Tiffany Blue, Dangerously Spiked Hellraiser Oxfords? Kay!

$165, Unif, Karmaloop.com

Everything about these turquoise Unif spiked Oxfords screams yes (and moderate pain) to me. As always, I will justify these with a resounding #YOLO.

Christian Louboutin's Roxane Handbags Will Hurt You Like In A Christian Grey Way

I like my handbags the opposite of the way I like everything else in my life: DANGEROUS. Which is why I'm answering the siren call of Christian Louboutin's hazardously spiked Roxane handbags. What good is a purse if it doesn't cause a little pain? Wait, WHAT's gotten into me? And am I really admitting to the blog-reading PUBLIC that I actually read the steaming turd that is "Fifty Shades Of Grey"? WHO AM I? WHY, GOD WHY? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I USED TO BE COOL AND DISCRIMINATING AND TOO GOOD FOR SHIT LIKE A REAL NEW YORKER!

Anyway, while I deal with my pedestrian tastes, let's get back to the bags -- at $2495, I'm actually in no danger of so much as even encountering one IRL. I'll just submissively admire from afar.

Sam Edelman's Spiked Renzo Booties Look Just The Right Amount Of Dangerous

$250, Sam Edelman, Bloomingdales.com

Sam Edelman's spiked Renzo booties -- the more put-together cousin of their spiked Lorissa heel, which I also love, are the realness. These spike accents are about as dangerous as this risk-adverse girl will get. (I don't even rid a bike, if that gives you any insight into my level of p---y-ness. Also, spikes are the new studs. ALSO, @Radbard, if you're reading this and wondering what to get me for my birthday, I'm a size 8. Smiley face!