Let This Photo Of Blanche Devereaux Punching A Fisherman Be Your Guide

Hi, anyone who still reads FashionBinge or arrived here because you're a spambot! I swear I'll get back into blogging/ word-vomiting soon. Right now I'm face-deep in some books, travel (Minneapolis, Chicago, Gulf Shores Alabama for work) a container of Talenti (Banana Chocolate Swirl, specifically), an enormous work project, and weighing the pros and cons of getting Botox for sweat, because, EW, SUMMER. EW! Until then, enjoy this photo of Blanche Devereaux punching a fisherman in the 1989 "Golden Girls" episode entitled "Love Under the Big Top," in which Blanche and Rose stage a protest to save the dolphins.

Credit: Getty

Good Lorde, Lorde's MAC Lipstick Is A Plummy Wine Dream

Lorde is Queen, her hair rules supreme, and so it shall be that all sovereign lips should be anointed in her passionately plum "Pure Heroine" MAC lipstick when it drops June 5th at maccosmetic.com.

Futhermore: Flume's "Tennis Court" remix: Put this in your head NOW.

I'm Giving These 'In Living Color' Shirts Two Snaps And A Twist

This "In Living Color" shirt is calling my name. Actually, it's calling the name "Wanda."

Ebay

Ebay

May the best bidder with the biggest '90s bone and the burning-est desire to make it rain her tax refund win!

I Went To Austin And Left With This Avocet Ring (And A Hangover). Both Worth It

Hey fashion friends, cat lovers, compulsive shoppers. It's been a minute. Blog and blog people, I love you, but the truth is, I'm a good blogger but a shitty updater. Why? Because I'm in front of a screen pretty much from the minute I wake up to the second my head (and, let's be honest, my drool) hit the pillow. I need a small break from Interneting to put my face in things that matter -- food, yoga mat, cat bellies, husband's neck. So, it's not that I don't love blogging. I do. I just give no fucks about pageviews. Caring about pageviews on your personal blog is like caring about your weight. It's just a number. Why are you worrying about number when you could be... not worrying and eating instead? It's just that I love the sky and talking to people in person, and traveling, and not Instagramming stuff for a second and instead trying to commit things to memory instead of screens. I've written thousands of blog posts in my head that, oddly, didn't make it to the computer tubes. Maybe if I get one of those Google Glass thingies that scream "DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME PLEASE EVER BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE SEX BECAUSE I'M WEARING THESE COOL VIRTUAL GLASSES AND DON'T NEED SEX OR HUMAN CONTACT. I'M HAVING SEX IN MY MIND."

I digress, as I so often do.

I just got back from a week in Austin for SXSW. I'm sorry, body, for the fried things and nicotine and cider beer or whatever I put in you. I'm sorry. The ciders were free and I was feeling fuck-free.

I worked my ass off, but I had a little downtime which I spent shopping and strolling on South Congress Street, where, at the suggestion of the lovely ladies at Paige Denim (shout to them and the guys of Immaculate, who threw an excellent, definitely not Kosher dinner party), I stopped by Feathers Boutique, which is where this gorgeous Native American tribal head dress ring by Mexico City jeweler Avocet imprinted itself in my mind.

Stunning, right? I haven't worn silver in ages, but this ring, like 75% of jewelry I shouldn't be impulse-buying, did.

Other reasons you should check out Feathers, besides their jewelry selection -- including my girl Katie deGuzman's K/LLER jewelry -- they carry Alchemy tees, which have cool retro-luminati designs on tees softer than the little pinky/ white part of a kitten's ear.

I got this one in black and white:

Also spotted at Feathers: Mustard-colored Mickey and Minnie denim. 1994 me would've creamed my jeans for these.

Buy these? I did not. Missed connection.

Finally, in my South Congress rampage (I gave myself a one-hour break between work and work), I stopped into Prototype Vintage, which is IMPECCABLY organized, super clean and priced to move. Picked up two '80s vintage tees -- an all-over print Mickey shirt and these super '80s illustrated ladies on a Las Vegas souvenier shirt. I wish everything still looked like this.

They were both under $40 -- certainly not thrift store prices, but definitely not New York "vintage" prices, where used things cost more than new things.

On that work tip, I did some interviews for the mtvU Woodies. Jack Antonoff of Bleachers was particularly cool:

Here we are making emoji faces:

That's a Reiss "Springstreen" blouse (it's the most beautiful, breathable and unwrinkable thing in the world) and a Lionette Frida necklace if you give fucks about that sorta thing, and JC Ramos of Blo Austin did my hair, and he's a follicular genius and a total doll. I'm supremely into Jack's grown-up Suddenly Seymour style, by the way.

You need to listen to his song "I Wanna Get Better" RIGHT THE FUCK NOW and see him on tour by any means necessary.

Oh yeah, here's me, and, much more importantly, goddess queen superlatively superior human being Iggy Azalea serving Dolly Parton "9 to 5" realness.

 Finally: DOGS! Austin's got the BEST ONES!

THESE GUYS ARE AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION! Contact AustinPetsAlive.org

+ AUSTIN MUSTS:

SHOP
* Feathers Boutique:
1700 B South Congress Ave. and Milton
Austin, TX 78704
512-912-9779

* Prototype Vintage:
1700 1/2 South Congress Ave and Milton Street
Austin, Texas 78704
512-447-7686

* Uncommon Objects: BEST VINTAGE/ ANTIQUE SHOP IN THE WORLD, NO CONTEST.
512 S Congress Ave
Austin, Texas 78704
512-442-4000

HAIR GAME STRONG:
* JC Ramos/ Blo Dry Austin
1611 W 5th St, Ste 145
Austin, TX 78703
512-355-1256

EATS
* Uchiko
* East Side King
* Liberty Bar
* Lamberts Barbecue
* Houndstooth Coffee
* Flat Track Coffee

Toy Syndrome's Beetle Beanie Is So Cute It's Almost Creepy.

$25, Toy Syndrome. Use promo code "buggin" or "friend1" on Etsy, which is what I did.

And the hat tip literally goes to the inimitable, impossibly short, unstoppably stylish Sara Zucker for dusting the cobwebs (topical insect reference, btw) off of my unawares, accessory-deprived brain and letting the light of this insect-infested beanie in. 

It's by Toy Syndrome, aka Natalya Nyn, who, like me shares an affinity for teeny toys and bubblegum machine figurines... And who, unlike me, sewed a bunch of lizards onto a half shirt that caught Lena Dunham's eye, and the rest is archival "Girls" history.

This Jac Vanek Pizza Shirt Is The Most Important Pizza Shirt Ever

I'm starting the new year off resolving to post more about PIZZA. Let's begin!

Fuck any and everything else you've heard about pizza. Nothing else matters but the aphorism brilliant stated on this Jac Vanek pizza shirt: "The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza."

$44, Jac Vanek

Instagram Marshmallows And Vibrating Animal Butt Phone Charms: All Of Your Holiday Gift Dilemmas SOLVED!

Is there a better world to live in than the world that affords you the ultimate first-world opportunity to print out your Instagrams onto EDIBLE MARSHMALLOWS!?!? (Also, lest you ride me about excess and holidays being about giving and not getting, and Americans are terrible consumerists, which is, to be fair, true, I donated to UNICEF, WNYC, God's Love We Deliver, and usually give to Be The Match around the holidays, so get bent.)

THIS IS A REAL AND TRUE THING!

Boomf: Your food and cat photos or whatever, printed onto marshmallows for just $19

Witness the miracle fusing of technology and gelatin by giving the gift of Boomf (these people were 1000 percent correct in assuming there's a market for Insta-mallows because, hi, me), where you can print out nine Instagrams onto REAL, EDIBLE MARSHMALLOWS for approximately $19. What you do with them is your business. Is it weird or cool that I want to print out a bunch of Peeps and make super meta marshmallows?

Not feeling Boomfs for that hard-to-shop-for person you don't really like anyway? Get to gettin' to these vibrating animal butt charms for phone. And if you don't know anyone who'd like either of these gifts, then you're probably hanging out with the wrong people.

Rakuten.co.jp, via Rocketnews24

Because Sometimes An Adult Wants To Wear A Plush Bat Coat

Sometimes that bat coat is from Forever 21 (AKA Forever 35), and sometimes that adult is me.

Miss Jessie's Leave In Condish Wins Esteemed Award Of My Favorite Name Of Any Beauty Product Ever

$11, Miss Jessie's

Usually the distinction of beauty products with the best name goes to OPI (Uh-Oh Roll Down the Window!!) and Benefit (They're Real mascara, which I used to love, but it's IMPOSSIBLE to get off of your face without the aid of a surgeon, and ain't got time for that). But Miss Jessie just snatched that wig with her new leave in conditioner entitled "Leave In Condish." I'm a busy girl, and clearly so is Miss Jessie, since she didn't have time to add the "-itioner" to this condish.

I've yet to try it (quick real talk -- I have been using Miss Jessie's Pillow Curls, and I'm into it -- it's a lightweight cream styler) but considering I have Sideshow Bob curly hair that requires two to three buckets of condish(-itioner) when I actually do wash my hair, I'm game to down to dump at least a bottle on top of my head and hope for the best, which pretty much sums up my whole hair game.

Paul & Joe Sister's Minete Cat Shirt Is The Cat Shirt To End All Cat Shirts

$211, The-Dressingroom.com

Put a fork in me (gently), Paul & Joe Sister. After this Minette all-over print cat blouse, I'm totally done. Get it at The-Dressingroom.com, this weird UK boutique that may be a total scammer site, or IRL in Brooklyn at Article &, formerly Dear Fieldbinder, which, by the way, isn't closing after all! Huzzah!

Related, please enjoy a photo of my actual cats love-choking each other.

'Share A Beautiful Evening With Your Husband And Rock Hudson,' Said This Completely Clueless 1965 Movie Theater Ad!

Well, this is amazing and completely tone deaf. I was Googling dead malls of Cleveland, Ohio, where I grew up (as one does on a beautiful fall Sunday in Brooklyn -- no really, I have a very weird and oddly specific thing for abandoned, dead, and decaying malls -- I could read about them endlessly), and I came across this 1965 newspaper ad for the then-brand-new Severance center movie theater in Cleveland, Ohio. (I grew up going to this mall and its future movie iteration of the movie theater, where I saw "Parenthood," thank you very much.) 

Via Mike Rivest, Google Plus -- check out his incredible collection of vintage Cleveland movie ads.

Could you imagine a better night out for bored Northeast Ohio housewives in 1965 than a romantic evening on the town smoking a cigarette inside a movie theater (superb art in the hallway, BTWs), while pining away for Rock Hudson who was clearly busy lusting after Gina Lollobrigida! Obviously! Not that he'd ever have given you the time of day. You know -- because he was too busy lusting after Gina Lollobrigida, of course! Still, what a rich, opulent, smokey atmosphere for filmland enjoyment! What a fellow! And what a fellow your husband is, parking the car with ease, never being able to find it in the sea of 5,000 other cars! What a night! 

My Starbucks Drake Hands Video: ONE AT A TIME, BOYS!

The dude who made the Starbucks Drake Hands video (not realizing he'd become the progenitor of the worst-ever pick-up attempt and the BEST meme that doesn't involve a cat or other adorable animal) has my utmost respect, and not just because he looks like a Ryan Seacrest doppelganger who picked up his mating rituals from an early '90s karaoke video, but because he was obviously born with a congenital birth defect that's left him physically incapable of giving a solitary fuck.

Anyway, because I'm obviously SUPER busy socially, I did what any grown-up, mature, hard-working, tax-paying 30-something member of a first-world society would do: I went home and made two Starbucks Drake Hands video, one (poorly) featuring my cat Charlie, and the other featuring me at my absolute sexist. Easy there, boys! One at a time!

These C. Wonder Dachshund Loafers Look So Sad Not On My Feet

$138, C. Wonder

Really need for these to adopt these puppies for fall. Also, I SWEAR I'll walk them three times a day and feed them and clean up their poo! PLEASE, MOOOHHHHHMMMM!

Aaron Paul With His Pants Randomly Unzipped In GQ: A Gratuitous Post-Breaking Bad Tribute

Credit: Carter Smith/ GQ

Aaron Paul's pants are needlessly yet charitably unzipped in this August 2012 GQ spread, proving that once he takes off the drug dealer skullcap and Affliction hoodie and takes a shower, dude transforms into a totally bangable bro. (Also, can someone pitch an "adult film" called "Banging Bad," featuring Aaron Paul, or do I have to go track down fan fic and let my mind do the rest?) 

Good night, sweet prince. God speed, bitch!

You Really Really Need Hologram Shoes

Hey gurl. Your feet are boring. Fix 'em. Hologram shoes. It's real. It's levels to this shit. To paraphrase Adam Duritz, "When I look down at my holographic shoes, I want to see me staring right back at me." Wait. Maybe it's actually "When I look at the television, I want to see me staring right back at me," but potato/ potahto. Fact remains: hologram shoes, some black tights and a black mini and chunky sweater or denim jacket over a vintage t-shirt hold SO much appeal to me this fall.

$218, Miista, Nastygal.com

Because I'm telling myself sandals are okay for fall. This is my idea of growing more accepting as I get older.

$59, Urban Outfitters

Brogue lyf, son.

$180, To Be Announced, Urban Outfitters

Inky, oily everything, please.

$98, vintage Stuart Weitzman, FeelingVaguelyVintage.etsy.com

These holographic snake print Stuart Weitzman chunky sneakers ACTUALLY HAPPENED! They happened in the '90s, and there's nothing you can do short of inventing and piloting a time machine to change it. Just accept it and consider maybe even embracing and then buying it. It's a process. It's levels to this shit. 

Finally, the last thing I'll say about hologram shoes is that I would TRULY be eternally grateful if one of you talented, budding young shoemakers (shoesmiths?) out there would design a holographic shoe WITH A JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS PRINT. Apparently someone on Etsy attempted a decoupage footwear tribute to Jem, but I need me some legit meta Jem and the Holograms hologram shoes. It's almost 2014! ios 7 exists! We can DO this!

Can You Think Of A Reason Why I SHOULDN'T Get This Totally '80s Fruit-Embellished Lazy Oaf Shirt?

No? Right, yeah, me either.

$89, ShopKoshka.com

Ooh, Yay! Here's That Slutty Mesh Bodysuit I'd Been Searching Haplessly For

AND it's on sale! HUZZAH!!

When I Say Celine, I Generally Mean Celine Dion

Hi blog! Long time no blog! But I never went anywhere except to work and to my bed and then to a special quiet place to cry on the inside because it's all so much. But I missed you, us, everything we share. Like this Céline Dion shirt. I mean, come on. How can you not clap for that:

It's by Reason Clothing, and it's sold out, but maybe if you ask pretty please nicely they'll make s'more. Now, I highly encourage you to watch Celine Dion, greatest singer in the world, dance to Daft Punk's "Get Lucky." 

Beloved's Pepperoni Pizza Sweatshirt And Onesie Look Highly Appetizing

It's Beloved's pepperoni pizza sweatshirt, serving carbo-laden, cheese-lovers', meat-lovers', gluten-free realness, also in pizza onesie form. Fuck everything else.

Sweatshirt: $75, Shopjeen; Pizza onesie: $99, Belovedshirts.com

PlayLand Motel In Rockaway Beach: Why Not? Try It! You Might Like It!

Rockaway Beach got itself a brand-new boutique hotel -- it's already got a boutique taco stand and a boutique boutique, so clearly a boutique hotel wasn't far off. It's called PlayLand Motel, and from the few photos I've seen, it kind of looks like Sole East in the Hamptons or the Ace in Palm Springs, with a pizza joint, 12 small boutique rooms, two restaurants and a 7,000-square-foot indoor/outdoor bar. It looks very dried-palm-fronds/ faded-surf-photo, nautical-knots chic. In a pre-fab way designed to attract hipsters and people who swear they're not hipsters, of course but who even cares. Rockaway Beach needs your cash, and it's a $2.50 train ride/ extended Brooklyn staycay, so who wants to check it out? (There's a shuttle bus from Williamsburg, because OF COURSE.) 

The Meatpacking District doesn't need any more of your hard-earned dollar bills. Those two hours you spent standing in line trying to get into Roberta's could've been spent on the beach. Go support Rockaway. Until the cast of "Princesses Long Island" shows up, and we all need to just head down to Rehoboth or commit ritual group Seppuku instead.

PlayLand Motel: 9720 Rockaway Beach Blvd, Far Rockaway, New York 11693

Photo credit: Athena Calderone/ Refinery29