Top Hats at Topshop?

Tyson Beckford in a tutu! Harlequin-style top hats at Topshop? I don't care if Topshop's selling them or Fred Astaire himself rises from the grave to force these upon you. They're just wrong. They remind me of the awful costumes I had to wear in crappy dance recitals growing up in Ohio in the early '80s. My poor parents had to spend so much money on that garbage, and my mom would spend HOURS shoving like a billion bobbypins into my head to get those dumb headpieces to stay on.

I couldn't find the one absolutely moneyshot -- me in a modified showgirl outfit, red satin, a silver sequin heart across the chest, red creonline skirt (natch), and a terrible red heart coming up and out of my head like a muted thought bubble of love. Ugh. Worst. Poor moms.

Anyway, I DID find this photo of me (right) and my sister (on the left), and I think you get the idea. And no, it wasn't taken in like, 1935. It was just scanned in in B&W.

Anyway, point is, dance costumey top hats = no. Still, I <3 Topshop, so I guess I'll allow this one mistake.