10 Patriotic Ways To Make 4th Of July Fashion Not Mad Cheesy

Look, I'm WAY Team America, totally glad I live here and have freedoms that while, YES could certainly use some work *COUGH COUGH UNIVERSAL HEALTH CASE AND FEDERALLY SANCTIONED GAY MARRIAGE COUUUUUUUUUUUUGH* are still pretty effing great. Trust me, there are worse places we could live in this world. I don't take that for granted. THAT SAID, I find red white and blue stuff kinda cheesy. It's one thing to see a child adorably dressed in a cotton ball beard and a 10-gallon hat with stars on it. It's another to see a full-grown, full-blown adult in an oversized flag tee and drawstring jersey shorts in red. There are so many ways to do patriotic fashion in a cute, unscreaming way. Here are ten of them!

$104, Motel, FredFlare.com

I love the idea of celebrating our nation's independence with stripes that AREN'T red, white, and/or blue and instead borrowing from the punk aesthetic of black and white stripes.

$25.99, Glamour Kills

A men's t-shirt that says "United States Of Awesome"? Cheesy? Yeah, sure. But so are bald eagles.

$85, Sperry, Delias.com

 True, florals aren't necessarily patriotic, but we have plenty of flowers here in America, right, so... why not?

$184, Corey Lynn Calter

If you are going to red, white and blue, this is totally the way to do it -- mismatched but totally complementary patterns. And isn't that JUST an apt metaphor for the American melting pot? Mismatched yet adorable? Awwww. See what I did there?

$290, Isabel Marant, Farfetch.com

Again, this black Isabel Marant Rika blouse with tiny little baby white embroidered stars is an amazing take on otherwise cheese-coated stars and stripes. See? Stars for cool grownups!

$140, Emily Elizabeth Jewelry

An olde-tymey star necklace on a grosgrain ribbon is kinda pretty perfect any day of the year. But you know... especially July 4th. And you can customize the ribbon color you want. I'm kinda into the beige. The Emily Elizabeth star ring is rull cute too.

$135, Milly, BergdorfGoodman.com

I love how '80s this navy and rhinestone knotted nautical Milly necklace is. I love with, say, a fitted black blazer, white tee and some cutoffs.

$34.99, Lands End Canvas

Lands End generously sent me a cotton top, and seriously their basics are incredibly comfortable, versatile and well-priced. I don't own this striped rope-belted dress, but I'd wear it in a red hot and blue minute.

$119, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Jeffrey Campbell is smoking crack. I mean that in the BEST way possible. It's like every week they roll out some new shoes that are five to seven times more batshit than the last ones. I wouldn't personally wear these Stars And Stripes El Carmen Maryjanes but only because I'd break an ankle. I own a pair of seashell-covered shoes, so tacky is clearly not an issue.

$14.95 for a pack of 3, Violent Lips

... And SPEAKING of tacky, these are Violent Lips, which are lip tattoos. I was sent a few packs, and, thinking they were some kind of sticker, I barely read the instructions and haphazardly slapped them on. I think enough all day at work. I'm kind of "off the clock" as thinking goes when I get home at 10 o'clock at night. The point is, had I taken four seconds to READ the instructions, I would've known that these are like REAL temporary tattoos, and not stickers. They REALLY stay on. For up to eight hours. That's business time. Anyway, I slapped them on totally incorrectly, failing to read the part about WAITING FIVE MINUTES FOR THEM TO DRY. So, they were like, half smeared on, half hanging off, and pulling them off my lips was like pulling a Band-Aid off my lips... if that Band-Aid were made of DUCT TAPE! YEEEOWCH. Total drama over here in Brooklyn. Anyway, after a vigorous scrubbing with my toothbrush and scrubbing with makeup remover, (and removing the sticky bits from my TEETH) everything over here is back to normal. So, if you KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING and do it right -- because basically, I did EVERYTHING wrong -- Violent Lips are SUPER cool. Especially if you have around eight hours to wear lip tats somewhere. I neither knew what I was doing nor did it right. But, hey. This is America. We're still learning.

God bless us, everyone!

Awesome Shit, Some On Sale

Two collections of gorgeous items. They're all lovely. They're just not all within my budget... Oh who am I kidding -- I can't stick to a budget.


STEAL IT

($865, Christian Louboutin, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Prettier than the prettiest princess in the pod. Sigh.

($578, Anna Sui, Madisonlosangeles.com)

Very cute. But maybe a little TOO early '60s??

($545, Thomas Wylde, Net-a-porter.com)

My favorite piece of the post.

($395, Michael Kors, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Nothing earth-shattering here, yet I just love it.

($350, Milly, Net-a-porter.com)

So elegant. So perfectly wintery. So want it.

($265, Jalda, Saks Fifth Avenue)
Luscious.

YOUR ACCOUNTANT LOVES YOU...

($496, Stella McCartney, Net-a-porter.com)

... Because you know a good deal when you see one. Plus, the layering practically means you get three tops for the price of one!

($339, Zac Posen, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Surely this is even cuter in person. And with some cute opaque tights and booties.

($312, Botkier, Ssense.com)

This is half beautiful, half looks like it came from within.

($258, DKNY)

If you can find a more versatile dress, lemme know.

($229, Ports 1961, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Gorgeous, eventhough this does sorta look like something you'd find at H&M.

($145, Mike & Chris, Rarechic.com)

Come and just TRY to tell me this dress isn't serious sexytime. And NOT just because this chick probably isn't wearing anything underneath. Ahh... just PERFECT for the office, no?

($97, Cass Guy, Rarechic.com)

How perfect would this look under a grey or navy cardigan?

($95, Plenty By Tracy Reese, Labelspree.com)

I know I've posted this before, but I rediscovered, and now it's even closer to cold weather time. Yay! Get it! (Whoops. My inner voice started typing).

($88, Dusty Of California, Bussstopshop.com)

Utterly adorable. I can't even deal with all of the what-to-wear-on-the-bottom options that this dress comes with.

($85, James Coviello, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Normally this sweater would NEVER be my thing, but it just has some sort of Natalie Portman je ne sais qoui. Although I'm fairly positive that simply wearing this sweater wouldn't magically give me an adorable pixie cut and perfectly placed mole. Though I didn't read "The Secret," and perhaps I should.

($75, Naughty Monkey, Redvelvetcouture.com)

This is a prime example of the type of thing I probably wouldn't dream of getting on my own, but then I'd stop by a friend's apartment on our way to go to the movies, and I'd just pop in to use her bathroom really quickly because it's on the way to the theater, and these would just be sitting on her living room floor next to the paper, and I'd see them and be like HOLY FUCK WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE? WHAT THE FUCK? THOSE ARE FUCKING AWESOME! And she'd blow it off because to her they're no big deal and totally her and we'd maybe be running late to the movie, but then all I'd be able to think about for like the next week would be those boots. And the movie would be totally ruined for me. That's how sick these boots are. At least to me.

($69, Dolce Vita, Shopbop.com)

Great, huh?

(Apprx $50 USD, Topshop.com)

These are so fun, but they'd be hard to wear without running the risk of some d-bag at work or something coming up to you and bein' like "So, you're bringin' the '80s back, eh, Material Girl?" or something completely lame like that, so it almost makes them not worth it...

(Apprx $30 USD, Topshop.com)

So you're probably best off going with something like this. Ugh. I hate d-bags.