Kelly Wearstler's Fall/Winter 2013 Collection Is Even Better Than I'd Dreamed, Which Is Saying A Lot

Kelly Wearstler's F/W '13 leather knit sweater. It's in my head so much that it's giving me OCD.

You know Kelly Wearstler, right? The woman who'd be your personal stylist/ life coach/ closet guru/ spirit animal if you could afford to live your best life? The superlatively L.A. designer's dressed Gwen Stefani (THAT PINK LEATHER JACKET, HOMG!), turned out the Viceroy in Palm Springs in her signature post-modern Hollywood Regency-on-a-safari-holiday style (because she runs that game), and she has excellent hair. And she has an excellent collection of Fall/Winter 2013 separates and accessories, all supremely textured -- primal leathers, rough and tough moto jackets, heavy metal jewelry, brass in pocket -- in geometric prints, and Vivienne Westwood, punk-leaning patterns and visceral, mixed-material mash-ups that totally shouldn't make sense together but somehow totally do. I want to live in her showroom, I want to live in her closet, I want to live in her clothes. See why in these photos from my recent trip to her Chelsea showroom to check out the collection. (No I didn't steal anything. Aren't you proud?)

Yes, that is a brass plate on a leather clutch, in case you needed reminding.

+ Check out more Kelly Wearstler jewelry after the jump.

Gap's Perfect Neon/Neutral Leather Tote: Stylish And Cheaper Than A Baby

$79.95, Gap 

Meet my new baby! No, not the kind of baby that comes from mommy and daddy kissing (or alcohol). Those kinds of babies are LOUD. And expensive! So instead, I picked up Gap's new leather stripe tote, which comes in many cute combinations, but I opted for neon coral because the neon says "HELLO WORLD!! I'M HERE!!," while the beige says "Shhhh... I know. We all know. We heard you." At $79, it's way cheaper than a real baby and not made as well as a baby, but it is made really well for a leather bag that costs less than $100. And it has a zipper -- ever seen a BABY that comes with its own zipper? Sure, it's more of short-term investment of a baby, but a bag won't keep you up at night. Viva la beauty sleep!

Today In Important Cat News: Gap Has An EXCELLENT Cat-Print Shirt

Yup. Get your minds right around this, ladies and boys and lady boys. It's Gap's excellent hot pink all-over cat print shirt, which I fully endorse and obviously bought. Get out your $54, and get you yours.Oh, bonus: there's NO boob gap. MAGIC!

$54.95, Gap

Endorsed! (NSFW!)

2 AWESOME Prom Dresses For Prom Season (Trust Me, You'll Be The Only One Wearing Them!)

£39.99, Fancydresscostumes.co.uk

Come on, girls. Think you'll find a better, cheaper, trendier, or more topical prom dress than this horse burger ensemble? Neigh. I can't think of a more fashionable way to say "what's in your burger" on prom night. Bonus #1: Chance are you'll be the only one wearing this burger horse to prom, so you can put any fears of a Brenda/Kelly same-dress disaster aside. Bonus #2: In case you're thinking about going "all the way" prom night, then you're already wearing plenty of rubber. Safety counts!

Ew.

Still not convinced? Lucky for you, I found this Alexander McQueen embellished drop waist dress, which just screams "prom"! Gently worn, only $40,000 -- it was originally $70,000, so this is a relative steal. You'll DEFINITELY be the only one in that. 

$40,000, Alexander McQueen, Chiclildevil.com

MAC x Hayley Williams Collection = All Orange Everything

The MAC x Hayley Williams collection drops April 9, 2013.

MAC just announced their Hayley Williams collection, and it's three of my favorite things (MAC makeup, Paramore, and the color ORANGE) all in one, and my birthday's not for five more months.

Case you've never used Tumblr or watched the VMAs (in which case we probably have zero things in common), Hayley Williams is Paramore's lead singer, and she's about the size of an action figure, with a voice that sounds like she swallowed a megaphone, and her signature hair color is approximately the hue of a parking cone someone set on fire. 

I love the fact that MAC's targeting a younger audience and celebrating a young female artist (Hayley's probably one of MAC's youngest celebrity spokespeople ever) known for her unapologetic love of color --  and unapologetically loud voice. And while Paramore's by no means unknown -- they've sold over 7 million albums and have criss-crossed the world on tour -- they still may be unfamiliar to some consumers given that the pop-punk band's not a trainwreck tabloid fixture, and beyond "Airplanes" and "The Only Exception," you won't hear them on many U.S. terrestrial radio stations (shouts to K Rock). (If you're still totally unfamiliar and need a reference point, then think Garbage meets Fall Out Boy meets No Doubt meets Mary Lou Lord meets Jimmy Eat World.)

So it's very cool -- and forward-thinking -- to observe the interesting intersection of a younger pop-punk act that generally has their boots planted firmly in the music world change lanes and merge with a beauty brand.

Fashion Flashback: 1980s Businesswoman Steeze

Thirty years after it was somehow okay to commute in your calf-length tweed business skirt and chunky Reeboks, I'll still never tire of the fashion cliche of the 1980s business woman. Look at these bitches, running game on that glass ceiling. 

This lady was such a bad-ass bawse that she wore a faux fur dalmatian carpet to work and was NEVER without her Texas Instruments calculator when out solidifying her bawse status in the oil fields. Also, hollar at those coverlines: "Balling out the men on your team" and "Where to incubate your nest egg." WOT?? I'd DEFINITELY be into checking out a scan of that story on microfiche or whatever. 

And the businesswoman on the left (who was probably an alcoholic based on the fact that she's drinking at work) wasn't afraid to wear Princess Leia's coverup in the office. Bad girls do it well. 

Also, do I even have to point out the irony of a man writing a best-selling guidebook to womenswear? LOL.

Anyway, take a cue from this woman, and raise a glass to these fearless females who wore shoulder pads and suffocated in control-top pantyhose so we could wear jeans to work!

You're welcome.

Schutz's Britte Black Booties Have An Acrylic Heel, And I'm Having A Heart Attack

$295, Schutz, Bonfaire.com

What 'choo know 'bout Schutz's SICK-UH-NING black leather bootie with an acrylic heel? And is Schutz German for "stuntin'"? Probably, right? They're available for pre-order on Bonfaire, which is like a fancier-ass Gilt where you can pre-order next-season shit by no-joke designers like Katherine Kwei and Alexandre Birman. Now, if anyone needs me for the rest of today, I'll be fanning myself dramatically and stress eating (natch) while I ponder this purchase. 

Come To Mama, L'il Eyelash Flats & Senso Glitter Booties

You know those Saturday mornings when you wake up and you've bought two pairs of shoes before you even have a cup of coffee or put on your bra? Here's the result of my Saturday morning ModCloth shoe binge:

$39, Lorena Vasquez, Modcloth.com

Because of course I needed a pair of white loafers with eyelashes on them. You understand. They're by Lorena Vasquez, and they're sold out on ModCloth, but you can order them directly from her site.

And, common sense would dictate that you need a pair of glitter Senso motorcycle booties to keep your eyelash flats company, so that's happening.