Two Pairs Of Shoes By Which I Cannot Abide

I consider myself a fairly tolerant, accepting person. However there are a few things I cannot abide by. One of those things? These Cindy Says Keegan heels...

($142, Cindy Says, Endless.com)

I mean, they're platforms. Covered in pony hair. And feathers. And studs. And some kind of gem thing. They have whipstitching. And they lace up. And they have a fabric welt. The only thing they don't have is even the most remote shred of decency. And don't even get me started on the tan and orange version.


Hard to say which is more offensive. They both have their own separate list of bullet pointed atrocities.

Meanwhile, these Doc Martens for Opening Ceremony Darcie boots?...

($300, Doc Martens, Opening Ceremony)

True, I DO have the black version of these Darcie Docs. And I LOVE these gold flocked Docs. But while I do LOVE animal print, this is proof that animal print can be used for both good AND evil. There's just something '70s-in-the-bad-way about the print. It looks like a fabric batik wall hanging that my mom mounted on a hula hoop and hung on the wall of our basement rec room back in 1982. True story.

+ On a related note: Hello Kitty Doc Martens

Awful Versus Awesome

Okay. Today we're going to take a look at what is awful and what is awesome.

First...

AWFUL

($134, Ben Sherman, Solestruck.com)
Oy vey, Ben Sherman. A world of no. Awful indeed.


AWESOME

($109, Cindy Says, Nordstrom)
I love these Cindy Says flats in all of the colors they come in.


AWFUL

($69, Seychelles, Nordstrom)
Unless you are teaching a jazz dance class, these are totally vomitacious.


AWESOME

($108, Michael Kors, Nordstrom)
These Michael Kors "Gogo" ballet flats are lovely. At first I thought they were a bit too granny, but with a navy dress, they'd be parfait. Awesome indeed!


AWFUL

($93, Bari Jay, Nordstrom)
Suck City, USA


AWESOME

($49, Wishes Wishes Wishes, Macy's)
This is completely adorable and NOT awful.


AWFUL

($88, Kenneth Cole, Nordstrom)
Beyond awful.


AWESOME

($88, BCBG Girls, Nordstrom)
Awes.


AWFUL

($19, Aldo)
Absolutely NOT awesome.


AWESOME

($94, Dolce Vita, Nordstrom)
Terrifically awesome. And check 'em out in multicolors.


AWFUL

($69, Baby Phat, Macy's)
The stuff of nightmares.


AWESOME

($59, Baby Phat, Macy's)
Baby Phat, normally a brand I'd never be seen in public in due to its extreme ho factor, actually sorta redeems itself (especially after that skirt disaster) with this fun sundress.


AWFUL

($120, 7 For All Mankind, Amazon)
These make me want to cry.


AWESOME

($164, Diane von Furstenberg, Nordstrom)
Given the usual price of Diane von Furstenberg dresses, this Keane dress actually seems pretty reasonable. It's just as gorgeous in "Spring Shadows" too.


AWESOME

($65, Weston Wear, Nordstrom)
This LOOKS awesome, but it could prove AWFUL in real life. I'd just have to see.


AWFUL

(Apprx $26, eBay)
Undebatabley awful.


AWESOME

($79, Boutique Nordstrom)
I wuv.


AWFUL

(Apprx $20, eBay)
So awful they're almost awesome, if you're the kind of person who falls asleep praying that Pamela Anderson will hold a garage sale.


AWESOME

($88, Nina, Nordstrom)
Where were these two summers ago when I was searching fruitlessly for a pair of bronze heels to wear to a wedding?


AWFUL

($58, Lux, Urban Outfitters)
This top is listed as "Lux Chiffon Elastic Bottom Blosue." Can you spot the two things wrong with this description BESIDES the fact that the word "blouse" has been bastardized beyond almost all recognition? Um, "elastic" and "bottom"???? Sweet Christ. This top brings back horrible memories for me, specifically when I was in 7th grade in Florida and my favorite outfit consisted of a black chiffon button-down short sleeve top with white polka dots, which I wore with a tank top underneath (duh) and fucking NEON PINK UMBROS. Sigh. There are photos somewhere, if they haven't self destructed.


AWESOME

($19, Lux, Urban Outfitters)
That's more like it.


AWESOME

($89, INC, Macy's)
White clothing and I are always certain to encounter the nearest cup of coffee, spray of balsamic vinegar or splash of red wine, so while I couldn't wear this without chronicling everything I ate that day, I love this little jacket. I had to end on two awesomes, because seriously y'all, my head's still reeling from that fucking chiffon.