J. Crew's Sequin Skirt Is Gorgeous, But It's Also $695

J. Crew's gone mental for pencil skirts, and I'll join them on that holiday. Except for the price-prohibitive factor of their sublime sequin pencil skirt, which costs $695:

$695, J. Crew

If I'm to believe the accompanying copy -- and generally I do because why not? -- the sequins were applied by hand, which is no joke. But I'm also fairly confident that this skirt costs so much because the sequins are each individually affixed by Jenna Lyons' own hair. Now THAT'S what I call commitment.

HOLY SHIT. ANN TAYLOR HAS STEPPED IT THE EFF UP IN THE MOST REAL WAY

Yesterday I had THE MOST vile experience ATTEMPTING to browse wedding rings at Michael C. Fina -- they barely acknowledged my presence. Maybe they're not in the habit of... selling... fine jewelry? To people willing to pay good money for fine jewelry??? Seriously? I had to ASK the woman behind the counter for help. And I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE STORE. Ew. Sure, I was wearing fuchsia leather fingerless gloves, so she perhaps assumed I was a drug addict or a thief or something (wrong on both counts). In actually, I interested in what they had for sale. Sorry, but my father and my fiance's father were both in sales, and you never know who you're turning down or turning away. (In this case, A PERSON WITH A BLOG! Who's not afraid to share her shitty experience with the reading public! Three other friends told me they had same experience trying to shop there. Since when do you need to "TRY" to shop??) So turn away, I did. But not before I noticed they had like the TACKIEST crap for sale near the door -- Ed Hardy-esque flame-lick cuff links and stuff. EW. I headed over to the diamond district, which, sure, can be sharky, but people actually TOOK their time to talk to me like they gave a shit as I attempted to look for a piece of jewelry that symbolizes my love and committment to my partner. So thank you, diamond district dudes, for giving a shit. And fuck you, lady who works at Michael C Fina, for not giving a shit. Because I'm trying to buy my WEDDING rings, so yes, I do give a shit.

SOOOOOO, long story longer, after that, I stopped into Ann Taylor because they had sparkly things in the window. AND OH MY GOD. Ann Taylor has SEEEEEEEEEEEERIOUSLY stepped it ALL the way the fuck up and gone from Grandma to Grand-NAW! Like, such an epic makeover it's like when Sandy goes from boring to whoring at the end of Grease. Except obviously neither Sandy nor Ann Taylor is/ are whores.

Okay, check out ALL of the super cute things I found at Ann Taylor online that I would wear in a single solitary heartbeat.

($65, AnnTaylor.com)

WHO among us would NOT wear this amazement chunky statement necklace? NOT I! I can tell you that much.

($120, AnnTaylor.com)

Um, I'm sorry, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I can no longer separate rational needs from irrational wants when confronted with this metallic jacquard leopard-print skirt, Ann!

($85, AnnTaylor.com)

Lately all I can think about is Glee and sequiny things. Unsurprisingly. This sequined tank top is as perfect as Puck.

($175, AnnTaylor.com)

ANN! WTF! I LOVE this grey slouchy boot! Seriously!? Jamaican me CRAZY!

($175, AnnTaylor.com)

Ann! It's cool, not tryin' to put a rush on you. I just wanna let you know that I got a crush on you.

($100, AnnTaylor.com)

ANN! It's like you CREPT into my closet and KNEW I have the BEST orange suede vintage jacket that this would complement PERFECTLY! GAH! Ann, it's like you know me better than I know myself. You devil, you!

Hi! A whole Chanel-inspired outfit! Bar jacket and all! I ADORE YOU, ANN!

More Quick 'Mad Men'-Inspired Fashions: Michael Kors Pencil Skirt , Sexy Dolce Vita Heels, Plus-Sized 'Mad Men' Dresses Too!

For the few of you out there who AREN'T watching Mad Men, I KNOW I need to chill on all the late-50s, early-60s-inspired Mad Men fashions, but also, on the other hand, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? IT'S THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION! FOR REAL! I've been super sick, and the one redeeming thing about that has been that at least I've been able to catch up on all of the Mad Men I've missed.

Okay, lemme back up right quick, by the way.

If you haven't seen the show, here's what you need to do. It's what I did.
1.) Buy the Season 1 DVD, Netflix it, or borrow it from a friend.
2.) Download the first few eps on iTunes = WORTH it.
3.) Watch the rest of Season 2 on on-demand; in Brooklyn and parts of Manhattan, it's on "Entertainment on Demand," channel 1012.
4.) Watch all the video extras on AMCTV.com
5.) Feel your life INSTANTLY improving!!!!

Oh yeah, there's also a Mad Men marathon on AMC starting tomorrow (Thursday, Sept 25), but it's only the first eight episodes of Season 2.

And no, I DON'T work for AMC, but I kinda almost wish I did.

Okay, onto the fashions, in petites and plus sizes too!!

($89.50, MICHAEL Michael Kors)

Is there ANYTHING more Joan Holloway than a cheetah-print pencil skirt? I think not! Also, here's how to spend almost $900 more on an almost identical skirt by the same designer.

($89.99, Dolce Vita, Piperlime)

Super sexy. Love the the curl detail.

($89, OneStopPlus.com)

Super elegant, and the dark shades and high waist makes this super Mad Men. In sizes 14 - 26.

($69, OneStopPlus.com)

Love this pleated crepe dress. AND it comes in black, purple, blue, and red, all in sizes 14-26. Check Chadwick's for the exact same pleated crepe dress in sizes 4 -18.

($79, OneStopPlus.com)

All you need's a small little patent handbag hanging over your forearm, a pillbox hat, and a three-martini lunch, and you're good! (Same dress in smaller sizes here at Chadwick's.)

+ More obsessive Mad Men fashions!