Isabel Marant Is Coming To H&M! CAN'T BREATHE! NEED OXYGEN MASK!

Hanukkah Harry obviously stole a sneak peek at my wish list, because right up there at the top, right beneath "Mark Ruffalo pants off dance off" and "real talking cat (FINALLY)" is "affordable Isabel Marant, PUHLEEZE!" Dreams: realized because Isabel Marant is teaming up with H&M to release a 250-piece collection for us broke-ass chicks who don't wanna look broke-down. Isabel Marant for H&M drops November 14, 2013, AKA Hanukkah.

 

To Isabel Marant, Regarding Her Bayley Wedge Sneakers

Isabel Marant? STOP making your wedge sneakers so good, and I'll stop wanting them SO BAD.

$640, Isabel Marant, Net-a-Porter.com

Aldo's Bakker Fringe Platform Sneakers Are My Best Shoe Purchase Of Q2 (Plus: Sponsored Video)

(Note: This blog contains a sponsored video! Click it, or don't! I'm low-pressure over here!)

I hate to play favorites when it comes to shoes -- I love all of my children equally. But, really, every parent has a secret favorite, and Aldo's Bakker wedge platform sneakers are my own little golden child. Don't tell your sister though, okay? (This is SO "Prince Of Tides" dysfunctional! Also, any time I can make a "Prince Of Tides" reference when writing about fashion deserves a hair flip, don't you think?)

I know it's basically summer, but I recently bought these in brown, and I've worn the ish out of them. And they kinda feel like Isabael Marant wedge sneakers, but they're essentially what you'd pay in tax on a pair of those bad boys. And black boots are a year-round staple. (But then again, I don't wear flip-flops, and I generally consider shorts a crime against nature, so what do I know about seasonal dressing?)

($60, Aldo)

Furthermore, you have to admit that Aldo's Spring/Summer 2012 campaign, shot by Terry Richardson, featuring Anais Pouloit, is cheerfully "Teenage Dream"/ Betty & Veronica kitschy-cute with the heart sunglasses and the Popsicle. Matchy-matchy lipstick and Popsicles totally work, IMO. And, if you can pull off an all-white bathing suit, then God bless.

OH MAN, This Isabel Marant Knit Cotton Dress!

$635, Isabel Marant, Theoutnet.com

Like basic math, why I'm not wearing this Isabel Marant knit cotton dress is one of those things I'll just never understand. Sigh. Also, someone please produce two to three pairs of Isabel Marant sneakers in my closet. Kthxbai!

PS -- Sorry for the pause in posting! I was working like a starved mule, then I was in Austin interviewing A$AP Rocky and inhaling dust (actual dust, accidentally, not like angel dust). But now I'm back, PRAISE BE!

10 Patriotic Ways To Make 4th Of July Fashion Not Mad Cheesy

Look, I'm WAY Team America, totally glad I live here and have freedoms that while, YES could certainly use some work *COUGH COUGH UNIVERSAL HEALTH CASE AND FEDERALLY SANCTIONED GAY MARRIAGE COUUUUUUUUUUUUGH* are still pretty effing great. Trust me, there are worse places we could live in this world. I don't take that for granted. THAT SAID, I find red white and blue stuff kinda cheesy. It's one thing to see a child adorably dressed in a cotton ball beard and a 10-gallon hat with stars on it. It's another to see a full-grown, full-blown adult in an oversized flag tee and drawstring jersey shorts in red. There are so many ways to do patriotic fashion in a cute, unscreaming way. Here are ten of them!

$104, Motel, FredFlare.com

I love the idea of celebrating our nation's independence with stripes that AREN'T red, white, and/or blue and instead borrowing from the punk aesthetic of black and white stripes.

$25.99, Glamour Kills

A men's t-shirt that says "United States Of Awesome"? Cheesy? Yeah, sure. But so are bald eagles.

$85, Sperry, Delias.com

 True, florals aren't necessarily patriotic, but we have plenty of flowers here in America, right, so... why not?

$184, Corey Lynn Calter

If you are going to red, white and blue, this is totally the way to do it -- mismatched but totally complementary patterns. And isn't that JUST an apt metaphor for the American melting pot? Mismatched yet adorable? Awwww. See what I did there?

$290, Isabel Marant, Farfetch.com

Again, this black Isabel Marant Rika blouse with tiny little baby white embroidered stars is an amazing take on otherwise cheese-coated stars and stripes. See? Stars for cool grownups!

$140, Emily Elizabeth Jewelry

An olde-tymey star necklace on a grosgrain ribbon is kinda pretty perfect any day of the year. But you know... especially July 4th. And you can customize the ribbon color you want. I'm kinda into the beige. The Emily Elizabeth star ring is rull cute too.

$135, Milly, BergdorfGoodman.com

I love how '80s this navy and rhinestone knotted nautical Milly necklace is. I love with, say, a fitted black blazer, white tee and some cutoffs.

$34.99, Lands End Canvas

Lands End generously sent me a cotton top, and seriously their basics are incredibly comfortable, versatile and well-priced. I don't own this striped rope-belted dress, but I'd wear it in a red hot and blue minute.

$119, Jeffrey Campbell, Solestruck.com

Jeffrey Campbell is smoking crack. I mean that in the BEST way possible. It's like every week they roll out some new shoes that are five to seven times more batshit than the last ones. I wouldn't personally wear these Stars And Stripes El Carmen Maryjanes but only because I'd break an ankle. I own a pair of seashell-covered shoes, so tacky is clearly not an issue.

$14.95 for a pack of 3, Violent Lips

... And SPEAKING of tacky, these are Violent Lips, which are lip tattoos. I was sent a few packs, and, thinking they were some kind of sticker, I barely read the instructions and haphazardly slapped them on. I think enough all day at work. I'm kind of "off the clock" as thinking goes when I get home at 10 o'clock at night. The point is, had I taken four seconds to READ the instructions, I would've known that these are like REAL temporary tattoos, and not stickers. They REALLY stay on. For up to eight hours. That's business time. Anyway, I slapped them on totally incorrectly, failing to read the part about WAITING FIVE MINUTES FOR THEM TO DRY. So, they were like, half smeared on, half hanging off, and pulling them off my lips was like pulling a Band-Aid off my lips... if that Band-Aid were made of DUCT TAPE! YEEEOWCH. Total drama over here in Brooklyn. Anyway, after a vigorous scrubbing with my toothbrush and scrubbing with makeup remover, (and removing the sticky bits from my TEETH) everything over here is back to normal. So, if you KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING and do it right -- because basically, I did EVERYTHING wrong -- Violent Lips are SUPER cool. Especially if you have around eight hours to wear lip tats somewhere. I neither knew what I was doing nor did it right. But, hey. This is America. We're still learning.

God bless us, everyone!

Saks Sells Sweatshorts

No, that's not a tongue twister. It's just the truth.

($63.00, Gryphon, Saksfifthavenue.com)

And perhaps the most troubling thing about the existence of these Gryphon denim sweatshorts is I actually considered buying them. What? Don't laugh! My baggy, cuffed drawstring denim sweatpants are really working for me in a sort of Isabel Martant-ish way.

By the way, Saks is having a serious sale, and promo code "HOLIDAYS" = free shipping!