These Unicorn Glitter Platform Stilettos Are The Best Unicorn Platform Stilettos I've Ever Seen, Personally

$59.99, Iron Fist, Modcloth.com

I've been sitting here trying to think of one compelling reason not to buy these Iron Fist unicorn-print platform glitter stilettos, but so far any viable reason not to own these has escaped me. How's that holiday song go? Oh yeah: "May your days be merry and bright, and may all your heels have a digital photo print of a unicorn and diamonds on them!" 

Rachel Roy's Suede Glitter Booties Are A Sickness

$475, Rachel Roy, NeimanMarcus.com

Is there a doctor in the house? Rachel Roy's forest green suede bootie with GLITTER heel almost deaded me. I need a doctor. Call me a doctor. HELP ME, Dre! Save, me, Shady!

Get More: Dr. Dre, I Need A Doctor, Music, More Music Videos

I'm Going Strapless In French Connection's Samara Party Dress. Watch Out, World.

I've got a wedding next month in Brooklyn, and the dress code is "Brooklyn formal." That means an olde-tymey mustache and suspenders. Just kidding. Anyway, I interpreted that to mean "dress like an extra from the movie 'Burlesque.'" And I'm certain I'll achieve that in this French Connection sequined "Samara" party dress I bought (in record time, mind you -- in and out of the store in about 11 minutes or something ridiculous).

$198.99, French Connection

I'm gonna employ the assistance of the spaghetti straps, a SERIOUS strapless bra, and the grace of the Lord. Also, hi, half off! Done.

Oh! Shoes!  

DKNY's Quinn Ankle Strap Heels Are Sex On Fire

$254, DNKY, My-Wardrobe.com

You. Guys. I CAN'T with DKNY's taupe and silver Quinn ankle strap heels. I simply cannot. I refuse. To accept how shit-hot modern they are. Totally sex on fire. And don't act like the inner red-cup, white-hat frat boy doesn't doesn't fucking secretly love Kings Of Leon.

Stuart Weitzman Does Platform Oxfords, Needle Heels For Fall/ Winter 2012

Stuart Weitzman is genetically incapable of disappointing me, but the man truly truly outdid himself with his Fall/ Winter 2012 collection. Here's what I fell in love with at the preview, and I'll save the best for first:

LOOK at this purple-to-teal gradiating iridescent, crystal-heeled carpet stunner. It's the human-sized manifestation of every Barbie shoe I ever wished were real.

Needle heel. NEEDLE, people. Lethal.

I know it's technically a platform wedge Chukka, but I'd like to think this brilliant Stuart Weitzman creation is a creeper on 'roids.

Be & D's Sneaker Pump: Looks Like A Pump, Feels Likes A Sneaker. Literally.

$135, Be&D, Beandd.com

Behold, Be&D Big City sneakers, a collaboration with Brooklyn artist Trong Gia Nguyen, literally look like a pump but feel like a sneaker. To anyone who ever wished heels felt more like sneakers or that their sneakers came with rubber soles, here's the tongue-in-cheek answer to your first world prayers, bitches.

Meet Nicholas Kirkwood At Saks

Wanna meet Nicholas Kirkwood and preview his Spring 2012 collection at Saks in New York City tomorrow? Why not? Sounds fun.

Details: Thursday. Feb. 9 from 6-7:30pm.

 

You can ask him to confirm if he had me in mind when he created these rickrack and glitter stilettos. (Because it seems obvious to me that he did.)

$825, Nicholas Kirwood, Modaoperandi.com

Loeffler Randall Spring/ Summer 2012 Preview!

Rejoice, Loeffler Randall fans! And behold retro hues and tribal patterns in ultra-modern shapes (LOVE a curved heel, block heel on a platofand a complex Mary-Jane stiletto sandal.) Because it's February in New York, but it's gotta spring somewhere.

Loeffler Randall's Spring/ Summer 2012 collection launches online ehhh... basically now-ish. 

Max Kibardin's Denim & Swarovski Crystal-Studded Heels Are $2194... And Probably Worth It

$2194, Max Kibarin, Luisaviaroma.com

I am not in the habit of spending $2194 on a single pair of shoes. But I could start to get into that habit for a pair of Bruno Magli creative director Max Kibardin's denim and Swarovski crystal-studded heels. Any heels that feel like 1980s Madonna reincarnated as footwear is pretty much guaranteed to be something I'd wear. Seriously. As a rule, I like to ask myself "Do these shoes look like 'Desperately Seeking Susan' in the form of a stiletto"? If yes, then I'm wearing them.

And now, please enjoy this highly intriguing, highly nude photo of Kate Moss wearing nothing but a pair of guitar stilettos (they actually work) created by Max Kibardin and Chicks On Speed... and her personality.

2012: The Year Of Neon Green Heels

We're not even two days deep into 2012, but I can already foresee that neon green heels are going to be making repeated appearances on my feet this year. I've kinda got a sixth sense when it comes to neon.

$96.95, Jeffrey Campbell, Karmaloop.com

 I love the irony of the orthopedic shoe taken to sky-high, candy-coated extremes.

$69.99, Fergie, Famous Footwear

These Fergie heels are more Slimer green than fluorescent, and I really have no problem with that.

$1325, Christopher Kane, Saks

Guh. Gutted. #dead at these Christopher Kane patent leather retro slingbacks.

$581, Joanne Stoker. Notjustalabel.com

Even #deader at these see-through citrus heels by British designer Joanne Stoker.

Charles Jourdan Taupe Heels From Ideeli: All I Want For The First Day Of Chanukkah

Y'all, HURRY THE EFF UP. Chanukkah's just five days away, and there are EIGHT DAYS of it. Fortunately, I've compiled a list of the MANY many things I'd like to help you shop for me. Because I am just so thoughtful!

$79.99, Charles Jourdan, Ideeli.com

The first thing I'd like for Chanukkah are these EXCELLENT Charles Jourdan perforated taupe heels. They're from the chill bros at Ideeli, who were nice enough to invite me to their holiday preview, where I was informed that they have EXCELLENT holiday gifts. Um, like these Charles Jourdan heels... FOR ME! Also, hi. This French Connection sequined jacket? It's just $79.99. GET IN AT THE GROUND LEVEL.

PS: Don't belong to Ideeli? Not belonging SUCKS! Sign up (and be my almost-IRL friend)! here.

Rebecca Minkoff Black Friday Sale + Enter To Win A MINI MAC

Rebecca Minkoff's having a Black Friday sale that doesn't even require you putting on pants. Which is great because mine don't fit anymore.

Friday, November 25 at 12am ET through Monday, November 28 at 11:59, free shipping for orders over $100.

Y'all, some of these bags and shoes are around half off. No joke.

After the jump, check out a few of my favorites from the Rebecca Minkoff Black Friday sale, and enter to win a Mini MAC:

Was $295, now $160, RebeccaMinkoff.com

Was $295, now $165, RebeccaMinkoff.com

Was $195, now $100, RebeccaMinkoff.com

Was $395, now $200, RebeccaMinkoff.com

Was $295, now $140, RebeccaMinkoff.com

Enter to win a Mini MAC. 30 people with excellent luck will win!

Enter by November 30. Winners will be randomly selected December 4.

Sergio Zelcer Peep-Toe Heels: Under Consideration

$136, Sergio Zelcer, OpenSky.com

Just when I swore off flash pop-up sites... I go and sign up for another one. #creatureofhabit

Most recently, I got ensnared by the shopping prospects of OpenSky.com, which has a bunch of celebs or whatever who apparently do the shopping for me. I really don't need celebs to shop for me. That's one thing we have in common. I may not have a sex tape (YET!), and I'm not frequently (or ever) photographed drinking Starbucks, but much like a celebrity, I'm pretty fucking good at shopping. But again, that didn't stop me from signing up for OpenSky, where I found myself contemplating purchasing these Sergio Zelcer nude (or, how about we refer to them as beige, since the entire world isn't Caucasian and therefore nude doesn't really apply) heels. The carved heel is kinda festive, and, just to rationalize a little here, I don't have any similar shoes in my shoe collection, which, admittedly, is so bloated that it's hard to justify purchasing another pair for the rest of my life. And I kinda like how the hot pink bottoms make them look just a smidge cheap. Sadly, my brain interprets that as a selling point.

Also, don't hate, but the celebrity "curator" of these heels is Kristin Cavallari, who knows a thing or two about shopping and coffee.

Stuart Weitzman Spring 2012 Preview

I stopped by the Stuart Weitzman spring 2012 preview last week, and, true to the core of most Stuart Weitzman collections, the walls were lined with trendy but never gauche designs; daring heights, and Louboutin/ Jimmy Choo-style stilettos at, well, Stuart Weitzman prices. Aspirational but still basically attainable. (I say that realizing that most of us, certainly myself included, are firmly entrenched within "the 99%.")

But... back to the pretty things. My favorites of the Stuart Weitzman spring 2012 line-up was the super-duper Deco patent part of the collection. If you can think of a more satisfying effect than a cool, after-dinner mint color paired with a metallic, by all means, the comments are open.

Lucite stiletto and plastic t-strap? Yes. Always.

Until spring, shop Stuart Weitzman at Saks or Nordstrom.

State Of The Shoe-ion Address... Or: WHY I HAVE FOUR TOTALLY DISSIMILAR BUT TOTALLY AFFORDABLE PAIRS OF SHOES ON MY LIVING ROOM FLOOR

You guys. I'm a simple woman with simple needs: quite simply, I need a LOT of shoes. Fortunately, I don't have expensive taste in shoes. They just have to be cute and possibly even a little absurd. As you can imagine, this has manifested itself in a problem that enjoys overwhelming volume but an alarming lack of consistency: since I rarely spend over $100 on a pair of shoes (a lot of my shoes are barely $50), I've amassed a huge shoe collection that makes about as much sense as your typical Lady Gaga video -- fun to look at it, but let's not kid ourselves. Like the "Born This Way" video, if you looked at my entire shoe collection, you'd leave like "well, that was kinda cool to look at for a few minutes but... I don't get it. Which is how I found myself in my living room tonight, surrounded by the four pairs of totally dissimilar shoes featured above.

Let's go from left to right.

1.) ASOS Superstar Tapestry Heels ($78.57): Dudes. These are FLORAL TAPESTRY heels with A GOLD STUDDED TOE. It's the mullet of shoes. Party in the toe... business in the back? Eh? Anyway, they're increds. Except I DO call bullshit since they were on sale when I bought them and now they're mysteriously not on sale. Ahhhh capitalism, you crazy scoundrel you!

2.) Jeffrey Campbell Downtown booties (no longer available): I bought these on a trip to Need Supply when I was visiting my sister in Richmond last year. Real quick: hat tip to Need Supply. They're like an indie Urban Outfitters, except they don't steal people's designs. Anyway, they were on sale for $49 from $130. That's called usin' your noodle. OH, and they're SO comfortable. I walked about a MILE out of my way lost en route to a VH1 taping yesterday, so I learned this the hard way. (The hard way that comes from not giving a shit about reading maps!) Seriously, these shoes are like crack. Or Pinkberry. Straight men fall out of their cubicles to ask me about them. My only regret is not buying the orange ones when I had the chance. Man, hindsight. She's such the little fucker!

3.) Matisse Nugent booties ($193) : The nice people who do Matisse's PR reached out and sent me these, and the second I opened the box and took in the holy sight that is their Nugent bootie, this was pretty much my reaction:




Like Cup Stacking Girl, I too achieved something great! SHOE NIRVANA (shirvana?) These booties aren't just ANIMAL print. They're DALMATIAN print. (Not real dalmatians, obviously! They're IMITATION DALMATIAN. From the NATION of faux DALMATIAN.) And they're so perfectly '70s Marc Bolan shaped, which is what I really want in a bootie, you know? Intensely, almost preternaturally perfect. These booties are the Ryan Gosling of footwear. Like HOW could anything be that perfect?

Jeffrey Campbell's Lita Heels: NOW TOTALLY SPIKED

$188, Jeffrey Campbell, FredFlare.com

Jeffrey Campbell Lita heels, now TOTALLY SPIKED. For her pleasure. In the words of that great poet, Kanye West, "That's right put in work, move your ass, go berserk."

When you're done ordering the cat tapestry Lita heels, pre-order the spiked heels at FredFlare.com.

And SPEAKING OF Fred Flare, CONGRATULATIONS to Fred Flare founders/ owners Keith and Chris, who just got married earlier this month. I profiled them in 2008, Fred Flare store first opened, and they're truly two of the most genuine, generous, hardworking individuals I've ever met. Their store -- and their all-things-cute-all-the-time mantra are so joyfully cheerful and refreshing. So go indie, and shop Fred Flare! These guys deserve your support.

Jeffrey Campbell's Cat Tapestry Lita Heels: THERE ARE NO WORDS!

$150, Jeffrey Campbell, Plumforpollyapparel.com

There are no words, and yet... there are SO many things to think and say about Jeffrey Campbell's Lita CAT TAPESTRY heel. And the first one begins with "meow." The next? "WHO WILL BUY ME THESE"???? It's as if, unbeknownst to me, someone from Team Jeffrey Campbell took a scan of my brain, saw that my thoughts primarily consist of shoes, cats, and kitschy things, and the resulting cat shoe was born. VOILA!

As my friend @sarahfromthewww said, they're totally KITTEN HEELS. Get it? 

Sick Glitter Heels For Just $73!

($73.18, Asos.com)

These glittery turquoise Maryjane stilettos are no Miu Miu glitter booties, but they're also not $900. Also, hat tip to the little peekaboo snakeskin print on the sole.

+ How to wear them: Colorblock with an orange or purple silky blouse, grey or black skinny jeans or a black maxi skirt.

Jeffrey Cambell's Lita Shag Heel Looks Like A Wookie

$119, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Oh Jeffrey Campbell. Where does reason stop and pure fuckery begin? Actually, I don't wanna know. Keep doing stuff like these Shag heels. They're the perfect shoe to wear with my Brian Lichtenberg terror skirt.

Also? You have a shoe named Meow? All is forgiven.

$109, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Yo, Anthropologie Has Some Seriously Cute Stuff Right Now

Usually I don't conduct too many dealings within Anthropologie. And by "dealings," I mean I don't usually wander in, try on a bunch of stuff, hem and haw and then leave. Usually that's because I find the price points to induce no small amount of pants-shitting (though I don't know why because Anthropolgie's prices are barely different than half the shit at Bloomingdale's and I don't get the howling fantods over their prices). The other reason is that sometimes Anthropologie feels a little too art teacher/ garden party/ lady in her late '30s to me. SO many cheery brights and not enough bitchy blacks. However, I wandered into the Chelsea Market Anthropologie tonight, and DUDES, there were some seriously cute pieces.

$39.95, Odille, Anthropologie

Trust me, this orange polka dot top is approximately 40% cuter in person.

$298, Marion Vidal, Anthropologie.com

It's rare that I see a horse necklace I love as much as my Pade Vavre horse necklace, which I wear so much it might as well be a tattoo. But this Marion Vidal horse necklace is a close runner-up.

$498, Marion Vidal, Anthropologie.com

A double-headed horse necklace that looks TOTALLY deco? GAME RECOGNIZE GAME.