Spending YOUR Money: Crazy Hot Bags (Plus: A Slight Urban Outfitters UK Rant)

... That I would only buy with your money:

($250, Linne Pelle)

Actually, I'd spend my own $250 on this Linne Pelle Angie bag, but, to quote the venerable Lil Kim, "Why spend mine, when I could spend yours?"

($625, Rebecca Minkoff, Winknyc)

It's a little diaper bag-y, but I love it. Even though I hate diapers.

($855, Vegan Queen)

While I am neither, I am a fan of both vegans and queens. Still, I'm not sure why this "eco-luxury" bag is $855, let alone $85. Still, if you're paying...


... Next... Joanna Louca.
I, like Just My Cup of Tea, came across Joanna Louca's breathtaking, handwoven bags at Dear Fieldbinder the other day. I walked out empty-handed and heavy hearted after yet another case of pricetag-induced horror, but these hos is worth your doughs.

Observe:



Makes the Chanel bow bag look like a downright snore, nu?
All bags from JoannaLouca.com, which is soooo Flash-intensive. Check the site for where to buy. Can't deal?

(Apprx $556 USD, Joanna Louca, Urban Outfitters UK)

(Apprx $418 USD, Joanna Louca, Urban Oufitters UK)

It's called "Spending YOUR Money" for a reason!

And while I'm on the topic of British Urban Outfitters -- HOLY FUCK! WHY ARE YOU SO FAR SUPERIOR TO US URBAN OUTFITTERS!!!!!! Observe:

(Apprx $191 USD, Mogil, Urban Oufitters UK)


(Apprx $39 USD, Ollie & Nic, Urban Outfitters UK)

Those are ZEBRAS, people! With an eeensy COSMETICS case! UGH! So cute I could poach a baby polar bear cub! Even your unnecessary crap is better than our unnecessary crap!

(Apprx $329 USD, Lotus Hallmark, Urban Outfitters UK)

Even your hot hooker heels are hotter than our hot hooker heels!

(Apprx $562 USD, Vivienne Westwood, Urban Outfitters UK)

Even your obscenely overpriced shoppers are better than our obscenely overpriced shoppers! Oh well. I'll console myself with our weak-ass dollar. EVERYTHING'S CHEAPER!

Black Friday Shopstravaganza: Free Shipping at Urban Outfitters!

Urban Outfitters' gots free shipping through December 1. Use promo code FREEBIRD08. However, I think it's for $75 or more, which isn't much of a promo considering they usually offer free shipping on $75 worth of stuff, I think. Oh well.

Use it to get this sweet strapless dress:

($58, Silence & Noise, Urban Outfitters)

By the way, when I added this to my cart, it was like $43.50 Yay!

... Or this great Betsey Johnson denim dress, which normally I'd be vehemently opposed to, but for some reason I am not:

($199, Betsey Johnson, Urban Outfitters)

Already, I Am Sick of Gladiator Sandals...

And it's barely even Spring!!! Seriously, unless you're actively involved in battling bears or guys who look like Russell Crowe, you do NOT need to encase you foot in a leather cage. Please. DON'T!

Some particularly egregious offenders:

($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Urban Outfitters)

If you're concerned that your cankle areas (for lack of a better term) are going to be chilly, MAYBE IT'S TOO COLD OUT FOR SANDALS! But you really truly do not get to do both.

($28, Urban Outfitters)

Dudes, fringe is not for shoes. Fringe is for jackets... no wait a second. Fringe is NOT FOR ANYONE outside of Branson (and I'm sure several of Branson's fine citizens don't even wear it). Don't ever wear fringe EVER. (One exception: you are Dolly Parton and/or 1967 Dennis Hopper.)

($57, Naughty Monkey, Karmaloop.com)
Seriously? What the shit??

($79, Nine West)

We get it. The American economy is in the shitter, so we're supposed to buy bright things to make us forget. I love bright things, but that's no reason to let the sandal equivalent of Bill Cosby's Coogi sweater creep up your foot.

($125, Urban Outfitters)

As if someone sent a perfectly okay jazz shoe through a paper shredder.

You get the point. So now, some lovely warm-weather footwear alternatives to the scourge of gladiators:

($48, Urban Oufitters)

Not my all-time favorites, but definitely not bad at all. At least there's no covered heel or ankle nonsense.

($105, Dolce Vita, Piperlime.com)

Perfectly reasonable, sweetly (note: not barfily) trendy metallic peep-toe that says "I'm a grown-up, and I'm perfectly mature about keeping MOST of my foot consistently -- not schizophrenically covered."

($105, Sam Edelman, Bloomingdale's)

Love both of these. (Very similar, cheaper ones here, BTW.) Wedge-y but not towering, which is more than I can say for these:

($29.50, Alloy.com)

Holy hell. Anyway, back to better spring shoes:

($175, Cole Haan, Bloomingdale's)

Rarely do I see white shoes I'd actually wear, but these are great (both versions!) all-purpose sping/ summer heeled sandals that completely do not suck or offend.

($365, Chie Mahara, Sodafine.com)

Sweet, sweet design. Sweet, sweet desire. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge found a happy home on your foot (minus the congestion and the jumpers.)

($375, Ralph Lauren, Bloomingdale's)

The price is a bit ridick for a bit of rope, and sure, they're a bit campy, but they're still fun in a WASPy sort of way. (And Ha'shem KNOWS I'm WASPY!) Though I'm not sure why you wouldn't just opt for Kinos -- Key West classics -- instead:

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)


($41, Steve Madden)

It's not much, but it's right to the point and WORLDS better than the much-aligned flip-flop. HELP US HELP YOU!

** Also, Steve Madden promo code:
$10 off: SML963BF1E (Not sure if this is a one-hitter or what.)

Finally, if sandals aren't your thing (and I get that), I like these ridiculous (and ridiculously priced!) Nikes:

($79, Nike, Alloy)

Do I offend???

** Disclosure: This post contains a paid link.

State Of The Shoe-ion Address... Or: WHY I HAVE FOUR TOTALLY DISSIMILAR BUT TOTALLY AFFORDABLE PAIRS OF SHOES ON MY LIVING ROOM FLOOR

You guys. I'm a simple woman with simple needs: quite simply, I need a LOT of shoes. Fortunately, I don't have expensive taste in shoes. They just have to be cute and possibly even a little absurd. As you can imagine, this has manifested itself in a problem that enjoys overwhelming volume but an alarming lack of consistency: since I rarely spend over $100 on a pair of shoes (a lot of my shoes are barely $50), I've amassed a huge shoe collection that makes about as much sense as your typical Lady Gaga video -- fun to look at it, but let's not kid ourselves. Like the "Born This Way" video, if you looked at my entire shoe collection, you'd leave like "well, that was kinda cool to look at for a few minutes but... I don't get it. Which is how I found myself in my living room tonight, surrounded by the four pairs of totally dissimilar shoes featured above.

Let's go from left to right.

1.) ASOS Superstar Tapestry Heels ($78.57): Dudes. These are FLORAL TAPESTRY heels with A GOLD STUDDED TOE. It's the mullet of shoes. Party in the toe... business in the back? Eh? Anyway, they're increds. Except I DO call bullshit since they were on sale when I bought them and now they're mysteriously not on sale. Ahhhh capitalism, you crazy scoundrel you!

2.) Jeffrey Campbell Downtown booties (no longer available): I bought these on a trip to Need Supply when I was visiting my sister in Richmond last year. Real quick: hat tip to Need Supply. They're like an indie Urban Outfitters, except they don't steal people's designs. Anyway, they were on sale for $49 from $130. That's called usin' your noodle. OH, and they're SO comfortable. I walked about a MILE out of my way lost en route to a VH1 taping yesterday, so I learned this the hard way. (The hard way that comes from not giving a shit about reading maps!) Seriously, these shoes are like crack. Or Pinkberry. Straight men fall out of their cubicles to ask me about them. My only regret is not buying the orange ones when I had the chance. Man, hindsight. She's such the little fucker!

3.) Matisse Nugent booties ($193) : The nice people who do Matisse's PR reached out and sent me these, and the second I opened the box and took in the holy sight that is their Nugent bootie, this was pretty much my reaction:




Like Cup Stacking Girl, I too achieved something great! SHOE NIRVANA (shirvana?) These booties aren't just ANIMAL print. They're DALMATIAN print. (Not real dalmatians, obviously! They're IMITATION DALMATIAN. From the NATION of faux DALMATIAN.) And they're so perfectly '70s Marc Bolan shaped, which is what I really want in a bootie, you know? Intensely, almost preternaturally perfect. These booties are the Ryan Gosling of footwear. Like HOW could anything be that perfect?

What Is The Cut-Off Age For Cat Sweaters? Plus: We The Free Looks Like A Knee-Jerk Ew

($128, Rendez-Vous By Paul & Joe Sister, Urban Outfitters)

And have I passed it? Am I too old for sweaters with kitties on them? Does that mean I need to get rid of my scotty dog sweater?

Am I also too old for this very '50s pink princess phone?

($50, Urban Outfitters)

Worth getting a landline reinstalled? Probably not. Fun to look at though.

Okay, so as much as I'll admit to Urban Outfitters being a guilty pleasure/ (un)necessary evil, I don't think I can deal with their new offshoot brand, We the Free, which recently opened on Smith Street. I passed by last night and saw the new storefront, which I hadn't passed since its past life as a dry cleaner.

In the window, I peeped a few pairs of cool-looking studded Chucks, plus several folded pairs of vintage Levis -- suggesting vintage boutique? buy/ sell/ trade? store in progress? -- and some deconstructed-looking sweatshirts and LOTS of open space occupying what's gotta be 1000 square feet. At least. The decor was teetering between art-school-grads-open-a-makeshift-found-space-on-a-dime, and major-corporation-creates-a-blatant-attempt-to-create-a-store-that-emits-an-art-school-grads-open-a-makeshift-found-space-on-a-dime look. And upon closer inspection and further research, the former is case. I'm sorry, but this shit looks absolutely terrible.

An American Eagle-lookalik knit tank for $98????

Thank goodness I'll be able to find $58 knee socks in a pinch!

... And then there are"these"... !?!?!?
Someone's aborted knitting disaster? ... For the PERFECTLY reasonable price of $148!


And those studded Converse? $168. $223 if you get the horbs knee socks too!

Lates.

Spring 2008 Shoe Trends: Are Moccasins The New Ballet Flats?

So, Stylehive has declared ballet flats out, moccasins in. Not so fast, says Fashionbinge! Saying ballet flats are out is a little overly general, no? That's like saying "sneakers are done!" These-a days "ballet flats" merely suggests a broad, far-reaching style of shoe, like "platforms" or "sandals."

Anyway, I don't plan on giving up ballet flats -- in warmer weather, they're the perfect, slightly more fance-pants alternative to flip-flops. But, I have room in my heart for moccasins too, though only ones that don't look like bedroom slippers or like they were stolen off the feet of some dusty old mannequin in a history museum diorama about Native Americans living on the prairie or whatever. Basically, any moccasins that look like dead animals should be avoided at all costs.

That said, the ones I saw at Forever 21 the other day are straight-forward and innocuous:

($22.80, Forever 21)

Cute, preppy weekend wear, perfect with jeans.

($42, Minnetonka, Urban Outfitters)

Lo and behold, Urban Outfitters has tons of moccasins in their batch of spring shoesies. Though, oddly, they only have brown and black Minnetonkas. I say, if you're gonna do the moc, do the original, y'all. If I were to get a pair, I'd kick it old-school and go with the o.g. white ones, just like the ones I owned circa the 1988-9 school year. Brown would be a close second, but definitely not black.

($34, Urban Outfitters)

Urbs also has lotsa boat mocs. I say "meh." Go with the moc or the boat shoe (if you MUST), but not both at the same time.

I'm also always a fan of a leather (or leather-like) moc. Too bad these Chloe are priced off the map:

($374, Chloe, Net-a-porter.com)

Steal 'em!



...Versus...

($90, Enzo Angiolini, Piperlime)

A steal! I had a pair like this a few years ago from Old Navy or somewhere like that, and I wore them out -- they went with absolutely everything (except gold, of course). This style's the perfect disposable seasonal shoe.

($82.95, Kenneth Cole Reaction, Zappos)

Another decent pair.

... And now for some not-so-decent pairs:

($86, Steve Madden, Zappos)

I wouldn't even wear these in the privacy of my own home.

($178, Materia Prima, Zappos)

These make me feet feel depressed.

($93, J. Renee, Zappos)

These somehow came up in my search of moccasins. And I really really wish they hadn't.

Finally, to bring this thing full circle, a cute pair of ballet flats, on sale!

($59, J. Crew)

The other versions are an atrocity, but these are simple and sweet. Toodles!