I'm Giving These 'In Living Color' Shirts Two Snaps And A Twist

This "In Living Color" shirt is calling my name. Actually, it's calling the name "Wanda."

Ebay

Ebay

May the best bidder with the biggest '90s bone and the burning-est desire to make it rain her tax refund win!

I Went To Austin And Left With This Avocet Ring (And A Hangover). Both Worth It

Hey fashion friends, cat lovers, compulsive shoppers. It's been a minute. Blog and blog people, I love you, but the truth is, I'm a good blogger but a shitty updater. Why? Because I'm in front of a screen pretty much from the minute I wake up to the second my head (and, let's be honest, my drool) hit the pillow. I need a small break from Interneting to put my face in things that matter -- food, yoga mat, cat bellies, husband's neck. So, it's not that I don't love blogging. I do. I just give no fucks about pageviews. Caring about pageviews on your personal blog is like caring about your weight. It's just a number. Why are you worrying about number when you could be... not worrying and eating instead? It's just that I love the sky and talking to people in person, and traveling, and not Instagramming stuff for a second and instead trying to commit things to memory instead of screens. I've written thousands of blog posts in my head that, oddly, didn't make it to the computer tubes. Maybe if I get one of those Google Glass thingies that scream "DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME PLEASE EVER BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE SEX BECAUSE I'M WEARING THESE COOL VIRTUAL GLASSES AND DON'T NEED SEX OR HUMAN CONTACT. I'M HAVING SEX IN MY MIND."

I digress, as I so often do.

I just got back from a week in Austin for SXSW. I'm sorry, body, for the fried things and nicotine and cider beer or whatever I put in you. I'm sorry. The ciders were free and I was feeling fuck-free.

I worked my ass off, but I had a little downtime which I spent shopping and strolling on South Congress Street, where, at the suggestion of the lovely ladies at Paige Denim (shout to them and the guys of Immaculate, who threw an excellent, definitely not Kosher dinner party), I stopped by Feathers Boutique, which is where this gorgeous Native American tribal head dress ring by Mexico City jeweler Avocet imprinted itself in my mind.

Stunning, right? I haven't worn silver in ages, but this ring, like 75% of jewelry I shouldn't be impulse-buying, did.

Other reasons you should check out Feathers, besides their jewelry selection -- including my girl Katie deGuzman's K/LLER jewelry -- they carry Alchemy tees, which have cool retro-luminati designs on tees softer than the little pinky/ white part of a kitten's ear.

I got this one in black and white:

Also spotted at Feathers: Mustard-colored Mickey and Minnie denim. 1994 me would've creamed my jeans for these.

Buy these? I did not. Missed connection.

Finally, in my South Congress rampage (I gave myself a one-hour break between work and work), I stopped into Prototype Vintage, which is IMPECCABLY organized, super clean and priced to move. Picked up two '80s vintage tees -- an all-over print Mickey shirt and these super '80s illustrated ladies on a Las Vegas souvenier shirt. I wish everything still looked like this.

They were both under $40 -- certainly not thrift store prices, but definitely not New York "vintage" prices, where used things cost more than new things.

On that work tip, I did some interviews for the mtvU Woodies. Jack Antonoff of Bleachers was particularly cool:

Here we are making emoji faces:

That's a Reiss "Springstreen" blouse (it's the most beautiful, breathable and unwrinkable thing in the world) and a Lionette Frida necklace if you give fucks about that sorta thing, and JC Ramos of Blo Austin did my hair, and he's a follicular genius and a total doll. I'm supremely into Jack's grown-up Suddenly Seymour style, by the way.

You need to listen to his song "I Wanna Get Better" RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and see him on tour by any means necessary.

Oh yeah, here's me, and, much more importantly, goddess queen superlatively superior human being Iggy Azalea serving Dolly Parton "9 to 5" realness.

 Finally: DOGS! Austin's got the BEST ONES!

THESE GUYS ARE AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION! Contact AustinPetsAlive.org

+ AUSTIN MUSTS:

SHOP
* Feathers Boutique:
1700 B South Congress Ave. and Milton
Austin, TX 78704
512-912-9779

* Prototype Vintage:
1700 1/2 South Congress Ave and Milton Street
Austin, Texas 78704
512-447-7686

* Uncommon Objects: BEST VINTAGE/ ANTIQUE SHOP IN THE WORLD, NO CONTEST.
512 S Congress Ave
Austin, Texas 78704
512-442-4000

HAIR GAME STRONG:
* JC Ramos/ Blo Dry Austin
1611 W 5th St, Ste 145
Austin, TX 78703
512-355-1256

EATS
* Uchiko
* East Side King
* Liberty Bar
* Lamberts Barbecue
* Houndstooth Coffee
* Flat Track Coffee

'Share A Beautiful Evening With Your Husband And Rock Hudson,' Said This Completely Clueless 1965 Movie Theater Ad!

Well, this is amazing and completely tone deaf. I was Googling dead malls of Cleveland, Ohio, where I grew up (as one does on a beautiful fall Sunday in Brooklyn -- no really, I have a very weird and oddly specific thing for abandoned, dead, and decaying malls -- I could read about them endlessly), and I came across this 1965 newspaper ad for the then-brand-new Severance center movie theater in Cleveland, Ohio. (I grew up going to this mall and its future movie iteration of the movie theater, where I saw "Parenthood," thank you very much.) 

Via Mike Rivest, Google Plus -- check out his incredible collection of vintage Cleveland movie ads.

Could you imagine a better night out for bored Northeast Ohio housewives in 1965 than a romantic evening on the town smoking a cigarette inside a movie theater (superb art in the hallway, BTWs), while pining away for Rock Hudson who was clearly busy lusting after Gina Lollobrigida! Obviously! Not that he'd ever have given you the time of day. You know -- because he was too busy lusting after Gina Lollobrigida, of course! Still, what a rich, opulent, smokey atmosphere for filmland enjoyment! What a fellow! And what a fellow your husband is, parking the car with ease, never being able to find it in the sea of 5,000 other cars! What a night! 

You Really Really Need Hologram Shoes

Hey gurl. Your feet are boring. Fix 'em. Hologram shoes. It's real. It's levels to this shit. To paraphrase Adam Duritz, "When I look down at my holographic shoes, I want to see me staring right back at me." Wait. Maybe it's actually "When I look at the television, I want to see me staring right back at me," but potato/ potahto. Fact remains: hologram shoes, some black tights and a black mini and chunky sweater or denim jacket over a vintage t-shirt hold SO much appeal to me this fall.

$218, Miista, Nastygal.com

Because I'm telling myself sandals are okay for fall. This is my idea of growing more accepting as I get older.

$59, Urban Outfitters

Brogue lyf, son.

$180, To Be Announced, Urban Outfitters

Inky, oily everything, please.

$98, vintage Stuart Weitzman, FeelingVaguelyVintage.etsy.com

These holographic snake print Stuart Weitzman chunky sneakers ACTUALLY HAPPENED! They happened in the '90s, and there's nothing you can do short of inventing and piloting a time machine to change it. Just accept it and consider maybe even embracing and then buying it. It's a process. It's levels to this shit. 

Finally, the last thing I'll say about hologram shoes is that I would TRULY be eternally grateful if one of you talented, budding young shoemakers (shoesmiths?) out there would design a holographic shoe WITH A JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS PRINT. Apparently someone on Etsy attempted a decoupage footwear tribute to Jem, but I need me some legit meta Jem and the Holograms hologram shoes. It's almost 2014! ios 7 exists! We can DO this!

Here's A Mildly Inappropriate Vintage Photo of Tony Danza!

Morning, ladies! Let's put fashion on pause for a sec and salute this vintage cheesecake photo of Tony Danza. I think we all know who the boss is, amirite? 

Fashion Flashback: 1980s Businesswoman Steeze

Thirty years after it was somehow okay to commute in your calf-length tweed business skirt and chunky Reeboks, I'll still never tire of the fashion cliche of the 1980s business woman. Look at these bitches, running game on that glass ceiling. 

This lady was such a bad-ass bawse that she wore a faux fur dalmatian carpet to work and was NEVER without her Texas Instruments calculator when out solidifying her bawse status in the oil fields. Also, hollar at those coverlines: "Balling out the men on your team" and "Where to incubate your nest egg." WOT?? I'd DEFINITELY be into checking out a scan of that story on microfiche or whatever. 

And the businesswoman on the left (who was probably an alcoholic based on the fact that she's drinking at work) wasn't afraid to wear Princess Leia's coverup in the office. Bad girls do it well. 

Also, do I even have to point out the irony of a man writing a best-selling guidebook to womenswear? LOL.

Anyway, take a cue from this woman, and raise a glass to these fearless females who wore shoulder pads and suffocated in control-top pantyhose so we could wear jeans to work!

You're welcome.

3 Super Sexist Vintage Coffee Ads

I've been on a vintage ad binge lately, and I've got some anecdotal evidence that demonstrates that coffee ads were SO effing sexist! While I could just assume that vintage coffee ads had a thing for sexism, the reality is pretty much ALL ads had a thing for sexism. But here are three horrifying coffee ads I came across that just boggle the mind.

The first is this RAGINGLY inappropriate Chase Sanborn coffee ad that put the fear of God -- and domestic violence -- in women lest their coffee sucks. Lady, you got one job: do EVERYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE. So don't fuck up ANYTHING. Especially the coffee. And you KNOW how Hal gets about his coffee.

 
This 1972 ad for Maxim coffee was also sexist but with notes of subordination and subservience as opposed to getting your ass beaten. Beyas, who cares what you think about roasted beans, as long as your husband likes his java.
Hey lady, guess what? I know you hang a lot of your self-worth on the quality of your coffee. It seems the well-being of your marriage balances precariously on a set of depressingly unrealistic and objectifying expectations. But, dude your husband fucking HATES your coffee, and he's gonna use that as a way to withhold both emotional intimacy and sex while at the same time comparing you to other women! Sorrles!


+ Enjoy about a billion more sexist coffee ads from back in the day.

Does This Hourglass Necklace Make My Ass Look Too Steampunk?

So, like, I guess I'm steampunk now? Since I think these little functional (meaning they're miniature but they actually work!) fin de siècle charm necklaces would be quite cute layered with a few chains? I kinda like brass mixed with slightly tarnished gold. Strappy monocle goggles optional!

($32, UniqueVintage.com)

Tiny hourglass, for keeping track of tiny intervals of time!

($36, UniqueVintage.com)

Tiny compass for when you're lost in tiny places.

($36, UniqueVintage.com)

Okay, these most miniature of mini binoculars probably don't work, but if they did, you could use them to see tiny little things!

You're Lookin' At The New Owner Of A Faux Leopard Print Minnie Mouse Coat

Now how one becomes the owner of a vintage faux leopard print coat with Minnie Mouses scattered happily across is no accident. No accident at all. It's fate.

Thursday morning I was waiting for the train here in Brooklyn. Then, like a freaking ORACLE, this woman walks by wearing this faux fur coat with MINNIE MOUSES printed all over it. I noticed the coat first, and I expected her to be a batshit baglady, but she was totally pulled together and looked RAD. She was probably late-40s, early 50s, and looked like the SHIT. Anyway, I was like, what is that? Jeremy Scott? Jean-Charles de Castelbajac or something? Asish? I paused my game of Word Mole (at which I RULE, by the way), and I snapped a photo of her. Idiotically, the flash and shutter sound effect were both on. Nice one, Tams. Anyway, she didn't notice, but some people around her did. I wheeled around and walked very quickly, in a way that surely called attention to myself and my failure to be covert in any way, and I headed toward the front of the train. (And finished my Word Mole game. And I thought. I thought about that coat).

Anyway, I Googled "animal print Mickey Mouse coat" later that day, and GUYS I'M NOT KIDDING! IT CAME UP ON ETSY!!!!! Not the exact same coat, but almost. It was reserved for someone, but it looked like that someone slept on it because it'd been on hold for almost a month. I emailed the owners, Tarantula Sisters (who have some amazing vintage, btw), who confirmed that the original reserver was no longer interested (SUCKER!), and they sold it to me for $100 (someone on this Ebay message board paid $500 for one back in the day). SAME. FREAKING. DAY, guys!


Anyway, will I look like a wackadoo bag lady in it? Probably. Or a '70s pimp from a Blacksploitation flim? Or worse -- someone from Williamsburg? I'm sure. But I DON'T CARE! This jacket was MEANT to be mine. This must be how those dudes on "Pawn Stars" feel when they open a cardboard box marked that says, like Brawny paper towels on the outside, and it's filled with some total treasure on the inside. And should I happen to see that woman from the train who led me to my own treasure I'll nod in thanks... and pretend not to notice if someone takes a camera phone photo of me from behind.

Hey, Do You Have $1,250?

Good! So you can buy me this vintage Chanel letter necklace from What Goes Around Comes Around?

($1,250, vintage Chanel, shopwgaca.com)

Lace Tees and Other Pretty Little Things

Why do I suddenly want a black lace T-shirt? Seriously, why? I have no clue what I'd wear it with. I'm not the Material Girl. Or even Rihanna. So why do I have this bizarre urge? I actually almost bought this today, and then came to my senses.*


Victoria's Secret scoop-neck lace tee, $19.99. I mean, what am I gonna wear that with? I have no idea. I think I got this bee in my bonnet after days of walking by my local American Apparel store, which I have privately (and now publicly!) vowed to boycott after years of being thoroughly disgusted with their ads. It hasn't really been tough to avoid stepping in there until recently...



...when I spied this cute lace top paired with a circle chambray skirt. American Apparel leaf flower lace tee, $38.

But: boycott. Instead: vintage!


Lace fringe scrimmage top, $28, from a cute new San Francisco–based vintage shop run by a couple of stylist/bloggers called American Apocalypse. I bought it: sorry kids!


Someone should definitely buy this Polka-dot two-piece, $100, though. It's not lace but it is RAD. Even radder if you chopped off the skirt.

*I did buy the following:


Square-neck top, $19.99.


Racerback snakeprint tank, $14.99.

Must. Stop. Shopping. And yet, on this fine summer Friday, I have set for myself a mission: hiking boots! Oh yes! We're going to Yosemite in August, and I need some appropriate footwear. Here's hoping I find something even mildly cute.

Cute New Brooklyn Store Alert! Black Bear Vintage & Handmade

Guys! Yay! Listen, listen! There's a brand-new vintage boutique that just opened in Windsor Terrace. (That's in Brooklyn.) It's called Black Bear, and it's adorable. Now I'm not just writing about it because it's my best friend's store (but it helps). I'm writing about it because it's awesome and it's worth going to Brooklyn for if you don't already live there. (And if you don't live in Brooklyn, you really should). And it's even right off the train! And there's an ice cream place next door! See how easy they make it for you?

Anyway, Black Bear is a brand-new vintage boutique that sells vintage clothes, shoes and accessories at prices that are totally fair and reasonable since someone has actually WORN said clothes before. In other words, it's a great vintage selection at prices that aren't Manhattan's idea of vintage. So most everything's around $20. (!!!)

To prove to you that I'm not making this up, here's what I bought last Sunday on the first day they opened (because I like to stay on top of my vintage):


I got these two tops, a cute little handmade soap (more on that in a second), and a vintage mood ring, and it all came to just under $40.

AND they have super cuters little handmade pillows made by Black Bear's co-owner, Julia. Pillows of dachshunds with cones on their necks! And pillows with centaurs on them. And more locally sourced handmade goods. Like sweet little soaps in the shape of GUINEA PIGS! They're scented (but not like guinea pigs)! Can you even? I'd go on but I'm like braying with excitement and I'm starting to embarrass myself. Oh yeah. And the store, which occupies what used to be an old liquor store, feels like the basement from "That '70s Show." In the good way. (In the no-Ashton-Kutcher way.) And, they buy vintage too! Again, making things easy for you.

Come for the great vintage selection, stay for the bear wearing a party hat in the window.

Black Bear is located at:
469 16th Street @ Prospect Park West
Brooklyn, NY, 11215

Phone: 718.768.0250

Tues - Sun: 11:00 am - 7:00 pm

Closed Monday

Black Bear on Facebook.

Seriously.

Why Aren't I Wearing: This Vintage Frank Usher Dress?

POWER DRESSING JACKPOT! The description of this bonkersly rad 1980s dress basically parallels everything I want my life to be. (I've bolded the most attractive parts to emphasize how much they relate to everything I love and strive for.)

(Apprx $240 USD, Frank Usher, Freudianslipvintage.com)

An incredible vintage 1980's Frank Usher beaded cocktail gown, with substantial shoulder pads. Literally dripping with beading, bold silver sequins and bugle beads are encrusted across the shoulders and cuffs, and in a zig zag band across the front and back bodice. The dress is in black silk chiffon, with a sheer panel across the top of the bodice. The remainder of the dress is sprinkled throughout with sparkling black bugle beads. An exceptional dress for the party season, and in a really wearable size!

The extent to which I'm considering buying this is troubling me.

+ SWEET 1980s Frank Usher top on eBay. Remember the name "Frank Usher" and save it your eBay searches AHORA.

The MOST Beautiful Vintage 1950s Wedding Dresses Evar.

If you dream of wearing a 1950s vintage Mad Men-inspired wedding dress (though hopefully you don't aspire to a marriage like Joan or Betty's) AND have a waist that's less than like 27 inches, check out these dream-worthy vintage wedding dresses from Etsy seller Fab Gabs, who even styles her seller's photos so it looks as if she's partying like it's 1959.

($395, William Cahill, Fabgabs.etsy.com)

This dress has FIVE -- count 'em, FIVE -- Mcdreamy layers of tulle. You could be riding a bike or wearing snow pants under there and no one would know. It's so gorgeous I can barely breathe. Bury me in it. But leave the back unzipped, because this bad boy's got a 25" waist. Talk about waiting to exhale. (Shooby!) And credit where it's due -- The Bridal Wishlist scouted this one out!

($225, Fabgabs.etsy.com)

SIX layers of tulle! FOR WHEN FIVE will not do! It's SO beautiful, and I love the sweetheart neckline, but with a 28" underbust: 28" and 24" waist, I'd have to get several ribs removed and drink all my meals through a straw. Ah, but what price fashion? (Side note: the woman who sold me my wedding dress told me that a girl she sold a dress to had to cancel her final fitting because she'd starved herself to the point that she fell over and cracked her head open and had to get about 40 stitches. AHH, admirable committment!)

($250, Fabgabs.etsy.com)

My absolute favorite for that super lacey post-modern dash of Madonna.

PS -- I know I'm probably tardy to the party, but did you see Christina Hendricks on/ in In Style Weddings? (That's my only other non-barfy bridal mag besides New York Magazine Weddings.)

TEAM JOAN! Girl, you could do sidebends and sit-ups, but PLEASE don't lose that butt!

Wanna Buy Cute Shoes?

Rmkay. I'm selling REALLY cute shoes on eBay to fund my Avon 3-Day Walk For Breast Cancer!

Here's a preview of the amazors shoes I'm selling on eBay:

Evan-Picone, resoled

Jeffrey Campbell

Calvin Klein

Vintage -- probably early '60s, resoled. Wore them to a wedding. Which isn't important, but they were worn to a happy event!

Never worn! FOR REAL!

Most are size 7.5 or 8. Hurry! Act now! Buy cute shoes for a good cause!

Wanna just donate because you don't care about shoes?
Do that here: http://walk.avonfoundation.org/goto/tamar

(But how do you not care about shoes?)