, Nike, Alloy)

Do I offend???

** Disclosure: This post contains a paid link.

Valentine's Day In The Bag

Ahoy, lovies. These three Valentine's bags are dedicated to my "love"-ly fwend, Mary-Kate Hopkinson.

($299, Helena De Natalio, ModCloth.com)

While it's not red or heart-related, this bag is very MK.

($29.50, Alloy)

Because bright patent bags are big right now, and blah blah blahz.

($125, Paul's Boutique, Asos.com)

Rrrrrookay. So this one's more for me...

And finally, a Valentine for you, my 'Bingies... my grandfather gave my grandmother this beautiful card for Valentine's Day in 1936: