Lanvin's Winged Eagle Necklace Deserves To Be Saluted

$1985, Lanvin, BergdorfGoodman.com

Lanvin's eagle necklace commands so much respect that you really ought to take your hat off, stand, and salute it. It's a necklace befitting R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly," which, I'm sure we can all agree, is the apotheosis of his career.

10 Patriotic Ways To Make 4th Of July Fashion Not Mad Cheesy

Look, I'm WAY Team America, totally glad I live here and have freedoms that while, YES could certainly use some work *COUGH COUGH UNIVERSAL HEALTH CASE AND FEDERALLY SANCTIONED GAY MARRIAGE COUUUUUUUUUUUUGH* are still pretty effing great. Trust me, there are worse places we could live in this world. I don't take that for granted. THAT SAID, I find red white and blue stuff kinda cheesy. It's one thing to see a child adorably dressed in a cotton ball beard and a 10-gallon hat with stars on it. It's another to see a full-grown, full-blown adult in an oversized flag tee and drawstring jersey shorts in red. There are so many ways to do patriotic fashion in a cute, unscreaming way. Here are ten of them!

$104, Motel, FredFlare.com

I love the idea of celebrating our nation's independence with stripes that AREN'T red, white, and/or blue and instead borrowing from the punk aesthetic of black and white stripes.

$25.99, Glamour Kills

A men's t-shirt that says "United States Of Awesome"? Cheesy? Yeah, sure. But so are bald eagles.

$85, Sperry, Delias.com

 True, florals aren't necessarily patriotic, but we have plenty of flowers here in America, right, so... why not?

$184, Corey Lynn Calter

If you are going to red, white and blue, this is totally the way to do it -- mismatched but totally complementary patterns. And isn't that JUST an apt metaphor for the American melting pot? Mismatched yet adorable? Awwww. See what I did there?

$290, Isabel Marant, Farfetch.com

Again, this black Isabel Marant Rika blouse with tiny little baby white embroidered stars is an amazing take on otherwise cheese-coated stars and stripes. See? Stars for cool grownups!

$140, Emily Elizabeth Jewelry

An olde-tymey star necklace on a grosgrain ribbon is kinda pretty perfect any day of the year. But you know... especially July 4th. And you can customize the ribbon color you want. I'm kinda into the beige. The Emily Elizabeth star ring is rull cute too.

$135, Milly, BergdorfGoodman.com

I love how '80s this navy and rhinestone knotted nautical Milly necklace is. I love with, say, a fitted black blazer, white tee and some cutoffs.

$34.99, Lands End Canvas

Lands End generously sent me a cotton top, and seriously their basics are incredibly comfortable, versatile and well-priced. I don't own this striped rope-belted dress, but I'd wear it in a red hot and blue minute.

$119, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Jeffrey Campbell is smoking crack. I mean that in the BEST way possible. It's like every week they roll out some new shoes that are five to seven times more batshit than the last ones. I wouldn't personally wear these Stars And Stripes El Carmen Maryjanes but only because I'd break an ankle. I own a pair of seashell-covered shoes, so tacky is clearly not an issue.

$14.95 for a pack of 3, Violent Lips

... And SPEAKING of tacky, these are Violent Lips, which are lip tattoos. I was sent a few packs, and, thinking they were some kind of sticker, I barely read the instructions and haphazardly slapped them on. I think enough all day at work. I'm kind of "off the clock" as thinking goes when I get home at 10 o'clock at night. The point is, had I taken four seconds to READ the instructions, I would've known that these are like REAL temporary tattoos, and not stickers. They REALLY stay on. For up to eight hours. That's business time. Anyway, I slapped them on totally incorrectly, failing to read the part about WAITING FIVE MINUTES FOR THEM TO DRY. So, they were like, half smeared on, half hanging off, and pulling them off my lips was like pulling a Band-Aid off my lips... if that Band-Aid were made of DUCT TAPE! YEEEOWCH. Total drama over here in Brooklyn. Anyway, after a vigorous scrubbing with my toothbrush and scrubbing with makeup remover, (and removing the sticky bits from my TEETH) everything over here is back to normal. So, if you KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING and do it right -- because basically, I did EVERYTHING wrong -- Violent Lips are SUPER cool. Especially if you have around eight hours to wear lip tats somewhere. I neither knew what I was doing nor did it right. But, hey. This is America. We're still learning.

God bless us, everyone!

Charmed By Venessa Arizaga

Today I shot more footage for Stephanie Caruso's short film, "Fashion. It's Fucking Fantastic," about fashion bloggers -- watch the trailer here. It's J'DORABLE, and I'm honored to be in it. For real.

Anyway, I borrowed a necklace from one of my favorite jewelry designers, Venessa Arizaga, who creates charming (hee) necklaces and bracelets and types of handmade pieces that become insta-favorites (like, horse necklace status). She was a designer for Tuleh and Carolina Herrera and, most recently, design director for Zac Posen (NBD!) and left last year to pursue jewelry full-time and run her surf shop, the Rock Co-Op, in Rockaway Beach.

Many of her pieces are inspired by travels, the beach, and beachy travels, which is why each piece feels like a little souvenir celebration.

I wore the Gold Mine necklace...

($395, Venessa Arizaga)

I also love this charm necklace, but I knew my Jewish mom would lose her shiz if she saw me wearing a necklace with a cross on it. And I just can't do that to my moms, you know?

($150, Venessa Arizaga)

Q: What's cuter than this pearl and skull necklace? A: Not much.

Demonstrating my need for a real digital camera.

Get Venessa Arizaga's charming charm necklaces at Opening Ceremony and here.

Ready? Aim? I'm About To Hit 'Buy' On This Olivia Harris Handbag

($545, Olivia Harris, Bergdorf Goodman)

I've long been on a quest for a real-deal, actual factual BIG-GIRL BAG. A nice carryall, preferably tall and dark, that will last. Forever. One that won't break down on me. One that can handle all of my needs. No more use 'em and lose 'em handbag relationships. This is the one serious handbag I will be COMMITTED to and stay with, day after day, season after season. An accessories marriage.

Like a total meet-cute, I was shopping at Bloomingdale's this weekend, and BAM! There she was, this beautiful beautiful Olivia Harris. Waiting for me. I got her number ($545 -- ugh). And tonight? I think I'm gonna stop thinking and start doing. I'm gonna put a ring on it.

Feathery Fashions!

For some reason, I can't stop searching for -- and admiring -- feathery dresses and fashions and stuff. Observe:

Dennis Basso

This would make such an amazing wedding dress.

Chado Ralph Rucci

I want to marry THIS DRESS.

($2,214, Fendi, Net-a-porter.com)

I wanna sleep with this dress.

($450, Jean Paul Gaultier, Bergdorf Goodman)

So ridiculous, but I'd wear the shit out of it.

... AND
+ Lotsa feather earrings for under $20!
+ Zac Posen feather dress I want to just touch someday...

Are we human, are we dancer, and are we ever going to stop wearing this jacket? Because, really, it's enough already.

Dresses: Shiny, Sparkly, Bold & Bright

A billion (okay, more like a dozen) drool-inducing sparkly, shiny, luxe and lush dresses for les holiday season!

($456, Nanette Lepore, Net-a-porter.com)

So deliciously late-70s. Glittery and glam yet still sexy and seductive without showing too-too much (yes, it's short, but this would look perfect with black tights.)

($925, See By Chloe, Net-a-porter.com)

Square sequins = manna from heaven. Though for nearly a grand, they better have been handsewn by elves.

($89, Asos.com)

I like this, but is it a little too obviously like "Hey! Look at me! I'm doing the jeweled dress trend!"?

($418, Petro Zillia, ShopPetroZillia.com)

Same thing? The paper bag waist might not be necessary, but it is helpful if you're hiding a fetus... or a food baby.

($300, Dallin Chase, Blaec.com)

Way chiller. And it looked adorbs on J.Lo:

($265, Karta, Net-a-porter.com)

A nice way to work the metallic trend without going too overboard. This piece still has a sorta folksy feel to it. Yay!

($660, Abaete, Bergdorf Goodman)

Or you could go TOTALLY overboard with this amazingly fun Abaete tank dress covered in paillettes. I know I would.

($795, Stella McCartney, Net-a-porter.com)

Also a beautiful holiday piece -- a healthy alternative to the I'm-not-wearing-a-dress-so-I'm-wearing-a-sparkly-top-and-black-pants look.

($348, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Bergdorf Goodman)

Perfect perfect perfect holiday dress. Love the contrast of the elegant eggplant and the more bright and festive sash. Yay!

($450, Abaete, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Absolutely stunning. Soooo Grecian goddess-chic. Though even a Grecian goddess might not be able to rock this very slim-lookin' number. Hm. Best left on the racks and to you rail-thin 55378008 chicks out there.

($587, Viktor & Rolf, Net-a-porter.com)

Oh mah stars. I freaking LOVE this. It's like Knots Landing goes to Colette. Want want want!

'80s DRAMA!

Wicker Is For Patio Furniture...

... Not your feet, okay? Same goes for rattan, jute, straw and raffia. Actually, ESPECIALLY for raffia. That shit is itchy and scratchy, and really, like cockroaches, do either really serve ANY purpose except to be annoying? Yet still, Stella (Ms. McCartney if yer nasty) insists upon basketweaving them into footwear, and the well-heeled set (or those who consider themselves so) drink it up with a straw.

Really? These??



($575, Stella McCartney, Barneys)
Hideous, unflattering, and may God help you should you go within 40 feet of a fired-up grill. And is there anything worse than witnessing a girl (usually overly fake tanned by about six or seven shades) in a dangerously short babydoll dress hobbling over a subway grate in 6-inch-high wicker walkers, desperately trying to maintain balance while avoiding a "Seven-Year Itch" moment? Seriously, one of the worst of all summer fashion cliches.



($575, Stella McCartney, Bergdorf Goodman)
Nope. Still terrible!



($495, VPL)
Is this someone's idea of a cruel joke?



($640, Fendi, Barneys)
They're not wicker or whatever, but close enough, as they ARE hateful. Glakdfjl;asdjfsl;aj!



($34, Connie, Shoes.com)
Avert your eyes!



($520, Fendi, Barneys)
Fendi's high-heel version of a five-car-pileup. It's as though the ankle strap is the freaking jaws of life, desperately attempting to free the helpless victim (in this case, your foot) from its captor (in this case, this God awful excuse for a shoe).



($615, Manolo Blahnik, Bergdorf Goodman)
What's that old adage about money not buying taste?



(Apprx $35 USD, Dorothy Perkins)
If you absolutely MUST, these aren't bad, though I'm rarely a huge fan of the T-bar.



($29, SM New York, Shop.com)
Finally, a pair of raffia shoes that don't make me want to gouge my eyes out. BTW, loks like SM New York is Steve Madden's lower-rent label. I always thought Steve Madden shoes were unreasonably priced, so yay for this.



($521, Hollywould, Ilovehollywould.com)
Apparently what we have here is one of the season's "it bags," though that's not saying much considering another "it bag" is an obnoxious send-off of a bag poor people keep their earthly belongs in. Anyway, what's so special about this clutch? Sure it's cute, especially if you're going to the Kentucky Derby, (which is SOOOOOOO two weeks ago), but you can find a straw clutch in any half-way decent vintage shop. And I'll hazard a guess that they're well below $500 bucks and that the above clutch ain't worth 5 Benjamins.



($225, Isabella Fiore, Bergdorf Goodman)
If you're still jonesing for an expensive straw clutch, this is pretty cute and half the price of Hollywould's. I like the white version too.



($108, Franchi, Zappos.com)
Much better.



($68, Mad Imports)
Juicy and delish colors, and no hideous ornamentation!!! THANK you!

I'm also feeling some of their other "all-natural" products that don't make me want to toss my recycling in the trash in protest of aesthetic bastardization:


($110, Mad Imports)



($98, Mad Imports)

K, bye!